Well I'm hoping I can find the support I need here. I'm 23 and weight 240 lbs! In high school I was bulimic, so as you can see I've struggled with weight for years. Last year I was pregnant and I lost my baby at 8 months pregnant due to health problems. After that I turned to food, alcohol, and cigerattes for comfort. I am a well educated person that comes from a great family but I'm scared if I keep going down the path I am going I will die. I don't know how to stop though. I binge eat and drink. I grew up being a star track athlete and now I'm lucky if I see a gym once a month. I don't know what to do anymore and I try to act happy and the life of everyone but behind close doors I cry myself to sleep everynight just to wake up the next day and eat a whole pizza when the roommates are gone. I figure no one will know then. I just really need help so if anyone out there has some advise I am looking for it because I'm a very lost person.

Please, please consider seeing a mental health counselor. All of the issues that you have been dealing with are very serious and it seems that you may be clinically depressed and with good reason! The folks on this site are great and very supportive, but seeking help is also a great idea! I hope you will seriously consider this suggestion. I will be sending lots of good thoughts your way.

If you saw a counselor in high school when you were bulimic, is it possible to see the same one who helped you? If not, please consider seeing an addictions/eating disorder counselor. You are abusing food/alcohol for a reason. Perhaps counseling and/or medication will help! I'm sorry for your loss last year. It wouldn't surprise me if you were depressed from the loss and grieving. 3fc is a wonderful support group, but it is not a substitute for professional help. Try both! (((hugs))) You have a long, happy life ahead of you; don't waste another minute feeling awful.

why the sad mood you can start by excercising and you'll feel great when you're done cuz of the lovely endorphins that'll make you feel happy and dont weigh every single day.follow a balanced diet and day by day you'll feel better.
Good luck sweety.

Suzzyque, I know what it's like to battle bulimia--been there...I'm recovered...

I am so sorry for your loss! I have not lost a child myself...but my mom lost my sister but before that I was born premie and she almost lost me...

I remember the pain...and i watched my mom battle her grief over my sister for YEARS...plus the GUILT ..I felt for having been a premie too but surviving although she didn't...even though we were a few years apart...

I know it hurts...HUGS to you.

It sounds to me like you are in a place of beating yourself up...Please realize that you are not at fault..I noticed that in your post...there were probably other issues in play...

The main thing is...I want to comfort you with this...

it is a bible verse when David lost his infant son...God told him.."He can not come to where you are...but you can go to where he is." Basically, the baby was gone. The baby went to heaven...Now you can live your life here, and enjoy it, and maybe have more children?...then when it is all said and done...you can be reunited with your beautiful child.

I can not wait to see my sister, and now that my dad has passed, I can not wait to see him again.

I know about the closet bingeing too...That's why i think having a support forum is wonderful! You won't feel that isolation..and you can post in "chicks in control" when you are feeling overwhelmed or need encouragement..

I think it would be good to talk to a counselor if you are the type that benefits from that...I don't think the grief of losing a baby EVER goes away..like i said..I saw my mom deal with it alot..but the pain does lessen...it is ok to grieve. Just remember, no amount of pizza, icecream, or chocolate can fix it..

I put a little note on my fridge...

It says "How did you feel when you looked in the mirror this morning? If you didn't feel good about it..do you really think that piece of food is going to fix that?

Please realize that even if you don't know it. God loves you and created you for a purpose. It is a good thing you want to be healthy. I hope you find a diet and weight loss program that is suited to you..REMEMBER that star track athelte IS STILL inside you. You know how to get there...you just got to bring her back out of you...