So, lately I've been struggling a lot with the way people (specifically my family) perceive me. Not just from a weight standpoint, but as far as what I have and haven't accomplished and what kind of person I am. And of course I do feel like they look down on me or are slightly embarassed of me because of my weight, although they are not open about that.
My dad makes me feel the worst. No one on his side of the family is overweight. My brother and I are the only ones who ever enter the house who have weight issues. And I feel like he struggles to be proud of me in that way that fathers are supposed to be proud of their daughters because I'm...big. My younger half sister is probably going to be skinny (she's already tall and blonde...) and he is very doting with her. He never SAYS anything mean, it's more just...that he doesn't really look at me much. He seems irritated by me because I'm not what he would prefer me to be as a daughter.
I also just feel like an overall disappointment because of how things have turned out in my life. I got pregnant my senior year of high school, so a lot of things were put on the back burner for me and I just haven't gotten around to going back to school. And I feel like my family assumes that I just won't, that I'm just a failure, shrug. That kills me because I don't want to be a failure and I know I have potential...it's almost like I need them to tell me that I'm not so that I'll prove it...?
I'm a good mom and I love it, but I want to go back to school, I want to have a good relationship (gah...) and I want to move out (yes, I live with my mom...yay), but I feel like I have no resources and no time. I'm working on losing weight for myself and I think my family would be proud of me...but maybe only because I'd be a skinner failure than before...
Sorry, that was long, I just wanted to vent.