Last night I had another dream that I was the old me. Not size wise, but that I was binge eating sweets. It was really more of a nightmare. There was that deep tortured sense of sadness, imprisonment and loss of control. And disappointment in myself. It was terrible. When I woke up and realized it was a dream I was so relieved I almost cried.

I used to have these dreams (and sometimes still do) when I quit smoking. It's like the deep rooted subconsious fears come out of returning to the old way of life.

I will never forget this battle never ends! How can I?? I don't think I want to. it's what keeps me where I am.

I have these dreams of smoking. I stopped 13 years ago, and initially I had them very frequently. I still do, although very, very rarely now, but I had one or two dreams about bingeing and also about being my old weight.

I take them as something positive. They remind me of what I never want to go back to - I`m so relieved when I wake up slim! :-) Always wished that would happen to me when I was really large and bingeing, haha! :-)