I posted the other day that I'm struggling, big time and got lots of good advice.
But I feel even worse this past couple of days. The scale is still going up and down those same couple of pounds and I feel so close to the edge of giving up completely and having a major binge. The only thing that is stopping me is that I know if I did that I'd soon start to gain every single pound back.
I know everyone deals with plateaus and I'm lucky that I've managed to lose 50lbs, but I'm actually thinking that maybe this isn't a plateau, maybe I'm not meant to lose anymore weight, maybe I'm meant to be 274lbs like I was to start with.
I just feel totally out of control and panic stricken. I have so much more to lose and I feel like something has gone wrong and I can no longer do this.
I felt more positive yesterday but today I just can't handle it. I know I'm having a major pity party and I wish I could snap myself out of it, but I don't know how.
I see hubby and my daughter eating all the junk and I feel like "what's the point in me depriving myself if I'm not getting payback for my hard work".
It's like I've got a split personality right now, part of me knows I can't give up or I'll end up back where I was, but the other part is telling me what's the point in all this, it's not working anymore, you might as well give up....
I've been in tears most of the day, I know it's not TOM that's due which is making me tearful or causing water retention. I've considered trying to change my eating plan completely and maybe joining a slimming club (which I REALLY don't want to do, my gym membership costs enough). I've thought about what I can change exercise wise, maybe get my routine changed at the gym.
But all this doesn't help the feeling of total panic and despair I'm feeling right now. I know in the grand scheme of life this is stupid and I feel like a real drama queen, but losing my excess weight is more important to me than anything else in my life right now, and I have no-one to slap me out of it and tell me what I need to do to get through it.