I am feeling pretty upset and irritable today. I know it is just because of everything that is going on. I am also upset that when I got on the scale this morning, it didn't look like I had lost any weight, even though I have been watching what I eat and trying (on most days) to avoid eating sweets and whatnot.

I feel like every day that passes, I am feeling a bit sadder about the ex. Maybe it was different a few days ago because he was staying in contact with me (and during our relationship we hardly went a day without texting each other) even moreso than when we were together. But the past couple of days he has been less in contact more and more. So, I am really feeling like I am a bit kicked to the curb at the moment.

I feel irritable right now and I don't want to. I really feel like I have just got to get below 300lbs....the idea of trying to date again at this weight is really depressing, and while I feel lonely and am afraid of being alone, I am also afraid of going out on those dates with guys who say they like big women, but turn out to have a major fetish issue, or who just want to fool around, or are drug addicts or abusive, etc. Sigh. I really miss my bf and i worry because even though I feel like deep down I knew we had major differences and I wasn't sure if I wanted to marry him, I still feel like there was something wrong with me enough for him to not want to be around me anymore, and that really hurts.

I am also dealing with the issue that I feel like in a certain area of my life, certain people will not respect me until I show that I am losing weight. I think that if I get below 300lbs and an it is noticeable, I might start being treated more equally.

I am just feeling upset and needed to vent a bit. Thank you everybody for providing your ear and shoulder.

Million,
It's normal to go through a grieving process when our life takes a turn, allow yourself to do this so you can work through it and move on.
Are you exercising? Remember we must do both-change our eating habits and bring exercise into our lives on a consistent basis. You need to replace the negative actions with positive ones, you've taken a good first step but now you need to continue to move forward. Exercise also improves our mood.

thank you, sweetcakes. the exercise has been really hard for me lately because with all of the excess weight, I have just slowed down sooo much and don't have my usual energy level. i feel like sleeping a lot because I just feel so darn tired. I know that if I stick with my eating, I am hoping that the weight will come off, and it will help with my energy levels.

I am very afraid that for whatever reason, I cannot lose the weight. I worry at remaining at 318lbs.

Speaking from experience, you have to push through that. I started at 339 and when I first started, I couldn't excercise more than 15 minutes in a day, but I kept pushing forward, doing it everyday and two months later I put in between 80-120 minutes. You have to start somewhere.
I'm worried the sleeping is from depression.
This is no try or not try, only do.

Oh honey! I'm so sorry you're going through this. Break-ups are hard regardless. You'll have doubts and fears and you're bound to feel insecure but these feelings will pass. You need to concentrate on you and your weight loss journey. You know what? People who matter should respect you and love you at any weight. And if they dont, it is their problem. Good luck and dont give up!

thank you, everybody. I need to start walking more and hopefully that will help with energy and weightloss. I do need to focus on getting healthy and happy again.

Million - I would try to focus on being happy with yourself. Maybe fine one thing everyday you like about yourself and focus on it. Then in a week fine two things you like about yourself. Sometimes if we focus on the positive we feel more positive. I know when I am down if all I think about is the negatives then I just wallow in my own misery. At 347 pounds here I know it is hard to start physical activity but even if you start with a 10 minute walk and build your way up you will start getting more energy and feeling better.

Million, have you considered speaking to a professional about this? I hope you take this the right way...as I am truly concerned about you. I honestly am!

I think it might help you.

No, I haven't talked to anyone. I know that being able to speak my feelings on here and chat with friends will help me immensely. I mean, we have all been through these things and after a while, we cheer up and start focusing on other things. I was with my bf for a while, so it is hard at times just dealing with that emptiness, ya know? But, I am just focusing on good things and getting myself where I want to be in my life. I am feeling sad, but am ok.

Oh good. I think its great to be able to vent here and please do! I was just concerned things might have gone a bit deeper and that a professional might be of even more help. Hope things turn around soon for you.

Million,

I want you to know that we are very alike in so many aspects. When I began reading your initial post, I was thinking to myself "Did I write this and not remember it?" LOL

I also ended a relationship after 7 years about a year ago and we lived together for the majority of that time. So, I know exactly how you feel about the loneliness after having someone leave. I thought I was fine at first, but as the time passed I became more and more depressed and lonely because my house was so quiet and I didn't have someone to talk to most of the time. But, it wasn't him that I was missing it was the companionship.

I was so greatly depressed about the loneliness and other issues that were going on with my life (I was falling for my best guy friend and he was trying to go back to his ex that he wasn't happy with) that all I was doing was staying at home and lying in the bed sleeping. Then, my family had to move in with me and that was an additional six people I had to worry about and my depression sank even further. I gained back almost all of the 75 pounds that I had previously lost while in my depression in a matter of about 3 -4 months. However, I was in denial, but eventually went to see my GP and he put me on Lexapro. I'm not saying that this is an option for you, but if you feel that you need to talk to someone about it then there is no shame in doing so. We are all here for moral support but sometimes that is just not enough.

However, with all of that said...WE have to worry about US and take care of OURSELVES! Nobody else can do it for us.

I have not dated in the almost year and half that I have been out of my relationship for fear of the same reasons that you listed. I feel that I am not happy with myself therefore how could someone else possibly be happy with me and I don't want to put myself through that. But we have to find a way to make ourselves happy and that is what we have to focus on first before we can focus on trying to make someone else happy.

Best of luck to you during your journey!

Remember...WE MUST KEEP FIGHTING FOR OURSELVES!!!

Million, Hi! xxxxx I split up with my husband after one child, 130lb weight gain and five years of physical & mental abuse. After the initial relief I was left feeling lonely, sad, a failure and a fat useless lump who no one liked but everyone felt sorry for.(his words)
I only talked to guys in bars after a few drinks (too scared to flirt when sober)& like you wondered whether they were weird chubby chasers or just rotters looking for a new target. What I did was an 'action plan' -I'm a firm believer in action & self improvement - I needed a job..therefore needed to go back to college, I needed to lose weight- to be a healthier & happier Mum. I wrote these down, WHAT I wanted & HOW I was going to do/get it, both long & short term, even daily targets (often very small things like only one fattening snack or a ten minute walk) these helped me feel better & improved my self esteem, often I did more than I aimed for (the reason for SMALL) targets & when I had a bad day I'd just do the bare minimum & still feel a sense of moving onwards & upwards.
Hope this helps, please keep posting, everyone here is SO good, kind & warm, we do want to all get healthy & happier & if we help each other get there, so much the better!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx sharon

I'm so sorry you're going through this! First of all, even though you had the idea that it wasn't the right relationship, it always hurts more when the other person does the breaking up.

Everybody grieves differently. Spend some time licking your wounds. If staying in bed all day for a week works for you, that's OK and normal. If it starts to feel unbalanced, do something to pull yourself out of it before it becomes depression ... exercise, art work, counseling, a doctor appointment, going out with friends, anything. It's not fun to grieve, so focus on making yourself as comfortable as possible (without adding ice cream, preferably, because eventually you're going to be back on track and you don't want to have to take off more pounds).

After you get over the initial shock, work on a plan. They say living well is the best revenge, so create a plan of what living well looks like to you. Like voodoo said, an action plan. Some immediate things to make you feel better would be a haircut/color/style, a vacation (even a budget one), taking a class to make your career better, a pedicure, a new item of clothing.

If I were you, I'd not even think about dating right now. You don't want to take the chance of falling for someone who isn't a great match, just to replace what was lost. Now is your time to gain some momentum as a single person, re-establish your identity as the super-cool woman that you already are. Once you master that, your weight will be melting off and your fabulousness will be noticeable by everyone.

I've been in your position before, for sure. Many times! It will get better, I promise!

BTW, I love your screen name! It shows confidence and that you value yourself already (not just after you're at your goal weight).

*HUGS* I think we all go through a mourning period and I think, well I personally believe anyhow, that our bodies shift the energy to dealing with emotions. I am fighting some depression right now and I've noticed that my body tends to go into a hibernation of sorts meaning weight loss kind of goes up, but not really, and yet it doesn't go down. My energy has been shifted to just coping and I believe that is how we survive and heal over time.

I might be single soon, or one day in the near future, and that is a scary thought and I'm going to go through the things you are. Missing that person and it is hard because you miss that person, you miss that connection, you miss that body being around and it does hurt when someone moves on and that is natural and normal.

People will see you for who you are and they won't care about your weight. You're a beautiful person and you deserve happiness, heck we all do.

I think shifting your energies, I need to do this as well, into action to help better yourself and your life is what needs to happen when you are ready. I think our bodies have a way of knowing when it is time to move on from emotional things. *HUGS* Hang in there.

Thank you so much, everybody! You all give me such good advice and help me to get out of the pity party I have for myself at times. I think right now I am really just dealing with the reality of the breakup---realizing and allowing myself to feel sad and cry and whatnot. It hurts a lot, but all I can do is just keep on trucking on, as they say.

Jacquie--I am so sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing. Try and focus on yourself and the healthy things that make you happy (I know, I know, I am being a hypocrite). You have such an effervescent smile! I think that if you become single, that you won't be single for long, unless it is your choice. I think people who exude such positivity attract others to them. I know that I need to take that advice so I can be more outwardly positive.

I did really, really good yesterday and didn't pig out AND I didn't have a meal after 6pm. Woo hoo! I am very happy about that. And today, I put less sugar in my coffee---I wouldn't have put any sugar in my coffee, but I couldn't find any splenda, and the other sweetners taste icky.

I have got my healthy food for today, and I am hoping to not give into fast food temptation. I even avoided my favorite sugary drink when I got home, and it is still just sitting there in the fridge, looking a little perplexed like "whaa?".

thank you everyone for your support. I so sincerely need it!