Wow, what a week last week was -- and this week shall be!

I'm sorry I haven't been around much and am afraid that will continue. Work is just a bit too crazy.

I'm holding my own -- watching what I eat and continuing the exercise. Scale is about even. I'd love to be in "losing mode" but at least am not gaining like crazy.

Hi ladies,

I'm still around; just got quiet. I've been working so much on a computer or either on the phone or in meetings at work lately, that when I get home, I'm not feeling very chatty. Plus I had another bout of head cold/sinus crap for several days that left me exhausted. I think its on its way out now.

All is well here. Other than I need sunshine and dry ground. We've had the wettest winter again this year. I feel so bad for the llamas and alpacas when its wet like this.

We had rain and ice mostly yesterday. Up in the city and northwards they got a lot of snow. I'm not sure but I'd almost rather have had the snow than the rain. The water just stands on top of the ground with no where to go. I hope the roads aren't too slick today.

I've kind of fallen off program with Medifast. Kind of but not completely. My cook can't seems to remember what "lean and green" means for our evening meal. Especially that it doesn't include french fries, pasta or breads. He also wants to get up and fix breakfast for me on the weekends and doesn't get that during the week, I don't eat meals like I used to. I try to remind him, but sometimes I just don't say anything and just eat whatever he wants to have. I'm not sure how to deal with that other than I need to if I'm going to keep at this.

I'm trying to get the exercise going again. I have so fallen off that wagon and the toned muscles I did have are now soft again.

On a fun note, I've been crocheting up a storm and have made several hats. I'm also teaching myself how to knit too. Love it!

I also ordered several vegetable seeds from Jung Seed yesterday. I'm going to try our hands at starting our own plants from seeds this year. I may be on here asking for "now what do I do" when they arrive.

I better hit the shower now. to all!

We had a beautiful weekend here but back to cold and gloom today.
I am determine to break thru my mental barrier and get the rest of the weight off.Not sure what is stopping me...maybe the fear of the unknown.
Food will be POP today...not making it a choice anymore its a MUST!! Exercise will happen!! I will get the weight off!! Whos with me??

The good news is, I'll survive.

The bad news is, I'm going to have to change my screen name again. Perhaps "Life After Gabriel."

There is just absolutely no way I can possibly hang on to my beloved big black dream horse. Husband is waking up to the fact that we're getting divorced, and I'm waking up to just how badly I'm financially destroyed by this marraige. Amazingly, no matter how bad life sucks, there are still good people, good things, new dreams, new goals: There is still hope. There will never be another Gabriel, and I'll almost surely never have another friesian. But how fortunate was I to have the time I've had with him? How lucky, how rich is my life because he's been in it? I'm selling him back to the woman I bought him from, so I know he'll be well cared for and I can go visit him anytime. He's going home. He's taking a piece of my heart with him.

I have so many other horses available that I could ride, if only I could get my weight down. So there it is - motivation. I slipped on ice last week and landed on my tail bone, but I can still walk - Not fast, but I can walk, and I did so for the last couple days. Even got up at 5am this morning and did it before work. I am SO not a morning person.

I'm bracing myself for after 5pm. That's when I lose my furry little mind, but today I intend to handle sundown differently.

Hugs to you about selling Gab. At least you have visitation rights!

Hugs,
Ratkity

Hi girls. Big week for me last week, and this week is starting off with the official endo to my marriage. Papers are signed and filed in court today.

I've been weepy all morning, and I'm trying to analyze it so I can get past it and move on. And not eat over it. I'm experiencing sadness that it all had to come to this ignominious end. Anger with myself that I have mixed feelings about the X (I am not comfortable with some of the positive feelings I'm experiencing about him). Anger over how his lack of character and his behavior have hurtful repercussions on the entire family. Joy to be truly free to make my own choices, live my life most authentically, raise my sons with joy and love and the right limits, and I get my own name back!

I know it's natural to feel all this today. I am capable of working through it all. I just have to get over the annoyance of having to wade through the darker side of divorce. I'm impatient to move on, but I do understand that skipping steps in recovery means I'll just have to go back and do some of the work at a later time.

And none of this work needs to involve food in any way! That's a great thing to understand, and an understanding I am happy to finally accept. So today, I eat only when hungry, I make a healthy choice, and I eat only until satisfied.

(Debi...thanks for the pep talk!) (I wrote Carol earlier - due to a senior moment, sorry Deb!)

Terri, Medifast is a tough program in the early stages, especially when "support" isn't cooperating or understanding what you're trying to do. I had to quit because of the soy allergy, but I still have the eggs and the antioxidant drink mixes that are soy free. I kept them because I wanted to do a modified Medifast program, using the eggs at breakfast and the shakes for snacks in the afternoons when I am more prone to snacking. Well, that was my intention, and it still is. I just haven't implimented it yet. Hope you can find a good solution for yourself with it.

NoLife (I'm sorry, your name is escaping my memory at the moment), I'm glad to hear you're taking care of yourself and you're fueled by hope. Divorce is a constant cycle of mourning a loss and finding strength in the future. Perspective is everything!

Take care, everybody!

I've been OP for 3 days! I think my little "essay" helped me a lot. Think I'll be okay now 'til I hit the 50 lb. mark. Then I'll probably have to have another little talk with myself again.

Warm here ..well high 30's anyway. Rain, sleet, freezing rain and snow are all forecasted for tomorrow. YUCK!

VAL: I'm sorry to hear about your pending divorce and your having to sell Gabe. I don't know if I could visit after I let one of my creatures go to another home but since it's a friend you know he'll be loved, as well as well kept. Change often makes us accept hard decisions but, in the long run, it brings out our best.

GEORGIA: After everything's signed and sealed you really will be able to look forward. I'm proud of you for not leaning on food to help you get through a really stressful day.

DEB: We can do this. We can't let our dumb cravings get the better of us. One day, maybe even one meal at a time combined with pride in what we've accomplished so far will help us meet, and pass, our goals!

TERRI: Sunshine and/or dry ground, I'd take either one right now. I don't know the Medifast program but it was working for you. Maybe you should review what you did in the beginning and try a restart.

HEATHER: I think you need a raise!

Lots of talk about mental blocks around milestones. Count me in - I have some kind of "issue" with moving the big weight on my balance scale from 250 to 200 and at the same time being within 1.5 lbs of 100 lbs lost. right now I feel like I have the resolve to handle it this time - but I'm still 14 lbs away from that time AGAIN.

Val - Gabe will be in a loving place - wish saying it made it not hurt so. Time to heal and regroup - we're here for you.

Hi girls. I just stopped in to say hi to everyone. I have finally got motivated again. It took it a very long time, but I've been doing really good for a while. The scales are steadily going down as of today I have lost 32 pounds, but I had gained so much that you can't tell it yet, but look out I've got it together now, so maybe I can keep it up.
I'll try not to be a stranger again, but probably can't make it in every day.
Looking forward to catching up.

Wow, Val. Quick to you. There's going to be ache (from the fall and Gabriel), but I hope there will be healing too.

Geo - I thought you had got my little pep talk telepathically - glad Debbie beat me to it! We can do this - I'm trying so hard to break my barrier which I know is all in my head. I had a really tough time when I walked in the house tonight wanting to eat everything - when 5 minutes before I was so excited about moving on down.

No exercise for me since Saturday - gotta get back on the stick. I definitely am suffering from winter fatigue - already in my jammies.

Be warm - be well.

Its snowing again...GRRR so far just a light dusting but it was 64 degrees on sat and sunday.I got so excited and now here we are in winter again. I got out yesterday and walked even though it was only 30 degrees.
Food was ok yesterday not great but not to bad. Today will be healthier choices. Hubby was determined I would help him eat the leftover chili.
Carol- I so understand winter fatique.
Im really going to have to work hard to make my exercise goal for feb. Im debating about counting painting my livingroom as exercise..there will be lots of climbing up and down the ladder. I picked out my couch yesterday and IM pumped about it but sure dread the work involved in giving my room a face lift. I just realised its been the same color since 95.Gosh where does the time go??

Morning ladies,

I'm hanging in there this week. I have chime in with the barrier talk. That so happens to me. I set a goal to be in the 250's this month and its like as soon as I set that goal, because it was very doable, then I stall out. Sometimes I think my body does it on its own. Just like it says that its not going to respond to whatever it is that I'm doing. But then I do the stupid things too.

Not much happening this week. Trying to stay warm. I did have a good ride on Spanky on Tuesday and my legs feel every bit of it. I go again tonight.

Valerie - I am so heartbroken for you for your decision to sell Gabe. Maybe you can still ride Gabe occasionally. I am so sorry that the divorce has come about and its going to be such a mess for you. And on top of all that you busted your butt. Dang girl. But hang tough! Don't give up on your health goals; come out the stronger for this.

BarbG - It is so good to see you again. And I'm so happy for you for your loss!! Do come back when you can.

Georgia - Hope your days are getting better. I have afternoon snacking problems and the Medifast does help with that.

Judy - Great job for getting it back together. for good numbers on the scale. My dogs are about to drive me nuts with all this bad weather. We're all getting cabin fever. How about you?

Carol - We're stuck at about the same point. Let's get it together and get into the 250s soon!

Deb - Sorry about the snow. I think we're dry here for a few days. Key word there is "think". Happy painting and fun, fun for a new couch!

Okay, these replies are kinda weak but its early and my brain is not yet engaged. Plus I keep getting interrupted by dogs being ornery this morning. Dixie is now eating something she just got out of the trash in my office. Sigh.

TGITH!

to all!

I'm hanging in there today as well, Terri. But when it rains...

I was in a car accident on Tuesday afternoon. Someone rear-ended me. $2500 damage on my car. I turned it in yesterday to be repaired and I'm renting a car until I get mine back. It's a black sporty sedan. I'm turning gangster heads as I drive around town!

I had to see the doctor yesterday. My neck is really sore, my shoulder and part of my upper back, plus my left wrist is a little swollen and sore. I'll be fine, but the doctor talked to me about other issues and took blood. He's thinking about putting me on Metformin. We chatted about why it's so hard for me to lose weight, that even when I do drastic things like go very low carb or do Medifast I don't lose, or even gain. I have been very resistant to taking pills. I'm afraid once I go down that path, I'll be inexorably tied to meds the rest of my life. But if it helps me jumpstart the weightloss again, and I can reduce stress levels again (which affect blood sugar levels as well), I'll drop enough weight so I won't need any of it any longer.

I came home and treated my low mood with Jane Austin movies and beef and broccoli. I'm starting to feel better this morning. I think for the year after the divorce I won't worry so much about losing weight and concentrate more on full recovery, physically, mentally and emotionally. I trust that the weight will come off with healthy, balanced eating, proper exercise, plus stress management and the right medications.

On a brighter note, I think I only have one more bill to pay to the lawyer! Talk about stress reduction!

I'm really enjoying the home school with Rhyan. We spend quality time together, we're having fun with Wii Sports Resort for recess, he loves serenading me while practicing the bass guitar (OMG! I have to listen to the bass line for the Halo theme over and over and over...plus Iron Man! Pure adolescent boy music.) It's a very rewarding activity for me, and not at all stressful. I can do my homework right along side him. And he seems to be really enjoying the extra time with Mom.

It's time for a little archery and basketball. And then, the most hated subject of Rhyan's school day, Literature. (My personal favorite!)