Hey there, just joined today, wanting to get back on the wagon and finally make something happen in my ever present struggle with my weight. I, like many of you I'm sure, have dealt with weight my whole life. I remember being 7 years old and taken to a nutritionist because my mom thought I was fat. Of course now looking back over all these years I have hated my body and always thinking I was the elephant in the room, I was at a very healthy weight most of the time. It was my family's perception of me that made me feel bad about myself. And now here I sit, 29 years old, 310 pounds and totally miserable. My health is suffering, I have been diagnosed as having PCOS and insulin resistance, I have high cholesterol, I have been very inactive for awhile now due to my severe depression over all of this and because of that I am having such extreme back pain when I do try to do anything that it makes it feel impossible.
I hate going to doctor's appts. because I fear the scale and the judgment you can always see on the nurses face when she writes that number on your chart. I want to change the way things are going in my life so badly, but can not seem to find any motivation to actually make it happen. I have been out of work for about a year and a half now and in that time have gained about 80 pounds because I sit on my couch all day. My husband is a firefighter so I am home alone for 3 to 4 days a week. We moved to the high desert area of southern california to get him closer to work in Jan. and I don't know a soul here. So I am lonely, depressed, and just getting bigger by the day. I don't know how to start, I don't know what to do to find that reason to finally get me off my *** and doing something about my problems. I feel bad because I never even want to leave the house anymore and I know it puts a lot of strain on my relationship. I just feel uncomfortable in my skin and going out into public when I have one outfit that fits and I get tired and sweaty and my back locks up...it's just embarrassing. I know he doesn't understand and I just get angry at him even though it's not his problem. I feel like I have been in self-destruct mode for way too long. I can't even take my dogs on walks anymore because of the pain in my back. We have a park we take them too sometimes that is maybe 2 blocks from our house and by the time we get that far I am dripping in sweat and feel like I can't breathe because of the pain. How do I even get going at this point?

First, welcome! Second, take a deep breath. You don't have to do everything all at once. Honestly, I have lost most of what I've lost in a short period of time with little exercise. It's time for me to get that part of program going, but it was all I could do to focus on eating well at first. So why not start there? Work on your food. With PCOS and insulin resistance, many women are most successful when they avoid carbs other than those from veggies and whole grains. Calorie counting is the easiest and cheapest program around. Pick a calorie count (I started with 1800). Buy an inexpensive food scale to make sure you aren't over or underestimating amounts. Then pick some healthy foods you like and go for it. Lean meats, lots of veggies, fruit, and some healthy fats like in nuts, olive oil, avocados, salmon, etc. and you're on your way.

I have also struggled with depression and it's a vicious circle. You feel depressed, so you eat, then you gain weight, and the depression worsens. Have you considered talking to someone? Therapy and possibly anti-depressants can make such a difference.

What about finding a local Overeaters Anonymous (OA) or Taking Off Pounds Sensibly (TOPS) meeting? You might be able to meet some people and get help and support with the weight loss too. Also, since you have time to spare, think about volunteering somewhere in your town. Helping others can do a lot to help you feel better about yourself - something sitting on the couch won't do (trust me, I know!!!). And the bonus is it keeps you away from the fridge.

Once you start to feel some strength from getting a handle on the food and depression, then you can work in some exercise like walking. But don't beat yourself up if you don't feel up to it to start with. You can be successful to begin with without it.

I've been where you are now. And it can get so much better. You just need to have a little faith in yourself and take the reins of your life back. You can do it!!!

Hi SoCalFireWife,

I don't really belong in this particular forum and hope it's okay for me to reply to you here....but I felt so bad when I read your post and I'm new too, just joined a few days ago.....so wanted to also welcome you.

First off, let me say that message boards/forums can be an amazing way to connect with people from all different locales and can provide friendship and support when a person, for one reason or another, has a lack of that in real life. I care for my elderly father and it is therefore very difficult for me to get out of the house to do anything just for me....and rely on the internet quite a bit for my social connections and interactions.

I've been on another message board (totally not weight/diet related...a totally different topic r/t another challenge I've had to deal with) and have made some amazing friends there and got tons of support and I feel my life has been so enhanced compared to what it would have been without my internet friends and support.

So just by joining here....you are potentially creating an avenue whereby you will be able to get the social interactions and the personal support you are missing in your life at the current time, due to having moved. So...that's a great first step!

What sort of diet are you interested in? There are different forums here for different kinds of diets. I'm on Atkins....it's the one diet that works great for me. There are many, many members here who have had amazing success while on a whole variety of different diets and weight loss plans.

Are you seeing a doctor for the back pain or had any tests...MRI, etc...for this? Is there a specific problem causing this....herniated disc, etc...or do they think it's strictly related to your weight and inactivity? If so, perhaps you could lose some percentage of your weight....reach some mini-goal...and THEN, add in exercise...but very gradually and to your tolerance.

Exercise, of course, is helpful for ANY weight-loss plan....but if it is causing you severe pain....then you may need to improvise and develop one that will work for you. Maybe start very small....just a walk up the street a short distance....or else lose a portion of the weight first...before adding in very conservative exercise.

Anyway....just wanted to welcome you and tell you that you've made a great first step by joining here. Think positive. A little over 5 months ago, I was in total despair....could not get diets to work and thought I must be having massive metabolism problems and I'd have to live at 195 lbs. forever. But determined....I refused to give up and with the aid of all the information here, I figured out what the problem was and am half-way to goal. It CAN be done and you CAN do it. Just make up your mind that you WILL figure out a way to do this...no matter what. You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel just by seeing a tiny step forward. I'll never forget how fantastic I felt when I finally got those ketone sticks to turn color.....and I'd not even lost anything yet. But for me.....I was ecstatic...because that meant I was on my way!

In regards to many of the points you mention, I have been where you are for many years. In fact, I was exactly where you are on the back pain and not wanting to leave the house front for well over a decade up until 4 months ago. I live in Japan, and the natives aren't the least bit shy about gawking, pointing, laughing, mocking, etc. the fat foreign person (or any foreign person, but a fat one is a bigger joke to them) and I never left my apartment unless I absolutely had to. The oppressive feeling I had when going out coupled with crippling back pain kept me housebound for years.

About 4 months ago, I decided I had to make a change and the first step in that process was to go out there and do whatever I had to do to fix my back and exercise. Step one was to decide that I wasn't going to care what people did when they saw me. I had to build up some emotional teflon and just do it. The part that made this harder was the back pain which required me to sit down every 3 minutes or so and rest. It's bad enough walking and being an object of ridicule, but sitting down and providing a stationary point of interest was far worse.

I decided that I wasn't going to care, even though I still cared, and went out and started trying. At first, I walked for only about 5 minutes and was in agony during the latter part of it. I had to sit down every few minutes. It was indescribably hard emotionally and physically. Everyday, I made myself go do it even though it was humiating and painful. Now, I have lost about 40 lbs. (through both diet and exercise) and can walk for about 30 minutes while only briefly sitting down once. I'm not there yet, but I'm so much further along than I was before.

I don't know if you can do what I did, but I just wanted to let you know that it is possible to get better. One point I will stress though is not to endure the pain anymore than you have to. If you hurt, sit and let it pass. Get back up when you feel better and sit back down when the hurt gets bad again. I had to pick my paths very, very carefully such that I was sure of a place to sit. This is much harder in Japan than it likely is back in the U.S. where there are large parks with benches that you can sit at. You also have the benefit of your dog as a companion.

By the way, I also know about the part where you are gasping because of the pain. People who have never had that sort of pain can't begin to understand that it can sap your energy that you're actually breathless dealing with it. It's also exhausting and can kill your motivation. That's probably why you're having so much trouble getting started. The pain is stealing your wherewithal. You have to try and wrestle it back. Good luck.

First WELCOME! I Hope to see you around, especially in our weekly thread.

Secondly, when I was 340+ pounds I remember my back was horrible. I would huff and puff, heck I still do a bit, and I would throw my back out. When I was ready to start working on my weight, I remember the pain in my upper back was INCREDIBLE and I have a high tolerance for pain. My muscles were so weak and it hurt. I kept on as I read the only way to help myself was to get those muscles strong, so little by little I did get better. Now I'm around 265 pounds and feeling stronger than ever. Yeah I still have a lot of work to do, a lot of strength to mold into, but now I'm doing kickboxing DVDs and aerobics...some walking...trying to get my exercise mojo going lol. I'm not even good at it, but I get an A for effort I think over the past few weeks.

Right now making those changes to your diet and getting yourself moving is key, but you don't need to overdo it right now. Getting that diet going, making sure you're feeding yourself healthy foods for you is key right now. I totally understand how you feel about being lonely and depressed. I feel that way too sometimes still. Sometimes I do still cry about it, but I am glad I'm on this journey. See my weight issues stem from some other place, not just because I ate cakes and pies (i don't even like cakes and pies actually). So, my journey is about life, about loving myself, about learning how to TRUST in love and gaining back my independence. I'm totally not there yet, but where I am now and where I was??? Two different places...two different people.

I'm more confident, I'm more fit (still a biggie lol) and hey I make myself go out walking even though my face is all red and I huff and puff sometimes. I still get embarrassed and still need to work on a gaggle of things, but I'm taking those steps little by little. Sometimes I do jump in, other times I focus on one particular step at a time. My point is that YOU CAN do this, you can start, you can make a change.

So, what is it that you would like to start with? To me, and again this is my own personal opinion, starting with what you eat, feeding yourself, fueling up that energy is a good idea for a first step. What are you eating? What is your diet like? Are you wanting to count calories? Do you need something more like Weight Watchers? etc...

I started out counting calories, now I don't as that doesn't work for me. I can't live my life as a dieter, I need to be free, so now I'm learning how to balance what I eat and what I do as activity, which is a struggle for me personally.

*HUGS HUGS HUGS* Welcome and I hope to see you around the forums.

Welcome SoCalFireWife!
The good news is you don't have to change everything all at once. Just take small steps, take it one day at a time. Beginning can seem daunting, but you have the power to do it! Just make simple changes, take tiny baby steps and you will make it. Things like cutting out sodas, maybe walk for 5 minutes or so, any little thing is a step in the right direction, before you know it you will feel better. I can only speak for myself, but I feel so much better when I know I am doing things that are good for me.

For your reason... Do it for yourself, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to feel good, feel great every day! You are able to do it and you are worth it.

I wish you luck and hope you make use of 3FC, there is great support here!

Hello SoCalFireWife! Everyone has said all of the things I would say as well. One step at a time is all it takes... It's worth it. This is a fantastic resource for support and info, encouragement... you name it.

Andrea

Dear Sweetie,

I read your post and it is similar of what I had been through years ago..depression, cooped indoors,etc. You need medical and mental care treatments to help you and also a day program, face to face groups of people that deals of what your issues are. There are help and caring people out there.

I am 42, single, no kids, always heavy and dealt with depression and obesity since I was a teenager. I had been tested for PCOS, have facial hair side effects and am planning to get treated for that.

I wish you much luck and good health to you...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like how I felt most days up until recently. I think you might find that just getting it off your chest and STARTING to do something will make you feel better.

First of all I didn't see anyone mention this, but I recommend seeing a chiropractor about your back. Yes, I know, it's probably caused by your weight (I had the same problem, and so did my husband), but that doesn't mean a Chiropractor can't help. I got help with my back and that made it easier for me to actually get up and move. My husband hurt his back when he was young in a sledding mishap and he refused to go to the Chiro for it for a long time, even after I got my back fixed, because he was scared the doctor was going to just tell him to lose weight.

It got to the the point where he could not even go grocery shopping with me because he couldn't walk for 15 minutes without excruciating pain. The Chiropractor did tell him that he needed to get the weight off to help with his back, but he also helped him to the point that he could walk again! So please please don't ignore that pain and just assume that there's nothing you can do about it until you lose weight.

As for motivation, I never found more of it until I found some accountability. I suggest, if you can afford it, that you join Weight Watchers. It will help you in so many of the problems you mentioned. Not only will you get some motivation and accountability, but you will meet people. And not just any people...people who won't judge you or laugh at you. People who can empathize with what you are going through. Sitting in a room full of people who know what I'm going through has been a form of therapy for me. So I feel like I'm getting a bargain. Motivation, tools, and support...all for the price of one.

No one should have to go what you are going through, but so many of us do. Please remember that you are NOT alone.

Hey, thanks everyone for your kind words, it really means a lot to me just knowing that I am not alone and that there are many others who have been sitting right where I am at right now. I think I am just at the point that I have finally had enough and am ready to make something happen. As for the suggestions of weight watchers and things like that...I have tried WW, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem...you name it I have tried it at one point or another..I am not into it. I know that having accountability is a big factor in it but when it comes down to it I am just not into the weekly weigh-ins and having someone congratulate me for loosing a half a pound...it's just more demeaning to me personally. I know it works for a lot of people, my sister has been with WW for like 3 years now, it's just not for me and I know I won't stick with it. For me I know I need to cut out refined carbs and sugars and get back to the point I can move again. My body responds well to it, and I know that, it's just doing it. So I am going to pick myself up, stop feeling sorry for myself and trying to get things back that I have lost over the past 2 years and just make this a fresh start. Yes it sucks that I lost my job, and my home, and sold my car..but those things shouldn't define who I am and I let them define me for too long. I guess I need to remember that I have a wonderful man by my side who has helped me through all of that and always gave me a soft place to land. I need to figure out who I am again, and that's scary...but I'm ready.

Sounds very brave of you! I will say a prayer for you that you will be able to find what works for you and find the motivation to keep at it!