From the age of three when i had my first taste of chocolate, i have been addicted to sweets. I love everything sugar has to offer, i love cooking desserts, and even more, eating them. It's what got me to the weight i am today.

The saddest thing about them, is that no matter what i do I can't stop eating them, the bigger problem is that my dad has a superfast metabolism and can eat almost anything he wants and not gain an ounce! and he LOVES chocolate, so there is always junk food in the house, EVERYWHERE!

Whats even sadder is that I know that eating them is wrong, so while my family will be in the living room or in bed, i will sneak a bite of cake, or a lick of icing, or a candy bar in the kitchen. I know its wrong, so i hide it away from everybody, I do the same thing while im at work, during lunch break i'll go to the nearest drive thru and pig out. It's horrible, but when you don't have alot of money to be providing for your self only, you start eating what everyone else buys, and because everyone else is relatively healthy and skinny, I get stuck with the junk food they keep in the house. When i do get healthy snacks or healthy foods, everyone clamors to eat them. like they can't buy them there selves?

So Its hard trying to find the motivation to stop eating junk food, and start eating healthy snacks more often. It is just so hard to find the support, everytime i go to the kitchen i find a new snack that is tasty and I just have to have a piece, a slice, or a bite of it in some way. I just cannot get swayed to change that part of me, the part that needs changed more then anything.

Wow, This was a lot like what I had to deal with when I was younger and wanted to try and lose weight. I was the heviest person in the family, and being a mexican family, it was hard to find healthy foods. Lots of carbs, fatty meats and sweets and salty stuff everywhere. Sometime it seemed the only healthy thing in the house was water from the sink.

Yet I knew there was healthier things for me to eat, and my father would have bought me anything I needed to lose weight. healthy foods and such. So I tried to eat as best i could...extra large helpings of veggies, small serving of extra deep fried whatever was on the menu. and I only had one helping while everyone had two (or three in the case of my skinny step-brother.) And I was happy with that because I would do the very same thing you did.

I would sneak out at night and grab a whole plate worth of food to run up to my room and munch on while I was studying. Or just eat it right there in the kitchen.

Two things really stopped me in my tracks though. One night I was at the fridge, digging around for something to much on in the middle of the night. and as I was taking a bite I had a sudden vision of seeing myself as if i was sitting on the kitchen counter watching me dig in the fridge and chowing down. I litterally stopped in mid chew and thought about it. ...What would I say or do if I saw someone else doing this? "Wow they must have no self control...what a pig...what's the point of eating better if they just ruin it like that? ect...I remember having to spit the food out in the trash because I could not bring myself to swallow it.

Second was a tip that I read in a book a few years back, saying something like..."I dare you to eat something unhealthy in front of a mirror." And it is impossible to stand there and watch yourself eat that cake/cookies/double cheeseburger. For awhile I would allow myself to have the unhealthy snack only if i ate it in front of a mirror. (I have lots of mirrors in my room for this reason.) And it's hard to even want to eat anything bad thinking about watching yourself in the mirror.

I want to see myself eating healthy, fresh food or munching on fruit, not scooping pie in my mouth or taking that big bite from a hamburger.

It's really hard to stop that secretive eating. It's ugly and we hide it from our family and friends but it's impossible to hide it from ourselves. Once I became self aware of what I was doing, it was easier to stop. even on those night when I didn't care. I was stressed or upset and I had to eat something. I would force myself away from the fridge and find something more satisfying. Crunchy fruit.. hard nuts that I had to crack myself to eat.

This was all back in highschool. Once I got my job and had better control over what I ate it's been easier. But there are still times. (like last weekened) when all i bought was sweets. I was on a pretty good detox diet of fruit and veggies, no sugar or red meat and by the end of the week I was CRAVING sugar. I allowed myself to by one small pint of ice-cream...then thought, what the heck, two boxes of cookies, one box of oatmeal cream sandwich cookies and a "sugar free" Coconut cream pie.

I didn't even like the taste of all that sweet stuff. I still have the two boxes of cookies sitting here. I ate the ice cream, shared the pie between four other people, and had only two of the oatmeal cream cookies and I feel so icky I think I can go a while without the sugar. I know self control is so hard. half the reason I couldn't stand it anymore was because i caught myself, mouth open and everything, about to take a bite of the cookie and felt terrible because i;m doing so good on my weight loss (finally) Why was I going and screwing it up? I still don't know why, but even so...I'm still gonna try my hardest. and I guess everyone is going to have their slip-up days and that's okay.

not everyone in the family is going to support you, some may even want you to fail because of their own insecurities. But you can't let that stop you or hold you back.

depending on what kind of relationship you have with your parents, perhaps you should talk to them about getting better food in the house. not that they have to eat it, so that you can eat it. better snacks too. So on those night you just have to chew on something, it won't be so bad. and if all else fails you can try eating in front of a mirror so you can't hide from yourself

Good luck on your journey, I hope I didn't talk your ear off LOL

I know how u feel, I'm. Constantly wanting to snack. I will sneak in the middle of the night so my bf wont know, its horrible. Just have to think how bad to I reallying want this?? Eat something unhealthy and gaining more, be more unhealthy or to choose a healthier snack and loose weight and be healthy!

I know exactly where you're coming from. It's a hard thing to get over, but you can move past it. It takes will-power. For me, it wasn't the will-power to not eat the food. It was the will-power to admit I was eating the food. If I want a piece of fudge, I tell my husband. Sounds stupid, right? Why would I look for permission from my husband to eat something?

Honestly, I'm not looking for permission. I'm desperately seeking admonition. After enough introspection, I've come to the conclusion that my overeating was a sick plea for attention, for someone to care enough to tell me to put down the tasty poison and start taking proper care of my body. I, too, heard the "eat junk food in front of a mirror" challenge. I can do it. Maybe I'm just self-loathing enough that I can stare in a full-length mirror while I dive into a pint of Ben & Jerry's. But...dear Lord...the look on my husband's face when I say, "I think I'm going to eat that cookie." It's full of pity and sadness and confusion. "Why would you do that?" he'll say. "You've done so well. Why would you ruin it for a stupid cookie?"

Of course, he's not always around. The other aspect of the admission of eating will-power is to admit to yourself that you're eating it. Really think about the last time you secretively binged. How did the food smell? What did it look like? What did it taste like? What was its texture? How long did the flavor stay on your tongue? More importantly than "just not eating it," us secret bingers don't pay enough attention to the food. It's the simple act of taking something from our hand to our mouths that makes us feel better.

Let's face it, we all got fat because we have an eating disorder. Just like an anorexic doesn't eat to gain control, we overeat to gain control. We gain a bit of weight at first and become self-conscious. All eyes are on the fat chick [who isn't really fat]. "Look at the fatty with the burger." I'm fairly certain we've all had that thought at one time or another, well before we hit our maximum density [I know I have]. So, we stop eating the crap in public or around family. We show them how healthy we are. A salad, a chicken breast, an apple. Then, when all backs are turned, we let loose and give into ourselves. Just the one cookie. No one is looking. The one turns into two. Then three. Then a glass of milk to wash it down. That little bit of pie leftover. A scoop of ice cream. Something salty to balance it out. And now we're gaining weight, and everyone is confused because we eat such healthy food all the time!

Ugh.

I remember those days. I'm so happy they're gone. That's NOT to say I don't have the urge still. After a massive fight with my husband, I just want to feed. I can whip up a batch of brownies in nothing flat. So I have my admit to eating it rule. I have to positively answer those five basic questions (smell, appearance, texture, taste, aftertaste) before, during and after every bite. I've found that sweets, while excessively tasty, don't pass muster past the third or fourth bite. If I just want to shovel food into my mouth, I'll make a pot of wilted greens. That can be shoved in just as well as ice cream.

I simply couldn't follow the "eat when you're hungry rule." I put on 95 pounds (120 at my very highest) by overeating. It's not like my stomach is going to give an accurate representation of hunger. Honestly, it took a good year for me to begin to realize true hunger. So, for a long time, I had to judge whether or not the food was filling a need. I keep a container of very high quality, individually-wrapped chocolate (of various flavors) stashed away. If I have a craving, I go and select a single piece. Honest to Pete, it takes me 15 minutes to eat a single chocolate square. My craving is for food [chocolate] not action [eating], so I'm deadset on tasting every last bit of it. And it's funny that it takes so long, because I used to be able to down 1,000+ calories in 15 minutes. A giant brownie, topped with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce and a glass of milk. It still sounds delicious, but I know if I ate it the way I used to, I wouldn't be reaping the benefit of the food. I wouldn't taste it at all, except maybe a faint hint of some chocolate flavor mixed in somewhere. It would just be automatic eating.

Altari, I really loved your post. I could totally identify with all of it...except for the part about my husband. Although I have done the majority of my binge eating in private, I have no qualms about doing it in his presence. He cannot stop me...only I can stop me. Luckily, I've been much better at not eating during times of high stress. I have HAD to get a grip on that because I have a child with special needs and there is always a ton of stress involved. Anyway, thanks for that very meaningful summary of how you have found your way to the other side of disordered eating. I have yet to get to such a state where I can nibble on a square of chocolate for 15 minutes!

Sakai, That post really hit home with me, thats almost exactly my situation and its great to here someone who has actually gotten over it. I'm definitely glad im not alone in that act. One thing i never thought about was watching myself when i ate, being big makes things even more difficult to look at yourself while eating, and our bathroom door (attached to the kitchen) has a fullsize mirror on it, so I can now look at myself before diving head first into that half eaten German Chocolate cake, or oversized chocolate chip cookie. It definitely puts things into perspective to look at myself, eating the very thing that made me look the way i am.

and Altari, My biggest splurge is always chocolate...chocolate anything and everything...(peanut butter too...) Instead of eating a giant fudge brownie, i can eat a very small one, and savor everything it has to offer, like you said, its not that we're hungry, but that we just want chocolate in our belly..one way or another..lol
Usually when i eat things like that, especially while hiding, i eat them as fast as possible while still wanting more after wards. It makes much more sense to eat a small piece or bite, and just enjoying the taste bite by bite...Im definitely going to try that during the next late night chocolate craving.

my bf eats tons of ho ho ding dong devil dog funny bones, plus plain ole chocolate and has trouble sometimes keeping weight on. he keeps that stuff around the house, and except for the chocolate candy, I can stay away from it fairly well (I never had a big thing for those cake like snacks).

"I just cannot get swayed to change..."
the way you wrote this brought to my mind the idea that other people are trying to talk you into something and you're digging your heels in.

I know it's extremely tough to change a way of dealing using food, it's emotional, and physical, and an ingrained habit. Not only is it "giving it up," it's feeling like you have to adopt all kinds of new habits and ways of thinking and eating and behaving that are "like punishments."

I've felt a "giving in" side to this whole struggle. Like when my bf quite reasonably tells me I shouldn't eat some goodie because it goes against the cause (and he's not the food police at all, believe me; it usually comes out of me complaining that I can't stop eating X and so I'm not losing weight). The giving in part being my admitting that I have to agree (with him; with whoever; with the whole world) that I have to stop eating the way I'm eating and lose weight. I don't want to be a woman on a diet who has to monitor and deny herself.

I know in my mind, and in my heart, the much bigger self denial going on with that way of thinking is the better and healthier life I deny myself by not doing everything I can to reach my weight loss goal.

I don't know if you can relate to anything I've written. You might want to talk to your family, and ask for more of what you need, you might need to find support outside of your family, online or irl, and/or you might have to dig inside and find it within you ways to take care of yourself in a trickier eating environment (for now). maybe even just small changes, like a structured eating program, might make a big difference.

I have the same issue. When I was working I decided to start buying my own food from the store since my parents refused to buy healthier foods. I had to stash the non-refrigerated items in my room, and label my frozen foods with my name written largely in black permanent marker. My family wouldn't buy the stuff but would be the first ones to try to eat what I'd buy. I just recently quit my job in order to focus more on schoolwork so I am again forced to make due with what is lying around the house. I cannot wait until January when I get a full time job and actually have money to feed myself!

Oh goodness. As a former binger/purger. I understand this totally. One thing I do want to point out. I was massively addicted to sweets. They controlled my life---like some monster. Then in a last ditch attempt to lose weight-- I went vegan, and cut out refined foods, I ate only organic and the sweets I ate had like raw unprocessed sugar. After a while, donuts were nasty, brownies were too rich and cookies weren't appealing. Chocolate--except for dark--lost it's appeal as well. I lost from 169-135 in 5 months.

I think I was over run with yeast in my gut. I had also started taking lots of supplements including probiotics. This as well as cutting out lots of sugar--caused my body to rebalance. Yeast make you CRAVE sugar--because they need sugar to reproduce. No one really thinks of this, but if you see any manifestation of fungal infections--nails or skin--it means you have a more widespread problem in your gut.

it HELPS alot to make the yeast population die back down, cravings decrease. When you quit eating sugar products you quit having so many insulin-blood sugar spikes--your cravings for sugar die down and your body becomes more balanced.

I would probably start on some probiotics (in yogurt and cheeses naturally). You can pick them up anywhere..it's not going to hurt. You might notice a difference quickly too.

Two library books helped me to deal with junk food:
The End of Overeating by David Kessler
The Beck Diet Solution by Judith Beck

I stopped eating junk food cold turkey in August after reading the Kessler book -- although it helped that I had done that once before a couple of years ago. Apparently, sometimes I have to practice things before they take.