When I was at my low weight, I was not thin. I was a size 12/14 on a six foot tall frame so I was curvy I guess, chubby to some. But the thing is, I've spent my entire life being really obese, morbidly obese even. When I got down into normal sizes, people started treating me really different. I was able to shop in just about any store. I was getting a lot of attention from men. I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. Some days I would look in the mirror and see a 300+ lb me. Other days I would see this girl that I couldn't connect myself with. I think that is a lot of the reason I stopped losing weight. I couldn't handle the weird feelings anymore. I'm ready now to try again, but I'm afraid to come back up against that wall. There has never been a time throughout this whole journey that I really was trying to lose weight and couldn't. I have stopped on purpose, so I know I can do this again but I'm just so scared of those crazy emotions. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Have any of you experienced this? Help!

I think this is sort of related but you may think it is really wierd. I've lost a lot of weight a couple times and the last time the one really strange thing that happened is that when I go up for communion at church, I can't figure out how much space I need at the altar rail. That never went away. There was still this sense that I was really wide even though I had lost 65 lbs and I'm sure people thought I was strange waiting until there was lots of room to kneel down. Unfortunately, I'm back to needing to a lot of space.

I can relate in a sense. When I had lost a bunch of weight right before my first pregnancy (I was around 150lbs and a size 8, some 6's), I was getting sooooooo much attention. A lot of the time, it made me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, I was afraid to go to the mall because men would stop me and I didn't know how to handle it. I felt like "you think I'm attractive?" Almost like I still saw the fat girl in me sometimes. I didn't know how to be confident around the attention. It was weird. I never knew I could get attention from the kind of men that I thought was WAAAY out of my range....it made me scared. I don't know why...but it did. Needless to say, I did gain all my weight back and then some (had gone from 201 to 154 to 247 my highest). This time around, I'm not sure how different it will be as far as how I handle the attention, but I do know that I will NOT let the crazy emotions harm my hard work. I've worked TOO hard and this time this hard work will pay off for years and years to come.

Yep, been there done that! For me, it bred some bitterness because I was getting extra attention from men I knew who'd ignored me when I was fat. All of a sudden, they thought I was funny and interesting. And now that I'm fat again I'm no longer interesting to them. Goes to show how superficial people can be.

One thing I'm doing differently now is journaling. I'm writing down exactly how tired I am and how I feel when I binge or go off plan unexpectedly. I want those feelings to be there in my face the next time I start thinking that it's "okay" to be fat. Someday I can look back over the way I felt when I was fat and realize that whatever battle I'm fighting - it can't be as bad as wondering how much fatter my double chin has to get before I really can't breathe anymore. Or the battle to stop sucking wind after climbing the stairs to tuck in my daughter for the night. And so on...In short, life is a constant battle but I'd rather battle silly men giving me attention than the prospect of an impending heart attack.

do you know what you might want to do about it? to anticipate that coming up for you again? I think that was more an issue for me when I was younger and single. Now I'm older and in a relationship I've been in for a while.