I'm in the middle of getting divorced. It wasn't my choice, but nevertheless, I've been ushered out of my life and ended up in a place I never intended to be.

I've been diagnosed with clinical depression before. I worked through it with meds and therapy. I've been off meds for a few years now, doing well. Kept up with the therapy, learned a lot, and grew even more. That's part of the problem with the marriage...he says I outgrew him and he finds no value in growth. So now I understand the "unequally yoked" thing and know I will be better off without him. I'm working through life, raising sons on my own, caring for aging and ailing parents, trying to find work, trying to finish school...basically moving forward.

But in the last few weeks, I'm feeling the old depression creeping in. I had been keeping up with a whole routine for managing depression that included diet, exercise, supplements and emotional support. But over the holidays, it all fell apart for various reasons. And now it's all I can do to get the boys out the door in the mornings so I can go right back to bed or veg in front of the TV. I don't like living this way, but it used to be that when I felt like this, I summoned all my anger to fuel my strength and get me going in the right direction to get myself out of my funk. It's not working this time. All I feel is weepy and lethargic. And I don't want to be in this place.

I can't let anyone see me this way. I white knuckle myself through doing dishes, the laundry, taking a shower, cooking meals, getting the boys to after-school activities. I've dropped out of school for the rest of the semester. I can't think straight. I am going for blood tests in three weeks, something I had put off because life got complicated. Hope my doctor can help.

Wish I could skip eating when I'm depressed. Apparently I don't roll that way.

This feels like an "oh woa is me" rant. I'm going to go back to bed now.

Feeling better today. Got a lot done this morning. Didn't go back to bed, limited my morning TV, made bad breakfast choices. Went to the library and got a book on organizing one's life in a year. And one on what to do when your parents move in with you...just getting ready for that. Helps me feel like I'm ready to make a plan. Maybe that's all I really needed, motivation.

Thanks for listening.

Congratulations on your day!! I've been where you are and it's not fun. I also have sons and I've had those days where I can barely get them off to school and I go back to bed. There were days that I would go back to bed and sleep til 11 or 12. It was horrible, but it was all I could do. I couldn't get out of it by myself. I found a good psychiatrist who found the right meds for me and I have been getting better ever since. I feel better about myself than I have in years. I am also going to therapy and I look forward to what I can learn from that.
I can't imagine being where you are and NOT being depressed. I applaud your positive outlook. Just keep doing what you can handle each day. I read a book once that said if you make yourself take a shower in the morning and get dressed you will feel more like moving on with your day. I have had to force myself to do it at times and it did work for me. I hope you can keep moving forward. Don't be afraid to go back on the meds if you need to. I know many people don't like to take meds but I can't say enough about how they have helped me get my life back. And anytime you want to vent, we are here for you.

Day two of dragging myself back to a positive place. It started with rain throughout the night, but by morning the skies were clear, bright and blue, everything looked and smelled clean, and it felt good to be outside.

I went to my parents' for lunch, all good veggies, and then ran errands for them afterwards. Just got back home from picking up one son. The other one is walking home. One load of clothes washed and dried. I showered and got dressed in nice clothes. The kitchen isn't clean, but there's a clean load of dishes in the dishwasher that I'll put away in a minute. And dinner is in the process of being cooked.

I still feel pretty lethargic and yucky. I know it's my soy allergy that's dragging me. I haven't been as vigilant as I was before the holiday. This morning I was craving a bagel in the worst way (soybean oil in the ingredients), and at lunch I had some ground turkey (fed on soy - it always affects me). I'll just drink water the rest of the day and hope it clears out what's in my system in the next three hours.

Perhaps the "depression" is entirely the soy reaction. I hope.

Aww hang in there girl. You have a lot of changes going on in your life right now. Sometimes with depression you just have to fake it till you make lol and if that does not work to bring you out of it then see your doctor. It sounds like you are self aware and know what to do, so just sending hugs!

Geo, so glad you are trying to get yourself where you need to be. I am no stranger to depression either. Sometimes I have to literally FORCE myself too. The strange thing is that I know what to do to MAKE me feel better--diet, sunshine, interacting with others, working out. The recipe is difficult to follow when I get really down in the trenches though. I try to just put one step in front of the other, and make one decision at a time--trying to always head towards the light rather than staying in the depths of my gloom.

Anyway, it sounds like you are getting back on the right track. Awesome. I am sorry for the divorce too and hugs are coming your way. Keep on keeping on. Please keep letting us know how you are doing.

ETA: Med-free here too! Fish oil mixed with the points above--that's it.

Hugs Georgia! I was diagnosed with major depression at 19 but it worsened to schizo-affective when I was getting my life back on track. I still sleep too much but I feel better than I ever have. God, therapy, meds. and good friends can work wonders. I'm here for you. PM me anytime. I spend most of my life on the computer, lol.

You chicks are so wonderful! Thanks for the supportive love. Coming here, getting a reality check and some validation really helps me.

It's a rainy, windy day in Central California, and I love this weather! I'm like a duck, I guess. I have been in a good mood most of the day, got some work done, spent quality time with my kids, got out of the house. Since I got back to properly managing my health this past week, and have successfully avoided the evil soy (evil for me), my energy level has started climbing again.

Did some other positive things for myself this week. I found some meet-up groups to join. This week I'll be going to a spiritual-growth meet-up, and in two weeks I'll be meeting with some philosophy buffs. I started back on my rowing machine. I want to get into better shape so I can join a sculling group that rows on the delta on weekends. The racing boats they use hold up to 240 lbs, and that's a good thing for me to shoot for because I really, really want to do this!

So, things are looking up for me, for now. The real test is next month, when the divorce will become final. I have a lot of emotional stuff to work through yet.

Huge congrats on joining the groups. It's a wonderful idea and maybe someting I could look into. I really need to meet some friends that are a good influence for me. A large group of us (about 36) went away last weekend and although it was fun, there was A LOT of drinking going on. It kinda sucked to be sitting in a different room for all the other people since I didn't want to get wasted. And I am a very social person to whom friendships are important. Joining a group like that could be just what I need. I'm glad things are going better for you.

Mom - I remember partying with people after I quit drinking...I can't believe how much stupider they were when I was sober! And the constant questioning: "Why aren't you drinking?" "Have you quit drinking for good?" "Are you an alcoholic and have to quit?" "You quit drinking because it makes you gain weight? WTF!?" Do non-drinkers make drinkers feel uncomfortable?

I did end up having to make a whole bunch of new friends, but it's really difficult to find fun, non-drinkers! Until you get older. Then everybody has to quit drinking and change their diet because everybody's older and trying to live longer. Health/sports enthusiasts are rather intense with their athletic and diet obsessions. I do prefer more artistic interests, books and political discussion. And dancing. I can actually dance while completely sober! And it's fun!

Why live longer if you're not having fun? So I'm hoping that some of these meetup groups are fun.

Hey there..I am in the same boat as you with drinking..I WORK at a bar so everyone thinks i am crazy for not liking the whole party lifestyle. i mean i like it but the next day i hate how i feel and it is unhealthy. the only people i meet are the kind that like that lifestyle making it hard for me to find relationships and worthy friendships with people wanting to lead a healthy lifestyle. of course there is moderation but those people are more likely to be in school or working than hanging out at the same bar every day. thankfully i am starting school back up but meetup sounds fun!

hope this isn't too personal but i see you are in CA...any chance it's the SF bay area? I am going to find a meetup group in my area for exercise and whatever...

Now I KNOW I have to find new friends. Thanks for the support. Like I said, a group of us went away together this weekend and the women (other than me) got pretty drunk and they were screaming and laughing really loud and I had to wonder if that's what I act like. My hubby said sometimes I do and sometimes not, but who knows. If thats what I act like, I want that to stop NOW. And it's really hard to hang around a bunch of people who are drinking when you're not drinking yourself. I guess some people could do it, but I can't. But thanks for the support and good ideas.

Hey Charlotte, I'm not that far from you...Lodi. Tell me what groups you find out your way. I am going to join a writing guild in the East Bay region, so I'll be over there at least once a month.

Tonight's my spiritual-growth group. It was a rough day for me, and while I really feel like curling up in my bed tonight, I'm going to fix my hair, put on lipstick, and go get spiritual with these people. I think it's what I really need tonight.

Georgia, I'm glad to hear that you are coming out of your funk. Divorce is a roller coaster ride, for sure. The first year or two was pretty rocky for me, but honestly, I was happier even though things were rocky because I finally felt like I could be ME. I didn't realize how far from being myself I had strayed until I was free to be myself again, if that makes sense.

So hang in there, chickie. It can sometimes be a rough ride but just keep your eye on that spot on the horizon and you'll make it through these rough times. And spring is just around the corner, so that will help.

Geo, I admire the way you're plodding through your depression and beginning to see daylight again. I've been in one too--reacting to non-stop gloomy weather--but I'm also just on the edge of climbing out of the pit.