hi everybody. it seems like there's a lot of new faces around here, which is so exciting! i've been spending some quality time today reading through posts and sharing in everyone else's triumphs and it's really inspiring me right now. i've had a really hard time since i first joined MRC in august; i made it a third of the way to my goal and then had a massive family crisis in late september that knocked me off track and then a surgery in early january that took me out of exercising for a while, and just all the drama and flurry of craziness in the past four months has left me scrambling! i really want to finish what i started and get down to my goal weight, but i'm just feeling kind of powerless. has anyone else ever felt that way? like your eating habits are a runaway train that you don't know how to stop?? i could really use some advice and encouragement, guys. i've been trying to follow plan as much as i can (albeit a little loosely, i'll admit--HNSes have proven to be too expensive with all the family stuff going on that's costing my boyfriend and i a lot of money to help with, not to mention the costs of my surgeries), but i seem to be stuck gaining and losing the same few pounds.

my main problem is that i use food as medication. i know this to be true but yet i don't really know how to fix it! somehow it's just easier to go eat a bowl of ice cream if i'm frustrated with my boyfriend than to tell him i'm frustrated and try to work through it. i also fail miserably when it comes to denying cravings, too--example: last night, i got it in my head that i just HAD to have a bowl of cereal, so i actually went to the gas station a block away and bought an individual serving-size container of cocoa krispies. why on earth did i do that? why am i not strong enough to say "listen, you don't have any cereal here, and it's not good for you anyway, so just shut up about it and drink some water"? why doesn't drinking water kill my cravings for me like it seems to do for other people? sometimes i think i should just resign myself to the fact that i'm destined to be a big girl and just stop fighting. it's exhausting and i never seem to get anywhere.

this post has gotten a lot more debbie downer than i'd originally intended! i sincerely apologize, you guys, and bless you if you made it this far, hehe. can anyone offer some advice or encouragement?? i feel like i'm just spinning my wheels

Hi leahruthie,

I know you feel discouraged. I have been there -- every time I was ready to get serious, I'd fracture something or get sick. Timing seems to be key. You can't change the way things have gone in the past so try not to let it keep you from moving forward. Don't give up on your desire to make your self look better, feel better, and the freedom and confidence of just making better food choices and wiser decisions. Get back in the saddle Girl!

--Joy2MeNu

Leah!

I remember you, you disappeared on us!

I am not going to tell you to do it this way or that way, the only thing i am going to say to you is: If you want to do this, you have to do it for YOU. YOU are the person who deserves it the most and has to work the HARDEST for it. If you really want it, then accept the fact that you are gonna slip once in a while, but talk some discipline in your head and tell it that its ok to do that. As long as you are HONEST about it with yourself, its easier to take it.

Other then that, welcome back and hop on, the train is in full motion here

I've kind of had a february like that. I just kind of feel Blah about the program. Before I was all gung ho and ready to go. But not the last few weeks. I feel like I've stayed the same. Haven't eaten bad, but haven't been right on program either. I have no real advice. I saw in another post that a girl said take it a meal at a time. So far this week that's what I'm doing. I try to get my HNS's in and take my meals as they come. If I happened to get a little off program, the next meal, I get right back on.

I'm going through a pretty messy divorce right now, so I hear you on family stuff/emotional eating. One of the things that has helped me is to think is this cereal, or donut or whatever it is that I HAVE to have going to make the situation better. Chances are that it doesn't. It just makes you feel worse about yourself because you caved. So put the donut down.. and destract yourself.

On the HNS front, a lot of us have been drinking Muscle Milk light. Make sure you get the 100 cal pack. They have 16 g of protein I think. You could try those. They are a lot cheaper than MRC.

Good Luck.. We are all here for you.. and all stuggle daily.

I have been in a similar situation. I had started a post that talked about the emotional part of weight loss. That has been my struggle.

I was eating and a counselor asked if I knew what was triggering it... I didn't and she suggested I journal. I started writing when I wanted to eat. I learned that anger, boredom, frusteration, and lonliness were all triggers. I reported back to my counselor and said I have the feelings, now what? After some more talking (as well as some stuff from my childhood) I decided to talk with the therapist that teaches our connections classes at the center. She has been through MRC and has been a therapist for 25 years. I have been seeing her for a couple months now.

This is really started to help me. They say weight loss is 3 parts; food, physical activity and emotional. For those of us who are emotional eaters I think its much harder to do all the work that is required to really change our lives. It's not just the food, for me I am replacing emotions with eating and have to identify those emotions... find out what triggers those emotions... figure out why I eat instead of other coping skills... and finally change my behaviors. Its tough! I definetly feel like I have a food addiction because I replace feelings with food, just how alcoholics replace emotions with alcohol and drug addicts with drugs.

Luckily those people can just never do drugs or take a drink again. A food addict cannot just stop eating.

I am not implying that any of this pertains to you I am just telling you my story in case it helps. If I can be of any help let me know. Good luck!

Welcome Back Leah Ruthie! I think we can all say we feel the way you do at some point on this program. I have been 6 pounds away from my goal now for the last month or so. I just can't seem to get there and I know the only thing stopping me is me.. I am going to do my best to work this through no matter what it takes. You can too.. I am reading a book recommened to me, Life is Hard Food is Easy.. Seems to be a really helpful book.. Don't give up.. you can do this, we all can do this!
Cheers!

Ronnie

Leahruthie, life really gets in the way.
My Pastor says it well, it's just life. No rhyme or reason and we have to remember that and encourage ourselves. I used to think what a silly phrase "Nothing feels or taste as good as being thin" and now I really get it.
Sometimes we have to struggle to reach our goals, but when we do it is really worth while. I encourage you to find that place that reminds you of what the weight loss means to you and how it will affect your life. My health was changing and I didn't want to take medication so I just had to stop talking about it and do something about it. I'm praying for your strength..
sexyrene

Leahruthie, I remember you from the fall too..I fell off the bandwagon also. I lost about 15 pounds, felt pretty good..then had some stressful events, then it was the holidays, birthdays, etc. I keep thinking that I will start tomorrow..but it hasn't happened. I know that the diet works but I just don't have my heart into it. I know I want to lose the weight but I think I really question if I can maintain this for my life...I LOVE carbs, I totally could live off them...the thought of going back to lettuce, green peppers, etc makes me sick. I really don't want to lose and gain it back again and again. I also struggle with eating different from my family...yes, there are some things that we can all eat but there are lots of times we have to eat quick and I am always the one that can't find anything on the menu to eat, (there is always salad but I am so sick of it.)
My other issue is working out...never been a fan of exercising. Not a morning person and really busy after work with kids...Don't really care for water either! Someone please turn my negatives into positives! LOL
I would like to hear someone who has completed the program and continues to maintain their weight, what keeps you motivated?
All I can say is that I will try again..I ordered some HNS from diet direct and I have been trying to go to the gym this past week.
Keep posting to let us all know how you are doing and I will do the same..
I did have to laugh about the cereal, but at least you bought the single serving, you could have bought a whole box and continued the saga the next few nights!

thanks for all the kind, supportive, and encouraging words, you guys. i definitely need to make a change and there's no time like the present, right? actually my best friend and i decided just the other day that we were going to start journaling our food choices and corresponding emotional responses and then reading each others' journals once a week... i'm hoping that will help both of us stay more on track. i'm taking all the stuff i've learned on program--emphasis on lean proteins and low carbs and doing a lot of exercising--and kind of trying to wing it on my own now because i just can't financially handle the burden of HNSes right now, whether they're discounted online or not. for that reason, i'm super glad to have all of you here to rely on for a sounding board!

i had an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon today and scheduled another operation for next thursday, so i know that's going to be another setback, but i just need to keep the right attitude and stop being so DOWN on myself! i like the advice to take it one meal at a time, and to not let past mistakes drag me down. i need to remember that there's nothing i can do about past indiscretions and just move on to the future, which i CAN do something about.

daizy, can i ask how much your therapy sessions cost? like i said, i'm not exactly rolling in the dough, but i have health insurance and a flex account and am really thinking i would benefit from talking to someone.

My insurance does not pay for my particular therapist so I have been paying $90 per 1 hour session. I had submitted my receipts to my insurance to see if they would cover it and recently learned they were denied. She told me in that instance she would work with me on a sliding scale... some type of discounted rate. I have not checked with her about this yet so I don't know what the new rate will be.

When I first thought about seeing someone I did get a referal from my insurance and they would have covered someone in their network under the mental health portion of my plan but I really wanted to see the woman I go to so the extra expense is worth it.

When looking for a therapist through my insurance there are some who specialize in eating disorders and/or addiction. That might lead you to a good person who will understand what you are going through. Also, you might check with a counselor at MRC for suggestions. All of my counselors see therapists too!!

Good luck and let me know if I can help any more!

thanks, daizy! i'll maybe talk to someone in HR here at work and also see if MRC can point me in the right direction. all i know is that i carry around 45 pounds of guilt and shame and impulsive behavior and it's not going to go anywhere until someone helps me sort out those feelings! ugh. this has been a very enlightening day, lol.

OH i meant to reply to this, too! this is EXACTLY how things have been for me. lost 15 pounds, was kicking butt, and then BLAMMO stressful events + birthdays + holidays. seriously, that's exactly what it was. and now i'm trying to get back to it but just the idea of going back to eating so little is making me sick to my stomach, you know? i don't feel like i can completely cut out carbs or caffeine without going a little crazy, and i hate having such a hard time figuring out what i can eat when i'm out with friends or family, and the feeling of being DEPRIVED is what throws me completely off-kilter! *sigh*

what i've been doing lately is following the plan for breakfast and lunch (for example, most days bfast = tortilla with cheese, lunch = cottage cheese, veggies, and an apple) and then eating a lean cuisine meal for supper. it's been going OK; definitely not as fast as following MRC to a T, but i'm also not feeling deprived, and when i follow that routine exactly, i do lose a couple pounds per week. it's just when i deviate from that plan and have cereal (just as an example) or a piece of pizza or whatever that it doesn't work. which would also be true if i was following MRC exactly, only i'm less likely to cheat when i follow my current plan than i was when i followed MRC exactly.

does any of that make any sense? i feel like i'm rambling but it's good to get these thoughts out of my head and verbalized to other people, you know? feedback is nice!!