So, last night, I went to my parents' house for a nice dinner. As I am getting ready to leave, my mom is like "I don't want you losing any more weight. In fact, you need to put weight on. I don't like seeing you so thin. So... stop losing." And she gave me the "mean eye mom look".

Okay... now, I have explained before, when my mom was younger, she lost weight the wrong way- didn't eat enough, lost WAY too fast, and ended up making herself sick. Understandably, she's concerned about me doing the same thing.

But, I took 15 minutes trying to explain why I needed to keep losing (I am still quite flabby), and how, up until this point, I have lost weight the healthy way- controlled, calculated, and well within the "healthy weight loss" range that is suggested. I eat well, I exercise for an hour a day, 5 days a week. I am NOT starving myself or over training.

Then, MY HUSBAND, starts coming after me, in front of my family, telling me that I lied to him, and told him (untrue, btw) that I was done losing weight.

The only one to defend me was my sister, whom I was very grateful for. She knows as much as I do about losing weight and training, and she is working on losing weight herself. But she and I couldn't do anything to convince them. Eventually, the subject was dropped and we just went home. It was not a peaceful ride home with my hubby...

I don't get it. I am still in the high end of "normal" BMI. I have extra fat on my stomach, thighs, and butt. I am a size 6, and I am only 5'2". Thinner than I used to be... absolutely. However... I am still bigger than most girls my height.

Why am I held to different rules? If other girls, thinner than me, and my height, walked into my parents' house... my mom wouldn't think anything of it. But ME... I can't be THIN.

And what's up with my husband? He went from supportive to crucifying in 3.5 seconds, with no warning.

I just don't get it.

Gosh... That's awful. Evidently your husband has issues with your weight loss that he hasn't been discussing.

Probably you and he should sit down and talk about this. In particular, you need to let him know that it was definitely not cool for him to call you a liar in front of your family, and that if he has concerns about your weight loss, he should talk with YOU about them, IN PRIVATE, rather than freak out at your folks' house.

I actually had a friend say, "Don't lose too much weight." Well gosh, I weigh over 150 and I'm 5'3". I'm still overweight, for heavens sake. The interesting thing is that if she hadn't known me when I was obese, she wouldn't think anything about my weight etc. So it could be that your mother is just in reactive mode, given her history and yours. All I can suggest is that you speak with her kindly, acknowledge her concerns, reassure her that you are not being "struck anorexic," and then tell her that you do not want to hear any more comments from her about your weight--that it is an off-limits topic between the two of you from now on.

Eventually, as you maintain your loss, you will begin to look normal to them and they'll forget the topic.

Jay

Not knowing all the dynamics of your family, I just want to say sometimes people say things like that when they are genuinely concerned for your health...maybe not the best things to be said but with no intention of harm.

I hope you work this out with your husband and mom soon.

And I'm not sure that people "in general" understand the difference between losing weight and becoming "slimly fit". Does that make sense?

As a Mom, I too have been on the look out for unhealthy eating habits in my kids. Anorexia is so media driven these days, we can't help but have it cross our minds.

And as for your husband? BTW ... IMHO, he is the only one who needs to truly understand you. Make sure that you openly discuss what you are doing and why and how. You two are the family unit.
He may have had concerned thoughts just like your Mom and while he doesn't really doubt your wisdom or vision ... your Mom's voicing her opinion was probably just a chance to voice his worries. Chances are, he doesn't really worry much but he was given a chance to say something.

I once dipped down to a weight even I wasn't sure about. DH was the only one I spoke to about my concerns. Lots of other folks felt inclined to tell me what they thought but DH waited for me to ask him. Since he is the only person who truly knows my mind ... sees me exercise, chart weight graphs, prepare food and eat it, listens to me natter about what I'm doing, can feel the difference in my skin, fat, muscles etc ... he's the only one who knows enough about me to have a factual conversation with about my journey.
If he had been concerned, I would have sought professional help.

Wow ... that turned into a ramble!

LittleMoonRabbit, didn't you post a Goal thread the other day, saying that you had reached goal? (I apologize if I have confused you with someone else). Maybe the confusion on the part of your husband was that he thought you were at goal which, in his mind, made him think you were done losing? It does sound like he has concerns about you continuing to lose (but maybe they're not of the "she's getting too thin" variety).

As for family--I feel you on that one. I've already gotten a few comments from family members on how I'm too thin. Two of my sisters are fairly supportive. My mom is starting to make noise about me not losing more (but I am still overweight, still in size 14 pants, still 30 pounds more than her, etc). My best friend has told me I'm too thin (at 192 pounds?). So I understand how you're feeling, because it DOES feel like we are being held to a different standard. That people are almost INSISTING that we stay fat, just to satisfy their idea of how we should be.

So....my plan is to just tell them that I've stopped trying to lose. Sad but true. I don't want to have to justify what I eat to people who would rather I stay fat.

Hi guys,

I did sit down and have a discussion with my husband last night on the way home. He apologized for jumping on me like he did. I also reminded him about a recent discussion that we had, where I said that I was going to try to lose a little more weight. Apparently he misunderstood me, and thought that I was going to just work out and tone up, but not lose anymore. So, it was a mis-communication.

However, I found out that he does have issues with my weight loss. Apparently he doesn't like "skinny girls", and he is afraid if I get too thin, he won't be as attracted to me. While, in general, an answer like this might make sense... I have seen the other girls that he oggles, and they are thinner than I am... by quite a bit. So... I am having a hard time buying that excuse. I do feel like he is hiding something... I don't know if it's jealousy, or if he feels pressured to lose weight because I am losing weight, or what it is... but it weirds me out.

As for my mom... I know it is genuine concern. And I respect that, wholeheartedly. But, I think SusanB has a good point... people equate "losing weight" and "becoming thin and fit" as different things. I think part of the big issue here, is that I have just never been thin... ever. I was always over weight. Maybe a lot of people just have a hard time wrapping their minds around the fact that I am thinner than I have ever been, and the fact that I want to lose MORE weight is just too much for them to handle.

I wonder if he is afraid that when you get all buff and fit, you won't find him attractive any more.

If so, that's probably going to be a very difficult fear for him to articulate.

I hope you can sort it out with thoughtful talks and get him on board with what you want to do for yourself. Best of luck.

I don't understand why (if it does bother you) you would even discuss it with your mom, your hubby or whomever. My weight, my body. End of discussion. Try to remember that people in general, dislike change. Maybe you being pigeon-holed as a chubby chick is more comfortable for your mom and hubby than seeing you as a swan.

I second this. Inadequacy issues.
I've also never been thin in my life, and my boyfriend has been with me since my highest weight. He also says he likes curvy girls better - but he's dated girls of all sizes, so I got kinda confused.

Then he finally voiced his opinions to me about his inadequacy issues - he's going through financial hardships and has been forced to take time off of college, has gained quite a bit of weight since we met (he was super-thin when we started), and already thinks I'm the "better-looking" one - so he's got it in his head that I'm going to become thin, realize I can do better, and leave him. We had to have a long heart-to-heart about it and he understood. We all have our insecurities, but now when I mention my diet, he doesn't automatically think I'm doing it with a goal to leave him - now he's accepted that I need to do this for myself.

Still though, he doesn't want me to get too thin b/c he says he won't be as attracted to me. I think when men say that, while still oogling "thinner" women, they really mean it specifically to you. I originally was only attracted to thin guys, but he gained weight and even though he's still strong, he's more cuddly lol, so I kinda like it and I wouldn't want him to get back to where he was - but I still see thin guys that I consider attractive. It just depends, I think.

And I'm gonna go where no one has gone yet......Maybe your husband is afraid that other men will find you attractive and that is even more threatening.