My heart goes out to you and all the others that have shared about their wonderful friends..
I had to say goodbye to two kitties, two brothers.. One of 'my boys' had a terrible cancer (sarcoma )and his brother who outlived him by 3 years had been oxygen deprived after a severe asthma attack and became dangerously aggressive towards me... It was one of the hardest times of my life coming to the decisions I made, the kitty with cancer was not easy, but seemed to make more sense because he was in pain. The decision about his brother weighs heavy on my heart, it was just last year, and because he 'seemed' fine, but unprovoked would corner me, attack me and draw blood, and then be loving and 'normal' for a time. The episodes grew closer together, he was diagnosed with probable apnea and the vet felt it was unsafe for me, or an adoptive family to keep him... I'm crying now thinking about them...
I have to look at it this way; I was a great mom, they had all of my love, and each other for a time, they had the best food, best toys, lots of play time, kind words, my lap whenever they wanted it, attention when ever they could get it, big windows to look out and breath in fresh air, a bed in every room, clean litter boxes, clean bowls, midnight treats. They had a great life and they made my life better.. we had lots of fun...
They also had a mom who cared and loved them so much she made the best decision for 'them'. If only they could speak, I know they would thank us for keeping their transition comfortable and painless as possible ... know you are not alone... look at all of us cryin...
On the other hand, my kitties were a couple of nuts who swung from my drapes when they were kittens play tarzan in the floor plants in my living room... and then fall asleep on top of each other.... grew up to be 12 and 18pounds... yup, they were nuts !!
May you find peace