Even though I'm so close to my goal and am thrilled to have lost all that weight. I dread my mom's visit next week from out of state. The last time she saw me was right before I decided to lose this weight.
When I gained all this weight, all I heard for years was "You had such a good body" and "Its so sad, everyone would've killed to have your body, how could you throw it all away?" There was a time (2005) that I got down to 140 and she still refused to see my efforts or acknowledge that I was close to my ideal weight. So that's why I'm dreading her visit. Everyone including my husband think that she will be shocked and excited but I know my mom, I know how she acted then when I lost all this weight. She won't be happy because I'm not where I was before.
Even my dad (who also lives out of state) had the same reaction when I told him over the phone the other day. He was happy at first then when I told him I still had 13 lbs to go, his voice changed and all he said was "Oh" then he changed the subject.
All that matters is: I'm doing this for me and no one else. I just wish my weight didn't play such a role in my relationships with my family. It frustrates me that my dad would have the same attitude when his wife is obese, you'd think he would have a different attitude. My mom on the other hand is thin...always has been. My whole life, all she thought about was my looks. So my weight gain was obviously a huge let down. She acts excited when I tell her how much weight I've lost but in the end she won't be happy till I lose it all.
I hope the time goes by fast.

Stay strong, don't let your Mom's comments get you down. You have done great and I am sure you will make your goal. Don't let anyone deter you.

hmmm. i know i don't have any sisters or brothers...but your mom sounds a whole lot like mine. except mine is obese, not thin, which makes her comments even more ironic.

just try to tune her out. smile and nod. i've tried everything else with my mother, this is the only thing that works for me. i've tried telling her she isn't allowed to discuss my body or the way i look. she isn't hearing it. or doesn't care.

so. in one ear, out the other, and just keep going. and maybe a little bit of this when she has her back to you.

my first thought on reading this was if you printed it up and let her read it, and she saw: I hope the time goes by fast.

it might just change her mind about her whole attitude towards her daughter.

either way, it's her issue (that you have to deal with, unfortunately). big congrats on doing such a phenomenal job with your weight loss!!

Thank you. I have tried to confront her on many issues. If I was to tell her how I felt about the way she was treating me she would go one of 2 directions.
a) Deny the whole thing, saying it was all in my head or that I misread her well intentions.
b) she would give herself pats on the back, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have lost all the weight. so her put-downs are what helped me along...so I should thank her. blah, blah, blah

She did give herself a pat on the back when I told her that I went from the Low Cal diet to the Atkins because I was consuming way too many carbs. She told me that it was her idea not mine, because she mentioned one day that there was no way I could lose weight eating oatmeal and toast for breakfast everyday. Even though I told her repeatedly (still do) that I lost 18 lbs on the Low Cal diet. So in her mind she always wins.
Its why I'm so grateful that we moved away from her in the first place.

yep, family can be one tough piece of beef jerky to deal with. I moved away from my family in Calif to NYC, partly bec I found it tough dealing with them. If it's any consolation, now that I'm older and they're older, it's a lot more pleasant, and we're all more laid back.

LOL yeah, I moved from So Cal to TX to get away from them. I guess that's something to look forward to.

that's exactly what my mom does! she will even try to make me feel guilty for suggesting such a thing as her talking smack about me.

i have long since stopped trying to understand it. i've had 2 eating disorders and now i'm overweight. clearly her words of wisdom have gone a looooong way and taught me a lot.


well, you're doing a great job. keep it up. know you aren't alone, and don't let her (or anyone) get you down.

This is EXACTLY my mom - when I recall things she's done or said, she gets upset and says she can't understand where I come up with this stuff. On one occasion, she was horrified and said, 'Oh, my god, Joanna, stop - I would NEVER say something like that'.

It makes you doubt yourself, and second guess yourself.

Don't let it - you're strong - if you can lose all that weight, you can handle a few days with your mom. Hang in there!!!!

I can relate. My mom isn't mean about my weight, but she isn't exactly supportive. When I gain weight, she constantly asks me if I am "staying on my diet." Yet when I try to diet and lose weight, she bakes cookies when I am here and complains that I should "live a little" while I am visiting, ie, cheat on my diet.

She really has her own issues. She is about 5'0" and I would guess she weighs at least 180. She is diabetic, yet thinks that danishes makes a good breakfast, and she is constantly buying pies, cupcakes and ice cream.

I know that is difficult, but sometimes you just gotta tune people out and keep on keeping on.

I kind of get where you are coming from. Like you, I have a family member that only expresses love and acceptance for me since I have lost the weight. Before, she treated me as if I were trash or something. Arrgh. Family. Luckily, she doesn't live close!

Hey OP--wanted to also mention to you. DO not, DO NOT discuss your weightloss efforts with her. Given your story above, you aren't likely to benefit from any discussion even if she DOES notice and say something. Shut her down as quickly as you can if she mentions it.

I'm so sorry you're parents aren't very supportive. Know that you have done an AMAZING job - and no one can take that success away from you! Stay strong.