I bought a scale today. I've never owned one before, and to be honest, it totally scares me.

I've always been a big girl, and to me, scales were always a type of judgement. I didn't want to be judged by friends, and I didn't wanted to be judged by myself, so I've successfully avoided them. And despite my dress size, I've managed to believe that I am both pretty and meaningful.

I've been going at this healthy living for about a month now, and I'm having a hard time reminding myself that the number I now know is just a tool on my path to being healthy. That that number, no matter how high it is, doesn't make me ugly or worthless or any less of a person than I was before I knew it.

I weigh 289.1 pounds. Next week, it will be less.

Just remind yourself that you are no different of a person than before u got on that evil thing and know that it will be the last time u see the 289.1!!! Good luck with everything u want to accomplish!!

But, but...you've ALWAYS been pretty and meaningful despite your weight! Are you going to become a jerk once you lose 10 lbs? 40 lbs? I think the number on the scale is a good tool (like you said) to use during the weight loss journey, but it shouldn't define who you are as a person.

I used to think that as an overweight woman, I wasn't as attractive as the slim women around me, that I was worth less than they were because I was too fat. I somehow (don't ask me how!) realized that confidence was what drew people to someone, man or woman. When I meet someone who is confident, I want to be their friend and get to know them. As lame as it sounds, give yourself a hug and treat your weight as the number it is, nothing else.

Good luck!!

Til I joined this site I never told anyone my weight. Not even my mother new. I was afraid to tell anyone because I thought they would judge me. Now i have it in the open and I'm not scared to tell anyone anymore. I started at 289 right where you are. So good luck on your journey and we are all here for support.
Hugz~Jamie

Hey you ARE pretty and meaningful!

Good for you for deciding to lose weight- I know you can do it!

emily, wanna hear something completely stupid! I didn't go to the doctor for almost 5 years---for anything---I battled infections, stomach virus, and didn't have normal routine visits because of ONE thing. I didn't want to get on the scale at the office!

I applaud you getting that scale. I applaud you getting ON that scale. Yep, I get feelings about people when I am blogging with them. I know by the tone of your post--and what you wrote--that you are going to succeed.

i SO understand. weighing myself for the first time before starting my journey was terrifying. its like the other girls said though, it doesnt make you any different, you just know your weight now, so you cant deny it any more.

for me, that first weigh in was a huge motivator. i also told anyone my starting weight except on this site. it was amazing to see women who didnt judge, or get some satisfaction out of knowing how heavy i was. i recently told my mom what my starting weight had been and she said, "OH MY GOD! no way julia, i had no idea you got that big!"..... thanks mom. ugh.

Yeah I don't think I'll ever tell anyone outside of lyc my starting weight. I just don't want to deal with that "omg you were THAT big!" comments...

I like your attitude about losing weight, you seem very motivated. I try not to get too hung up on what the scale says. I try to concentrate more on how I feel and the changes happening to my style of eating. I have lost a little over 20 pounds and it is nice to see that on the scale but what is nicer is that my clothes are fitting better, I have more energy, I have rediscovered my love of fresh fruit and my health problems are becoming easier to manage.

Congrats on taking the first step and actually getting on the scale. I hated getting on the scale...always had one and would literally cringe everytime I weighed myself. After I started working out (I'm on Jillian Michaels online program) I realized that I shouldn't be ashamed of the weight on the scale. My mom and my sister know how much I weigh now and how much I weighed before starting. But I think it's great that I tell my mom I weigh 162 pounds and she says there's no way you still weigh that much. For me the scale is just a way to track my weight loss but I can feel the difference in my clothes and that's enough for me Good luck!

Sheila

Thank you all so much for the encouraging words. It's been a **** of a day, in more ways than one, and it's so nice to know there are people here who are kind and supportive.

I don't think I'll ever share my starting number outside of 3FC, but I know the tool of knowing it is something I need as I figure out this whole lifestyle change.

Owning a scale can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be tricky. At times, I can end up weighing myself over six or seven times a day - you have to realize that there's a certain time to weigh yourself. In the morning!!! At the end of the day I am swollen from work, and I can weigh almost four pounds more (according to the scale) than I did that morning.

BTW, I am glad to see another new person, I don't feel so awkward.

congrats on your decision, i'm sure you'll have a huge success!

as for the scale part, if it wasn't for me getting sick and hopping on the scale at the doctor's office, i would still be sad, depressed, low-energy girl i used to be 5 months and 52lb ago. you see, i found out i was 200.4lb and it made me SO SCARED and disappointed and sick with myself. so the same very day, the 20th of april of 2009 i committed to losing weight. i almost fell of the wagon in may, but then i re-committed in june and i've lost 50lb since then. all because of that doctors visit and that scale.
and, to tell you the truth, i, personally, like weighing myself - i get on the scale in the morning and then after dinner. i enjoy seeing the progress and it also let's me figure out if i need to change my diet a little. i'm not on any particular plan, i just eat what i think is good for me and after 4 months of a committed weight loss journey, my scale makes me understand what works better for me.