I'm pretty new here still, so this is my first thread.

I went on a cruise a couple weeks ago--it was awesome.

Before the cruise I was all cool and collected about maintaining my fairly strict idea of what I should eat each day, and fully intended not to over-eat.

Never having been on a cruise before, I didn't know what I was in for. On the first day, I counted calories. And then I said to myself...I am on vacation. I don't want to work. I want to enjoy myself. So what if I gain a few pounds? I can lose it. It is fine.

And I proceeded to have the most fun and relaxing 7 days of my entire life.

I gained a few pounds. This caused a little bit of anxiety. But the overwhelming feeling I have right now is relief. Ever since I got back I have not really wanted to jump back into calorie-counting. I am very averse to the idea. I like being relaxed for once. I like the lack of regimentation. I am kicking up my yoga practice with a few new DVDs and possibly some classes at a local center, I am still going to the gym. I just don't want to count calories.

Frankly, I am tired of being vigilant.

And I wonder if I am onto some great truth about my life--and maybe life in general.

Looking back at my life, and on the particular vices I have wrestled with over the years, I see a theme. Sometimes after years of fruitless struggle, constant watching, being careful, worrying, etc...the moment I let go of being entirely in control all the time, the issues that gave me so much grief, that I simply couldn't conquer, recede into the background. All at once, I realize that I do not struggle with or agonize over or obsess about that thing anymore. Whether it has been sex or faith, men or money...whatever...the most free I have been is not when I have been most in control, but when I have stopped being so hard on myself and just pursued balance.

I am afraid that if I do that with food I will lose everything and become my old obese self again--but there is another part of me that says my life and my health do not have to be this hard to maintain. This part of me insists that if I worry less about what I put in my mouth and learn instead to trust my instincts, I will stop regarding food intake and exercise level and scale readings as facets of some life-long war I will never really win, and start not really thinking about it that much at all. Maybe I can spend most of my time thinking about what kind of life I am living and what I want to DO with it.

This is just...me thinking out loud, and wondering if I should worry at my rebellion or rejoice that I might be finally learning something. I want to be a person who doesn't see weight as a problem or as something to be over come, lost or won, hidden or flaunted...but something that can be merely a footnote in a very vibrant life full of relationships, activity and love.

What do you think about this? Should I reign it in and force myself back to The Plan? Or should I experiment with a more free lifestyle for a while?

I'm tired of working so hard all the time, and measuring myself all the time. I just want to live.

Can't hurt to try it. My advice would be too keep an accurate and true food journal during the first few weeks, just to see where you "instinctually" hit for calories on a daily basis. Also - keep an eagle eye on the scale.

Personally, my instincts are to eat really big portions (it's how I got to 200 lbs in the first place) so I don't intend to ever stop my way of life that let me successfully lose 70 lbs and keep it off for 4 years!

I'm "relaxed enough" on a daily basis to just fall into routine and let it carry me along without too much angst (I mean, there is occasional angst, but overall I'm pretty happy).

I understand! I also have thought that this weight business should not "have" to be so hard. Lots of folks sound as though it's all they ever think about. (Of course, it's a weight loss board, so that's what gets talked about.)

But I think it's dangerous for any formerly obese person to give up paying attention all at once. Clearly, in the past we weren't paying attention, and look what happened...

Think about that cruise--7 days of letting go is great... but what if the cruise never ended? That few pounds would likely become many pounds after awhile. And in a way, life in America can be a cruise that never ends. We have lots of food around us, available at any time.

So--do you have to count calories? I don't know! Maybe not! You pretty much know what to eat, after having lost 75 pounds. But do pay attention in some way. I'd suggest, as Glory87 says, that you keep a close eye on the scale--say, once a week--just to make sure you don't experience a slow weight creep upward.

Jay

The only way to answer your questions is to experiment and try your theories.

Weight loss and maintenance is a lifelong journey ... and life changes. In fact, the only certainty about life is change and the fact that we need to change with it. What worked once may not work forever. What felt right before may not be the right choice now. What worked for you for weight loss may not be the answer for your maintenance.

But I agree with Glory and Jay that you need to self-monitor while you experiment. The only way to evaluate whether your new plan works or not is to track the results and assess whether they're in line with your goals, whatever you choose your goals to be. You don't want to wake up one day and realize none of your pants fit and the scale is up 25 pounds.

Many long-term maintainers find that the issues of monitoring food and exercise recede into the background of their lives and take very little thought or effort -- a footnote, as you say. I think that's what we mean by making this a "lifestyle change". What we do -- and it's different for each of us -- to maintain a healthy weight becomes part of a balanced life, not a barrier to a balanced life.

Best of luck to you in your quest and please keep us up to date on what you discover.

I agree with what was already said -- the only way to find out if it will work for you is to try it. I had a good long time where I gave up on tracking and counting and just tried to eat healthy. It worked to maintain for about a year, but then portion creep started and I had to track again to get things under control.

So I say go for it, but keep weighing in regularly, and if your weight starts to go up you may have to start counting and tabulating again.

I started today saying I would be "mindful" of my eating, but not marking every little thing down the way I have since June of last year.

The truth is, I know the rules.

Funny thing I realized was that I have been saying to myself, ever so quietly---"its all ok as long as i write it down."

I'd eat something and know I should portion control, but then I'd calculate the calories and then make bargains with myself for how I'd make it all work at the end of the day--I was borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, so to speak. I'd have 4 cookies, write it down, and then there would go my healthy dinner, so I could keep my calories in the right place. Or I'd eat everything, and then force myself to go to the gym to fix it. Now...those behaviors aren't wrong every once in a while. I've made successful bargains with myself so I can have a treat I don't usually have and it worked out fine. But it was becoming a habit. So I was thinking all the time--how many is this?? How much of this can I have? What is my calorie count for today??? And I wouldn't eat anything til I worked out my bargains...it's numbers numbers numbers all the time. I'm not even letting myself think about how much I am eating, as long as the numbers add up....

So I am going to try to go through the day without getting hung up so much on numbers--but still keeping an eye on how much is going in my mouth. By this time, I am very well aware what one serving of couscous is and how much 4oz of chicken breast is. Measuring food is second nature...arranging it on small plates and stopping when I'm full....I know this stuff. I want to be the kind of person who can live like that without running constantly to mark everything down.

Whether that's realistic...I don't know. I was a compulsive over-eater until a few years ago. That chapter of my life seems closed forever, but it could re-open...nothing is set in stone.

I weigh myself every morning at the same time--sometimes I forget to, or I don't care, but I usually do it to keep track of my median weight and keep in mind how my normal water weight fluctuation works. I don't freak out over two pounds in either direction, etc. As long as I keep watching the basics, maybe I can afford to relax a little. Thanks for the reminder to do that, and I'll keep you posted on my progress.

An endless cruise buffet is not what I want for my life--but neither is an endless score-sheet.

Before the cruise, I didn't think I was being a food/calorie fascist. I actually thought I was being pretty laid back and all "this is a lifestyle"-ish and "cut yourself some slack"-happy. But I am looking back now and wondering if I wasn't just sort of making my bargaining ok in my head so I didn't have to think about the fact that I barely eat vegetables anymore. I don't know, i am all confused about it. I felt sure I was doing the right thing before, and now I just don't want to go back to it. It feels so...strict and false and repetitive and un-natural.

Maybe I just really wish I was the kind of person who this comes naturally to and I'm having a pity party that I'm not--that I really AM one of those people who always has to be careful. Like..."why can't this just be easy for me??? Why do I have to work so hard for something that SEEMS like it should be simple and instinctual?"

As you can tell, I am all over the map about this. Theories, hopes, wishes, fears all jumbled together, etc.

Sorry!