Some of you may know from my other posts that I currently reside in Japan. In the U.S., I don't know if service people like clerks in stores treat customers badly or speak poorly of them because of their weight, but it happens a fair amount to me in Japan. Today, I had one of those experiences.

I went into a convenience store and the young woman at the counter said something to the effect of "whoah!" when she saw me. There are two expressions in Japanese which carry a bad connotation with one word that don't translate well into English. One of them is essentially, "how awful!" and the other is "whoah, look at that!" She used the latter when she saw me (and no one else was in the store or had just entered, so I know it was about me). Japanese people do this to me ALL THE TIME when they see the fat foreigner walking around. Average people do it because they don't care about my feelings. Service people do it because they think I don't understand what they're saying.

After this woman did that, I looked her right in the eye to let her know that I knew exactly what she was doing and she put on her fake service face and smiled and gave the typical "welcome" greeting in Japanese. In Japan, they actually have a saying for each of their two faces - the public face and the private face. Service people think that it's okay to use their "private face" around foreigners because we're not important enough to be given the same respect as Japanese customers or they simply think that we won't understand what they're saying.

After many, many years of this type of thing in Japan, I feel completely objectified and dehumanized. I know people get treated badly and made fun of in the U.S. (it happened to me there, too), but here the way in which I am considered outside of the social norms of behavior is very demoralizing. It feeds directly into my sense that being fat makes me valueless and less human than other people around me.

For the record, the Japanese people are generally seen as polite because of the emphasis on the "public face" which most tourists encounter during their brief visits here, but the truth is that they can be very, very cruel when they think you won't comprehend what they're doing, when you are viewed as powerless (because you're alone and in their cultural setting) or when you're not looking/paying attention.

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry you have to endure this kind of treatment. I don't care what your culture is, it's not fair to judge someone by their appearance. Actually, it's more than unfair. It's cruel. I don't know what it's like in Japan, but here, there are lots of talk shows and general shows (e.g. The Biggest Loser) where mass audiences get to know what it's like to be over weight and even though some people still treat us poorly, there is more empathy or sympathy for those who are struggling with their weight.

Also, in the U.S. there are a lot more over weight people than in Japan, so it's just more tolerated here.

Regardless, I"m truly sorry you had to endure such treatment. You probably can't change the way you are treated (other than pointing out to them that you understand and letting them know how cruel they are), but you can focus on what you know about yourself and knowing that you are worth so much more than the sum of your parts.

I would definitely feel horrible if I was in Japan, but at the same time, maybe it would teach me more about myself and who I am and what I can handle. In the face of adversity, you can rise above it and become more enlightened. Also, you can always come to 3fc and get tons of support.

Hugs to you....I hope you're ok.

I'm sorry to hear that It really is very sad that people can be so ignorant and insensitive.

I'm in Korea and it's often the same. I hear horror stories from so many friends who go into stores and are practically chased out by salespeople who tell them that they don't have big sizes. They are often extremely rude about it too. Many friends who eat the same as Koreans do get constant comments about their weight from colleagues and strangers. Things like, "Why are you so fat?" or "Why do you eat so much?" Hellloooo, I'm not Korean and don't have the metabolism of a horse. You won't believe how much they eat and get away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as lucky.

Most Korean women are tiny and the sizes here reflect that. I'm pretty much maintaining and thin by most standards, but being pretty tall I often struggle to find clothes in their stores. Here, thin is beautiful and it's a very looks centred society. So if you're not thin and/or beautiful life can be hard.

But just to say hang in there and ignore them. They're not worth the effort of getting upset. People like those clearly have a heap of their own issues and insecurities to deal with. Hold your head high and walk in there because you're worth a million of them

Wow! I never knew about the public face/private face thing. Sorry you had to go through that humiliation.

I enjoyed reading your blog. You have a very intelligent writing style.

Thanks to everyone for the kind and supportive words. I really appreciate it!

Tagan47: I've heard that Korea is even more brutal than Japan in regards to weight. Part of the reason is that they aren't as restrained as the Japanese in general, and part is that Japan is one of the "fattest" Asian countries and Korea the slimmest. That's not to say there are many fat Japanese, but compared to other Asian countries, the percentage is higher. That's probably why they're instituting measures to make people lose weight.

Judy Lynn: Thanks ever so much! My ego always loves to hear such words about my writing! :-)

I'm very shocked to hear how bad it is over there. I, like most others, have always thought the Japanese to be friendly folks. So sorry that you have to put up with that nonsense. How long have you lived in Japan for? Did you know the things you do now (public/private face) before you went?

My boyfriend and I have always wanted to visit Japan, but now I can just envisage me being mocked constantly, and both of us feeling humiliated and upset Don't really fancy it anymore.

Sounds awful. Have you thought about retorting? Maybe you can say "I know you think I can't understand what you're saying, but even to someone who doesn't speak a word of japanese it would be obvious that you are making fun of me. I came in here to give you my business and now I'm taking my business elsewhere."

Also, have you thought about complaining to management? People will often not change their thinking but they can change their behavior. What about going to a local news show or approaching a magazine with this story? I don't know how the media works in Japan but here in america this kind of public interest story would probably make it in the news.

I once went to a sushi restaurant and ordered 3 rolls. The Japanese waiter said "Whoa that's aLOT of food!!" It made me feel awful so I'm not surprised by the response you're getting. Don't get me wrong, I have many japanese friends I adore, but I totally understand about the public face personna.

There are rude and insulting people everywhere. Don't let them get to you. Re : Koreans , I had a wonderful Vietnamese neighbor and I said to him that I had heard that other Asians say Koreans are low class, he said " Well, they are low class."

Ouch, I think that's a rather low class anecdote to repeat about a cultural stereotype Do you include your wonderful neighbor as one of those rude and insulting people that are everywhere? All I can say is wow.

screamingfatgirl,

I am sorry to hear about your experience with that woman. I am not glad that I didn't understand what people were saying about me when I went to Cambodia. My husband is Cambodian and we went there to visit his uncle and cousins last year. Every where I went all I heard was "tsk, tsk." My husband tried to convince me that it was a good sound, like they were saying "oh my gosh, she is so beautiful" Hahaha, I am sure some people MAYBE were saying that, but I believe now that it was definitely not the majority of them.

We climbed up this "mountain" with sooo many stairs in my father-in-law's home town. I got a lot of looks and tsk ing that day. My husband later explained to me though that those were good looks. They couldn't believe a girl as big as I am could get up that mountain. Hahaha I am glad I proved them all wrong. I guess most "obese" Cambodian people have the reputation of not being able to move at all.

It just goes to show how differently cultures around the world look at people. I agree though that you should have said something back to them in Japanese, that would have really shocked them.

I learned to say "Don't do that, that is rude"(or something in that manner) in Khmer when I was there. On the last day I was there, we were at the market and these women were snickering at me and I said that to them. All of a sudden their jaws dropped and they said, "oh!! she is speaking Khmer," and I just walked away from them. It felt so good!!

This entire THREAD is leaving me with a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE taste in my mouth. Seriously people... think before you perpetuate such incredibly rude stereotypes Just because we're talking about Japanese people or Korean people DOES NOT MAKE IT any more socially acceptable on this site than to be perpetuating rude stereo types about African American people or Canadian's for example.

Maybe some of this comes from the fact that other countries don't have the abundance of food that the US does and they think we are eating more than our share to get so overweight. I still think it's wrong to condem the whole country for that.

I don't mean to sound insensitive or anything, but why are people getting upset about this thread? I've read through everything and what I'm personally getting out of it is how it doesn't matter where you go in the world, there will be some people (not the whole country) that can be mean spirited. And it doesn't matter what country or where you are, we just need to not let the mean comments get to us or stop us from reaching our goals.

I don't think anyone meant to judge or stereotype anyone but I can't speak for everyone I'm just stating that's what I was getting from reading this.

And I think the OP maybe was trying to get support from us not trying to negatively stereotype anyone...

"but the truth is that they can be very, very cruel when they think you won't comprehend what they're doing, when you are viewed as powerless (because you're alone and in their cultural setting) or when you're not looking/paying attention."

I took great offense to this statement. now whether offense was MEANT or not is not my issue. I think it's statements like THIS that breed hatred