i've been thinking about this thread this whole day. i can totally relate. the first time i realized my fat was my shield was sitting in a chair opposite my therapist i just met that very day. she said: 'there are quite a few problems i see here, we will work on it (...) and you WILL lose your weight.'
there i was, holding strongly with my both hands to the chair, facing the solution to my life-long problem and suddenly, instead of hope and relief, 'cause i came hoping i would get help and stop being depressed and fat, i felt absolute, deep fear. how in the world will i live without my shield, what will i use to scare people off?!
as i later learned (i went to see the therapist for a few months), i used my big body to make people judge me by my looks so i wouldn't have to let them in and have them see how terribly imperfect i was as a person. i also feel (i wish i could say 'i felt') inadequate, not able to bare what real life brings, unable to deal with the risks of love, losses, critics... so it is much easier to be huge and scare people away then to take all those risks.
so, yes, dear better health, i can relate and you are not alone in this fear.
here is how i deal with it:
first of all, i waited for the right time to start losing weight and decided to do it as slowly as i could. i lost some 70 lbs ten years ago rather fast and i felt lost, 'out there' for everything and scared. (got it all back, of course, i needed my shield back.) this time, i'll do it slowly, give myself time and keep my faith - i don't have to be perfect, i do have flaws and some people will like me, some won't, that is ok. i do need to be healthy and i too deserve a chance to be happier in my life just like everyone else. i literally keep telling myself: it's ok. scared, hungry, stressed: it's ok, i can deal with it. and i can. sometimes it takes me a week to lose a pound - it's ok, it gives me time to adjust. and i will adjust. cause i need to be able to walk in my fifties more then i need my shield (i agree with rockinrobin
).
it's hard, it's scary, but you can take it! it's all for - better health.