Im really worried about my mother. She is very unhealthy and stressed to the max. Today I was checking my blood pressure and decided to try and check my mothers. She fought me for 15 min to take it and I was finally able to take it when the machine told me it was 210 over something. 210??!!!! My mother hasn't been to see a doctor in YEARS and it worries me. She didn't even have much to say to the number just to not tell my father because hes been yelling at her to make a doctor appointment for months. She refuses to go see a doctor because of her weight but she also refuses to do anything about it. She has been telling me she wants to start walking but when I offer to go walking with her she finds some excuse. Me and my sister try to make healthy meals for everyone as much as possible but it doesn't always work. Im also really worried about my little brother who is only 12 and is overweight. My mom allows him to basically eat 10 servings of whatever he wants and the moment I say anything im just "Being mean." Cancer and heart attacks scare the **** out of me. What can I do? how do I help them?

this is quite tough. You could talk to your brother about making healthy choices, see if he wants to play sports with you on the weekend, encourage him to do exercise and join school teams etc, but at the same time you dont want to turn into the nagging evil sister that never lets him eat or do what he wants. Your mother's health is her responsibility, you can encourage her but you cant make her do anything about it I know its scary, but maybe given time she will come around. Maybe she is scared herself about whatever permanent damage she may or may not have done, or what the doctor will say to her when she goes. She might even be embarassed to go, I was for ages. On the positive side, her blood pressure reading may have been higher than it should because she just fought you to have it taken

Scratch that, tell ur father. U are not doing it to be evil but to be helpful. I am not the busy body, nosy type and tend to never get in any ones business but this is the same thing as u knowing she is going to murder someone(herself) and not doing anything about it. We found out in March '09 that my hubby's cholesterol was an astounishing....450(not a typo). I told him "that's it, welcoe to my side. U will not die on my watch!" He went back to the doctor at the end of July and they are down to 180 already. The doctor said "wow, since the pills are working so well we should up the dose to get it on down" at which my hubby replied "We got the script filled but I haven't even taken one". I can honestly state I cared nothing about his weight loss only health but he did go from 257 to 224.

Wow! I'm sort of in the same boat but for me it's my grandfather and two aunts. My family is very close. I live at home with my parents and my mom's two sisters live in the apartment above ours. The rest of the family lives within a mile or two of us.

The fat gene must run in both sides of my family because I have only one skinny uncle on both sides of the family. The rest of the family (with the exception of a few stray cousins) are either overweight or obese. We often joke that we could make up the entire cast of a biggest loser season. I'm blessed with a good heart but my grandfather has had one heart attack and numerous stents and diabetes, both my parents have high cholestrol and there are a handful of family members with high blood pressure as well.

A month ago my grandfather was told he'd soon need a pacemaker and that scared me half to death. Along with my sisters, I created a diet and exercise plan and turned it into a contest of sorts to keep as many people interested in it as possible. I sent out emails to most of the family and to my surprise everyone decided to participate. I was really glad to finally get them to agree to diet. Now a month later I'm fighting daily with them. They refuse to stop eating massive portions, to stop eating out and to exercise at all. I find myself becoming really harsh (as a stubborn gemini, I like to get my way) but I wish they could see that I'm just so scared to lose them.

Sometimes I wish my family wasn't so close because then I probably wouldn't care. Most nights I go to bed wondering if we are all going to wake up the next morning.

I have tried talking with my brother even gone as far as bringing him with me to walk/bike ride to making swimming races in the pool. but he doesn't want to do the work. Its terrible to say but my family is extremely lazy. All I ever seem to be is the evil sister even when I try my hardest to be gentle about the subject yet no one wants to hear it. I have tried all that I know to do yet not one will listen to me. I know im not an expert on health because I was once them but I just don't know what to do anymore.

Like Ghost said, unfortunately you cannot MAKE someone take action if they don't want to. Keep inviting your mum & brother on walks, maybe organise a weekly family outing to the park to play cricket or go hiking or something similar. If they don't want to go, go by yourself and use that time to exercise.

My mother was too embarrassed to do anything about her weight until I joined weight watchers and started losing. She decided if I could do it, so could she. We're doing it together and she has had amazing results.

Just keep showing her that you care and that you are willing to do things with her if she decides to take better care of herself.

This may be terrible, but did you ever think about having some sort of intervention and inviting the doctor? Cancer and heart attacks are very REAL issues and its hard to sit idly by while watching your family members kill themselves (in a way).

Maybe if you scare her into realizing what she's doing to herself AND you're brother, she will want to change to live longer and healthier, etc.

I'm a health care provider, and I can assure you that someone walking around with any of the BP numbers at 220 is at serious and immediate danger of having a stroke.

As an obese person myself, it breaks my heart that people are afraid to go to the doctor because they are obese.

There is a very pervasive belief out there that when obese people have health problems, those problems are their own fault.

So, instead of going to get the health care they need, they are afraid of getting yelled at for causing their own problems. Then, the more they procrastinate, the more they feel ashamed and think the doctor will ask why they didn't come sooner.

Add that to a genuine anxiety about there being something really wrong, and an embarrassment in front of family members because they knew they are doing the wrong thing, and it becomes easier just to live in denial and try not to think about it too much.

Here's what I would advise.

Print up some information for your mom that explains why hypertension is referred to as "the silent killer" and explain that since you checked her BP you have been concerned. Believe me, when she thinks about what it would like to be a mom and unable to speak or be partially paralyzed due to a stroke, it will certainly give her pause. Sure, it would help if she lost weight and got in shape, but hypertension is treatable with medicine, and she probably needs to be on it.

Second, do you have a health care provider whom you like and trust? You can offer to go with your mom. If your mom is morbidly obese, call the office ahead of time and ask about issues like plus size gowns and public weigh-ins. Offices with a sensitivity to these issues are a better bet.

Third, you might want to consider finding a nurse practitioner to see her. NPs often have a more user-friendly approach than MDs and some people find them less intimidating to talk to. They are usually very strong in health promotion and wellness and are often willing to spend a little extra time talking to you. If you don't know where to start-- trying calling your local hospital's weight management/nutrition department and asking them which doctors they think are sensitive and helpful with weight-related issues.

Fourth, remember that you can only be in charge of your own health, and hard as it is, if your mom doesn't want to take care of herself she won't. If you do all of the above and none of it helps, then you will have to live with that fact.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Your mother sounds like my mother. Refused to go to the doctor because she'd be told what was wrong. When her blood pressure rose and she started having severe headaches, she said nothing was wrong. Only problem was that we believed her and let it go.

I like the idea ubergirl put out...offer to go WITH your mom to the doctor. DO NOT just let it go. I know you can't be the guardian of her health as well as yours, but you also DO NOT want to live with the guilt of "What if I'd tried?" if/when her health causes damage or death. That's what I deal with every day and it's been six years since my mom's passing.

You can't make her take care of herself....but you can encourage her to do it without nagging and yelling. Do some research and then sit with her and talk to her calmly about how much she means to you and how you want her to stay around for you a long, long time. Maybe you'll get through....

And just to add...my mom's blood pressure was so high she began having "mini strokes" every so often. Those were her "headaches." So if your mom starts having severe headaches or talking incoherently, call someone ASAP. If we'd done it the first time we noticed this happening, she might've gotten help before it was too late. With her blood pressure so high, make sure you know the signs of a stroke and are prepared if something happens.

I think ubergirl has the right idea here.

you can't make your mother or brother do anything about eating what they want, and working out. But you can show them the cold hard facts.

just tell you mother this is no different then have an alcohol problem or drug issues. It can kill you over time.

I think until she wants to help herself, then I hate to say it hun, but that's about all you can do for her. and I think once your mother starts making lifestyle changes, then your brother will follow.

I have pretty much tried everything. We were watching Dr. Oz together and the issue about BP came up which is when I got the idea to check hers since my dad who is very strict with going to the doctor getting flu shots getting tested for this that and the other owns a BP machine. My mother listened to him say what high BP can do to a person and she may have been worried but she still has the attitude that nothing can happen to her because shes not THAT bad. I have told her in every way possible she wont even make the Dr appointment. My mother is not by any means morbidly obese but she is very much overweight. I have tried everything I know to do besides dragging her there myself. The problem is just getting her to go at all the thought of me going with her doesn't push her to go.

I'm sorry but I reaally disagree with this. It won't solve any problems to just get a prescription, treating the symptom, not the problem. Hypertension is treatable with lifestyle changes (of course not in all cases..).

I can't help but feel your mom may be depressed? Might be why she is not even making an effort to help her situation. Just a thought.

I'm don't have a medical background so I can't speak to this issue per se, but speaking of lifestyle changes, if it's the weight that's daunting her, you might check out a resource like Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon. There are things your mom can do for her health that don't pivot on weight loss, and she might get into healthy lifestyle changes if she focuses on improvements in her blood pressure rather than weight.

Unfortunately, some people take away the message from HAES that they are fine the way they are and don't need to do anything to improve their health, and some people may be, but for others (sounds like your mom) there really are underlying behavioral issues that need to be addressed, that may or may not result in weight loss.

So, if it's the pressure about her weight that's holding her back from getting help, maybe you can show her that there are other things she can do besides weight loss to improve her quality of life, and focus on goals like eating 5 servings of veggies/day, walking for 20 minutes every day, and lowering her bp through those kinds of healthy behaviors plus medication, if it's warranted.