So, I took a good first step this morning, and weighed myself, and I am hovering around 318lbs. It is a lot, but I have been as high as 332, so 318 is better than that.

My first goal is to get below 300lbs. I feel like just doing that will make me feel so much better than I feel now.

With the emotional stuff going on, plus the budget issues, I have not been eating healthy. I have been eating more to stay full and comforted and eating cheaply.

I am really stressed about my bf. He went through a really difficult period recently, and has had a lot of bills and family stress lately. He has been staying at my place less and less, and he admits that he just feels the need to get away from everything. I feel weird because he is a good guy and I should focus on what he is going through, rather than the insecurities I have. Because he has been staying away for a while, it makes me wonder---Did our last argument push him away? Is he interested in someone else? When we will get back the va va va voom? He has told me that nothing has changed in our relationship, but just that he wants time for himself and to get away from our area. I understand because it seems like there is nothing but work stress and family stress for him here. Also, where he can stay now is nicer than our place in terms of comfort and proximity to his job.

I am trying to deal with my feelings of insecurity. I feel like we are drifting apart and that makes me really sad. So, at night, when he calls me to tell me he won't be home, yeah, I tend to be stressed a bit and I end up eating. I feel like I want him to be happy, and I am really worried about his stress levels now as he seems to get frustrated and upset very easily.

I am eager to get paid---then I can buy food and I can buy food I find healthy. Right now, I am just eating whatever is available at home---wether that be bread and butter or tons of rice.

Welcome and good luck ! I believe it is time for you to concentrate on your self. Everything else will fall in place as it should.

welcome and good luck on your journey!

As of this morning, we weigh the same. My goal is to break 300 lbs too. I've been stuck here for some time now, while going through all the complications of getting divorced. It's almost final, so I'm slowly getting my brain back to myself. Still, a long standing habit of worrying about my marriage is hard to break. I'm trying to find other things to replace it, and I'm trying to find a way to quiet my mind, so I can get away from the racing thought cycles.

A marriage slowly falling apart and an eventual divorce brings up A LOT of insecurities over a long period of time...it gets to be a habit. Fortunately for me, I'm turning 49 in a couple of weeks and I no longer give a rip about what other people think of me, their judgements, etc. But it was a long road to getting here, one that included banging my head against the wall of insecurity until I discovered and accepted it had no purpose in my life.

It may sound like something that's said lightly, but you only need to concern yourself with the state of your own being. Your bf will do what he thinks he needs to do. And it may be the right or wrong choice he makes, but I'm pretty sure it's not about you. The more you free your heart and mind from worry and insecurity, the more joy you will experience. Even in the midst of an imperfect life.

As for the bread and butter and tons of rice...been there, done that!
Bread fried in butter
Rice fried in butter
Rice with ketchup
Rice with parmesan
Bread with mayo and parmesan
Bread with ketchup
Rice with butter and fresh garlic (that was supposed to help me get over a cold)
Pasta with butter and garlic
Pasta with parmesan
Pasta with ketsup
Spaghetti with ketsup on bread

Eventually I switched to brown rice, whole wheat bread and whole wheat pasta...and got really regular!

Invest in the dried beans. We're having black-eyed pea salad for dinner tonight, and my kids love it. .69/bag from the local grocery outlet. I cooked then drained them, added some chopped red onions and garlic, spring onions, a tomato, can of sliced olives, chopped fresh parsley, then dressed it with olive oil and red wine vinegar. A little grilled chicken on the side. One bag will feed us for two meals.

Agreed. Good Luck to you!

Hi Milliondollars!

I feel you - I've been down that road of eating waaaay to cheap too. Sometimes we just don't have a choice in the matter The good news is you still can eat cheap if you do it like geoblewis; change from white to brown food. Oh yeah, and also: portion control. It shouldn't be a problem - we're usually fuller faster and longer on Brown Food

About your bf I agree with the comment above that it's time for you to focus on yourself. I totally get that you want to be a good gf, but sometimes we just have to back off and let our significant others do the work. You deserve it!

Good news! You can find good food cheap. Yesterday I picked up 3 giant heads of cauliflower for $1.29 a head! I got huge red bell peppers for .50 cents each. Yogurt was only .50 cents too. Bag-o lettuce on sale for .79 cents a bag and large oranges .20 each. Blueberries for 2.29 for a 12oz box. Oh and eggs...they were on sale for .69 cents a dozen. For around $10 I got massive amounts of fruits/veggies that will last for days. The same $10 would have bought me a pail of ice cream and a bag of chips...

You can find good food on sale cheap, you just need to prepare it instead of unwrap it. Takes more effort.

As far as your boyfriend...well, if he wants "time away", let him go. That is the oldest most used excuse in the book. I'm not saying it's "over", but I think it's not mentally healthy for you anymore. If you were to get married and have a couple of kids and he has the same excuse a few years from now, what will you do then? Work on you. He's a big boy, let him figure himself out.

Thank you so much everybody!

You are right about the money part----I was leaning towards buying some frozen burritos to feed myself for the next few days until payday, even though I know that all of the flour in the tortillas isn't good.

I CAN buy some coconut milk and make a brown rice comfort food type thing. That is healthier, right?

I can also buy high fiber cereal and milk and some more lean protein and water and eggs, etc. I can eat healthier if I choose to. I just need to be able to see that healthy food can keep me just as full as non-healthy food.

My bf and I talked yesterday, and I was asking him if he had enough food, and he was like he is okay and not to worry about him and that he wants me to make sure I am giving myself enough. I told him that of course I eat enough. I know that what he was saying was that at times I have given him better food than I have given myself (i justify this because he works very hard physical work, and I sit all day, and I am very overweight and not going to be emaciated anytime soon). I talked with him and said that I understand that I am sometimes too motherly. He said that he doesn't like that, and I said I need help with finding the balance between caring and coming across as too motherly, or coming across as being uncaring. I realize that I need to just focus on me and not put his food needs first. I have a problem with doing that in relationships.

So, I have about 11 dollars (maybe as much as $20) to put towards buying food for myself for the next week or so. I am going to think of what to buy.

Million...be good to yourself, honey. The most attractive, sexy women are confident women, whether they weigh 100lbs or 300lbs. Learn to love YOU. I'm not saying become a stuck up idiot, but realize that you've got to take care of you first, because, let's face it, men leave sometimes. And even when they don't, we end up tending to them most of the time instead of them tending to us. YOU ARE A STRONG, SEXY WOMAN! You don't need a man to prove that. Hope you get to doing better soon, honey! Like Madonna said, "until I learned to love myself, I was never really loving anybody else!"

Welcome! You can do it!!! Take care of yourself. Make yourself a priority. We are all here to help, encourage, listen, whatever....

Thank you everyone. I do realize that I need to put myself first. I do realize that at times I do more for others than I do for myself. I do think that it is sometimes reflected in my appearance.

today was an ok day. not great, just ok. I also found out that someone who I had a lot of respect for, may have been saying some disses about me because, well, I am a bit liberal. that was really disappointing to hear as I did try to listen to that person's views, even though I do not agree, and I was always respectful to him. so, it is a bit of a bummer.

Other than that, things are going ok. I did not buy the donuts and fatty food I had planned. I do need to focus now on getting more rest, and really just listening to what my body wants and needs.

thank you everybody for your support.

Congrats on passing on the donuts!! What an accomplishment! Keep going baby, take one day at a time, sometimes it's just one moment at a time but you're doing great!

And remember it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you, it's what you think of you!

Thank you! I did okay today. I bought food and was scanning the cereal boxes like crazy trying to find an affordable and tasty one with a good amount of fiber. I have also made my lunch for work, and I plan on weighing myself tomorrow morning.

My bf is very kind and asked me if I wanted him to bring anything home, I told him what I wanted, and he asked me if there was anything else I wanted. I know I have to work on asking for more. I tend to ask for only a little amount because I worry about it being too much---whether it be too much in terms of my bf's budget, or on a deeper level of being afraid to ask for more because I grew up being disappointed when I got my hopes up too high.

What I want to know is, how do women do it? How do some women ask (and get) what they want? I don't know how to ask, and feel uncomfortable do so. i don't want to tread into that realm of being a gold digger, you know?

million,
I've been married for almost 20 years and what I've learned is by nature men are fixers. They like to feel needed, nothing is more important to a man then being able to provide for his woman, regardless of what it is. Sometimes we need emotional support, sometimes we need time, sometimes we need items.

It sounds like you have a good guy, he'd much rather reach out and help you in any way he can, then know you were suffering in silence when he could have done something. That would kill him.

You're not a gold-digger, good night did you ask him to bring you home a new car or a diamond tiara? Are you asking him to get you things just because you can and he has to prove his worth by what he buys you? That is a gold-digger, you are NOT that.

Ask because you love him. Ask because he loves you. It's that simple.
Love is work but love is worth it.

Million...I was much heavier when I started my weight loss journey. My now husband met me when I was close to 300 lbs and it didn't stop him from loving me...and he is a fantastic guy! You just have to give in and love YOU enough to go forward. Been there...done that. You can do this!

Frozen veggies, eggs, dried legumes/beans, brown rice are all inexpensive. I just bought 6 heads of romaine lettuce for $2.50 at Costco. That will make a lot of salad which is good for you and filling.

I wish you well!