So this weekend I decided to go up north to my trailer park where I have gone since I was born on summer holidays. I haven't been up there since last July, before I started losing weight. I brought my best friend with me this time. So everyone was telling me I looked great, etc, yadda yadda yadda. I go inside my trailer to get a drink, and this one lady says to my best friend "Oh wow, look at her now, there's nothing to her, she has no hips she's just straight up and down, she's totally going to need a c-section when she has a baby" Like...WTF ............ THEN.... my best friend and I went for a drive in town and she was staring at me, so I said "What?"....then she says to me... "You're so beautiful... I mean like stunning beautiful... How did you ever let yourself get that fat before? like didn't you look in the mirror and realise??"....................... My mouth just dropped... I didn't even know how to respond to that. I didn't say anything... THEN she says "like didn't it bother you, being that fat, knowing you could be really pretty under it all"....................... Now I'm not going to tell you what I said back to her, basically told her off in a not-so-nice manner Then she's like, "I didn't mean it in a RUDE way... your just really pretty NOW and I was wondering how you let yourself get that big...my whole point of saying that was to let you know how beautiful you are NOW"
She has NO room to talk, she's over 200 lb's and only 5'3", and really WIDE.
Uggghhh... I just don't get some people? If your going to say a compliment, why ruin it with an insult? What my friend said to me through actually upset me, it actually hurt. I wanted to kick her in the teeth.
Thanks for reading, I had to get that off my chest.....

Rude "compliments" are terrible, I mean, why even bother? If they're going to say something rude about the you from before, that's still you! It's still insulting. I hate that. It's as though people think it's impossible to simply compliment a person and leave it at that.

I've had a couple pearls recently..."Because you've lost weight I can tell you that you used to have a REALLY BIG butt" (by a close relative) and "You were really heavy, weren't you!!" after asking how much weight I had lost so far, by a neighbour who could stand to lose more than a few pounds himself. I just think that some people don't realise what they're saying and think they're being nice when actually it feels more like an insult (to us). Try not to take the comments to heart.

omg! Sounds like your friend had good intentions.... just very badly stated....

Oh man... I know exactly what you mean. I've gotten pleeeenty of those. Backwards compliments for sure.

The funniest though was this guy that decided to try and hit on me at my work a few weeks ago. He was like "Girl you look GOOOD.... you've... uh.. changed recently. I mean, you look really good." I was like "Oh really? Thanks..." and he goes (apparently he realized how stupid he sounded) "Yeah, I mean, uh, you looked good before.... you're just... uh.... less juicy."

*headdesk*

sometimes people give "compliments" like that because they are jealous- sounds like that just might be the case in this situation.
just know that you are beautiful, and that at any weight you are the same person inside. you're extremely strong and in control of yourself, thats' why you've committed to losing weight- you've got every reason to be complimented, only in the truly complimentary way!

Ugh. I'm sure it's part jealousy/adjusting to the new you. Don't let it get to you- you are looking great in your progress pics! That C-section comment is just baffling though (and totally inappropriate).

I hate a backhanded compliment! I'm really sorry your friend hurt you.

I had one the other day. I had gone to dinner with a friend and some other people I didn't know who are friends of my friend. Afterwards, my friend was trying to compliment me by saying, "(One of the people I didn't know) said, I can see what you mean, she'll be gorgeous when she's thin." A) what did she mean "I can see what you mean"? That means my friend was having conversations about me to a stranger about my weight, B) how is it a compliment to basically say someone isn't pretty now?, and C) I was angry at myself because part of me was happy to hear someone thought I might one day be "gorgeous". I felt like I was betraying myself for finding good in that statement!

I guess the best advice is to let it roll off your back. It won't be the last time it happens, unfortunately.

Usually when someone says something like that to me, I just respond with, "I still think I look good even though I'm currently over weight. And your opinion doesn't change that." Gets them every time.

I just try to take them in the spirit they're intended - if someone is trying to be rude I ignore them, but if they just want to congratulate me on my weightloss but can't find a way to without (rightly) pointing out how awful I looked before, I just smile and say thank you.

phrasing is everything!! when I lost 15 pounds a couple years ago, I was told, "you're starting to look like yourself again!" ... er, what??

i agree with the jealousy angle....what i hate is that people act like we dont know were fat...my wifes sister says you never forget an insult...so true...my wifes uncle told me i was as tall laying down as i am standing up....F you!!!! its such an easy cheap shot to say things about the fat guy or the fat girl...there is one guy that i work with who is so insecure that he says terrible things trying to be funny...eg i had been talking to another coworkerabout how we were taking care of my father in law as he was dying...the other guy was cracking on me about how its not cool to be married so i said something to him about how its no wonder he has 2 ex wives...then he says...the reason i have two ex wives is because i wont wipe my father in laws ***...this was 2 weeks after my father in law died and he knew it..any way i ignored it and when he tried to be funny later i told him that his parents must have never told him that they loved him for him to be so insecure...a few days later he asked me if i was mad at him...its funny that some people treat you like crap but cant stand it if you dislike them...go figure...anyway if someone isnt going to be friendly, i just choose not to interact with them, im 49 have a wife and 3 daughters, in other words i have a life and dont need people like that in it....whew!!!

Wow, what a horrible guy. That is so horrible to say to someone, especially right after they died. If someone said that to me, I wouldn't talk to them about ANYTHING unless it was in regards to work!