I was always told "diets don't work", and I'm beginning to believe it. I love power walking with weights, I can even do it everyday for an hour. Up and down hills making my heart really pump. Makes me feel good. But my food habits are still the same.

I can't get passed the emotional parts of eating. It's so depressing to get a workout done, feel so proud of my accomplishments, and then go ahead and eat everything in sight! Why do I do that? What creature is living inside me telling me it's ok to pig out? Why do I continue to listen to him like a complete moron?

Does anyone else here feel they can move to lose, but the eating less feels like an impossible feat? Anyone want to help kill that creature that lives inside me? I know where he is located, for he spends a lot of time in my head.

Thanks for listening,
Heidi
158/159/135ish

Like the Lone Ranger, Kemo Sabe!!!

I do find exercise adherence is quite easy, but the eating part needs work. I like to exercise, though, I'm still recovering from some injuries. They tell me that exercise is supposed to make me want to be more careful about what I eat, e.g., it's supposed to foster healthy eating desires, but I still struggle with eating problems of all kinds.

A dietician once told me, though, that whenever I'm in a mental place where I can't handle not overeating and doing the exercise at the same time, go for the exercise. So, that's my number one focus and I try to bring the eating in line also.

But whatever one does in the eating department, for healthy individuals, exercise is never wasted. You really can't waste a good health habit just because you don't have another one.

Hmmm. That last sentence didn't make sense, but hope you get the idea and I wish you the best of luck. Don't ever give up your exercise. It's the best medicine there is!

So it's not just me. It feels like instead of losing weight, or expecting to lose weight, I should be happy I'm maintaining. Because I know if I didn't exercise, I would gain 2 lbs a week! But I still wish there was a way I could stop the obsessive way I eat. Like there is no "next meal" to come. I'm eating for the now, and not looking ahead. It's depressing. Food is my healing source and I look forward to every delectable morsal. (I have a problem!)

Thanks for the post. Now I don't feel like to much of a freak!

Heidi

Uh, no.... if you're a freak then we're ALL freaks!

I ate my way through my parents divorce, 25 years later through my own divorce, through happy times, bad times, scared, nervous, excited... you name it. I also went through spurts of being faithful in the exercise dept. then feeling like I'd "wasted" my efforts because I'd finish a step class with a pound bag of M&M's. No hon, you're not alone, we all have that little voice in our heads telling us there's still more food in the fridge...

Exercise and overeating is better than no exercise and overeating. Keep up the great physical work, eventually I bet your mind will follow.

Terri

I do the same thing. I usually exercise everyday and if I don't exercise I feel really down. Sometimes I have to make myself take a day off of exercise.

Eating right? That's a different story. I feel like every meal is my last, just like Heidi said.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not eating optimally for my exercise regimen. This is something I think I need to explore more. For the time being, I'm trying a lower carb diet (but I'm not cutting them out completely). Maybe that will help my crazy cravings some.

Good luck and if anybody has any suggestions, please post them!

Hi

Talking about being able to relate – sometimes I am really scared to even imagine what would I look like if I didn’t exercise (and enjoy it) on regular bases – even if I’m not dieting.

For example, I do Karate for almost two hours, I’m soaking wet, energized, feeling good about myself – and then afterward we go out for a “coffee” (which I don’t even drink) and I end up eating enough food to feed a small army (and Bosnian food is probably the greasiest food in the world)…

So as you see, there are more “freaks” around here then you thought…

Wow! I can so relate to your dilemma Heide! I also like exercizing and do it 6 days/week but then I get hungry and all **** breaks loose - lol! No, really, I don't like many foods that are deemed "good" for me, aka veggies, fish, even some fruits, and so therefore, I'd rather go for the Doritos or Twix bar than the carrots and celery. I almost always *think* about whether I should eat the "bad" food and sometimes I will choose to skip it - for a while that is. Then, eventually - just because I know it's there and I want to save the family from the damage it could do to them - I'll eat it. (The sacrifices we mothers make for our families )

You know, a friend once told me that when you eat, you should be really conscience during the meal and realize the signs that your body makes when you are full. For example, when your body has had enough food, you will sigh. This sigh is supposedly attempting to tell you "that's it for now - come back later". I have noticed this and I can't say that it has necessarily caused me to stop eating, but at least I've noticed and thought about it. Knowledge is power right?

Anyway, Heide, you're not alone and definitely not a freak. Just remember that you're worth the effort and you can choose what you eat. I know it's really hard and there is no guarantee of a 100% success rate, but we have to try for us right? If we don't, no one else will. Good luck!

Whew! I get visits from the Feast Beast too. If he hadn't been visiting SO OFTEN in the past few months, I might have lost all the weight I wanted to by my "deadline." Now I'm stuck about 25 lbs. from where I want to be and struggling not to regain.

Have you done any reading on compulsive or emotional eating? Or any journaling when your beast is rattling the cage demanding to be fed?

I've found I eat mainly from anxiety and boredom. Weekends are a particularly difficult time because I have so much unstructured time on my hands. I've made lists of projects around home, as well as fun things, I can do when the beast feels overwhelming to me. I can't just sit in front of the TV and chant "Don't eat don't eat" or sit and watch the clock while waiting for 10 minutes to elapse (the 10-minute rule). I have to do something active to distract myself from the compulsion.

I exercise 6 days a week, and when I sometimes feel "mentally lazy" and don't want to exercise, I bargain with myself using the 20-minute rule. So far, I have always continued to complete my total workout and have not quit after the 20 minutes has elapsed.

I am going to try incorporating a variation of this into my weekends by telling myself if I complete 1-2 projects off my list, then I can binge when I finished if I still WANT to. While I'm working, I'm going to visualize and think through the consequences (weight gain, uncomfortable clothing, shame, depression, etc.) of a binge. Hopefully when I get done with my project(s) I will have regained control of myself. If not, then I will look at the pictures of myself at 272 and at 135 pounds and journal for awhile to see if I can release the building pressure to avert a binge.

I have noticed a pattern. When I want to binge on something tasty (hate veggies and fruits, love ice cream and chips) and I tell myself I'm not hungry, you don't need this, ect., there is a funny feeling that comes over me. It's hard to describe to people I know, maybe someone here can tell me what I'm feeling. It's like if I don't eat what I want when I want it, I get this overwhelming feeling I'm going against destiny. Like I have to eat it or I'm not doing something I'm supposed to do. I'm not a religious person, so it's not like I think a higher power is making me eat. I just feel like it's something I have no contol over.

You know that feeling you get when you have to do the laundry, or have to go to school/work, it's a feeling like that. I keep trying to tell myself I don't have to, but it is oh so powerful. Like a police car is following me with it's lights flashing, I have to pull over.

I suffer from anxiety and I know it might have something to do with this too. (I'm too chicken to get medicine for it.) But in the meantime, I eat. At least I enjoy that part! Maybe that's part of the reason I won't let myself get better. Hmmmmm. Am I a freak now?

Heidi

Hi Heidi,
I was just reading this thread out of curiosity and had no intention of posting, but your comment about taking medication for anxiety drove me to it.
First of all, I have the same exact head case as you. And we even weigh almost the same and have a similar weight loss goal. Personally, I think we just have to wait around until a Little Self Control Beast gets the upper hand on the Feast Beast. It's happened to me a few times, but unfortunately, only for short bursts. The self control dude just isn't as strong yet. Until the day comes(and it will!!!) we just have to keep on exercising and keep on believing that we can do it!!!
Now for the drugs, DON"T DO IT!!!! I personally feel that we Americans take way too many drugs for way too many silly things. I just read an article about how pharmasudical companies actually promote illness to sell their products. These illnesses certainly exisit, but not enough people suffer from them to make any money from producing the drug. Am I making sense. I'm really tired.
Anyway, I've even been to the emergency room because of an anxiety attack I had last year, but I'd never take a drug for it...If I had the time I'd take a yoga class. They are incredibly relaxing. I'm looking into some meditation stuff for myself too. I'll let you know how it goes.
Relax Heidi! You are not alone. Next time you eat a whole box of Captain Crunch (with milk) think of me, cause I've been there, done that....

Thanks Apple Blossom. About the anxiety, I'm not sure if that's what is going on with me, or even if I have attacks, but I hate feeling this way all the time. I can never relax. Mostly at night, I wake up and have a hard time breathing. I have to get up and sit on the couch to try and catch my breath. I worry about everything, right now my weight problem overpowers me. I can't be happy, how can I be when I look so chunky? My family doesn't make things easier for me. My little sister just had a baby. A few months later she said she looked in the mirrior and was disgusted with herself. She has gone on a diet and lost 10 lbs, just like that. She never has to struggle. You can give her a bag of frozen chicken breasts, some BBQ sauce, and a box of brown rice and she's good to go for two weeks. Makes me sick. And then to top it off, my overweight older brother goes and losses 100 lbs! And here I am, the loser of the family who just can't do it. The weak one with no self control. I just can't get that monkey off my back! Part of me wants to say "the h*** with it, I'm the way I am and should accept it". Then there's my family always nagging me. They're always going to be looking at me, saying things behind my back. I know what they're saying and it hurts. Because if I could change, I would. I hate being this weak jellyfish who can't do anything right. I'm so depressed right now, with nothing really serious to be depressed about. I have a job, a husband, and two little kids who love me. I should be happy, but I'm not. I need help to just relax and not worry about my weight. I exercise and that helps me feel better, but as soon as I eat, I hate myself all over again.

Sorry for the long post. Sometimes I just need to talk about it, and have somebody listen. I mean, actually take notice and listen. Thanks.

Heidi
158/161/135ish

Wow, how many times have I asked my self why do I eat so much. I have been on a regular exercise routine since Jan 2002.
I havent lost a pound!! I do have more strenth and at the beginning I could only do 20 mins walking on the treadmil. 4th of July I jogged 3 miles!! So I have made good progress but the weight hasnt budged! Why, because I love to eat fast food and I hate to cook. I need help with the food!! I love sweets. I have told myself I am worth eating right. My self esteem isnt bad. I truely believe it is just bad habits now that keep me at this weight! One thing for sure is I wont ever stop trying to change my eating habits. It is nice to know that I am not alone. Thank you for posting!!

I too struggled for the last 15 years with weight issues. It seemed that as soon as I would think about diet, I would get these enormous cravings for things I didn't care about 2 days earlier. I sabotaged my efforts every single time and could not stick to any plan more than 3 days.

I kept asking WHY do I do this to myself? One day it came to me loud and clear. I didn't have much growing up - my dad drank and gambled most of the money away. I wore hand me down clothes, couldn't be in the girl scouts and what few toys we had were rarely new and usually someone else's cast offs. While everyone had nice new Schwinn bikes, I had an old clunker with big fat tires that was hard to pump. I didn't blame my parents - my dad was a loving man who had a problem and my mom was a saint for getting us through the hard times and keeping us a tight, loving family. But when I started working, I decided that I was finally going to have everything I never had as a kid. It did me well in my career.

One day, as I was obsessing about not being able to stay with a diet for even ONE WHOLE DAY, it occured to me that by dieting, I was denying myself what I wanted. That little girl inside me who swore she'd never do without again grew up to be a Feast Beast that took control of me. It was a quite a revelation to me and I spent the next 2 months doing some intensive self therapy before I even thought about dieting again.

Knowing my weakness, I started with looking at the foods I liked and thinking about how I could still have them but in a more healthy manner. (You like ice cream - try Healthy Choice instead of Ben & Jerrys - yeah it's icky but you won't binge on it and at least you can have your ice cream). Then it was sneaking in some good for you foods in order to justify the "I like" foods. Over time, I changed the balance of what I was eating and though it's not as quick or easy as eating out and eating just what I want, I know it's either change or be a tub for the rest of my life.

Everyone has to come to that conclusion for themselves. Heidi you said you have 2 kids. Would you let them live on only on a diet of M&Ms, hot dogs and chicken nuggets and kool aid? Of course not! Please care about yourself as much as you do for your family who needs you. Sometimes you have to be the mom to yourself who pushes that spoonful of good for you food to the kid in you who shuts their lips tight and turns their head away.

Try making just tiny little changes over time - they add up and don't focus on what you're denying yourself - focus on what you're giving yourself - the kind of person you want to be.

And for heaven's sake, don't be COMPARING yourself to everyone else. You are special, unique and you'll do things in your own way in your own time. Sending some good karma to you...