perhaps im just over reacting, or under stress about other things. but....

im going on a trip this weekend with my bf and his family. i dont snowboard well. nor do i own equipment, nor do i have alot of money. so i can't and wont get a rental and a pass at all.

so he says...

maybe i should bring gym clothes or a book for when he's snowboarding on one of those days. mind you, we are only going for the weekend.

i suppose i was a bit offended. am i wrong. i guess i'd just rather spend our time there together, doing things together. like as a couple. i mean if i can't snowboard, why can't we do something else. together.

honestly, i need to just keep it in perspective. not make it seem like something its not. the relationship that is. but sometimes, its really frustrating.


side note: as pissed and frustrated as i was, i didn't turn to food!!!

Is he planning on going snowboarding by himself? Or is he going with his family?

The reason I ask...if he's going snowboarding with his family, and his family invited you on the trip, his obligations to spend time with people are split between the family and you. You're choosing not to snowboard, which is totally cool, but he is his own person and has to make his own decision, particularly if it comes to spending time with you vs. spending time with his family. So he's making sure you know in advance that he is planning to send some portion of his time doing things that you don't want to do, and some portion doing things with you, and that you should be prepared for both...and the advance notice will ensure you're occupied regardless of what he's doing.

If he's going off snowboarding by himself and leaving you with his family, that's a different story, and I'd wonder why he would do that rather than spend time with you all. I'd also say, depending how long the trip is, it'd be nice of him to spend one day off the slopes and with you, and snowboard the other few days (or whatever the schedule).

I once had a fabulous time with a book, sipping coffee in an overlook of the slopes, while waiting for someone to finish boarding. It was really pleasant!
on not turning to food.

welll... I have to agree with mandalinn; if it's a family trip and he's going with his family it's to be expected, I'm sure he wants to spend time with them too. It would be nice if he split his time between the two of you, but you shouldn't expect him to miss out...

and awesome job on not turning to food! I would kill for some chicken wings or ice cream right now, but I'm not going to!

hmmm interesting perspective. im so glad now that i posted this. i definitely had not thought of it that way at all.

basically its his parents, their 3 kids, and respective bf or gf. the parents rented a suite for the weekend for all of us. i suppose because he lives with his parents and sees his family often, i didn't think of it that way as spending time with them.

i definitely did not think of it that way. i guess i was also a bit sore, for the fact that i can't afford to pay the rental fees. its not really that i dont want to do it.

Sorry, but I do think you're overreacting. You guys can hang out before and after he snow boards. You don't want him to resent you on the trip. Have some warm hot cocoa available for him when he's done!

yeah, i see what you mean. i think there's a lot of deep rooted resentment behind my thinking though. that goes way beyond any weekend trip.

Well, I apologize in advance for being a tad contrary here, but if they invited you, why doesn't the invitation include the passes and such? If his parents aren't willing to pay for guests, then your boyfriend certainly ought to cover your costs - not suggest "alternate activities" for while he's on the slopes. Sorry, but it sure doesn't sound like a fun weekend to me. Of course, I don't know how old you all are, but why is it, exactly, that he's still living at home? Perfectly acceptable if you're both high-schoolers, of course, but if not, then, why? PLUS, I would point out that having you come, but not paying your way seems a little - no, a LOT - selfish to me. Doesn't sound to me like he's trying too hard in this relationship. Have hot cocoa waiting for him? Hah! Have hot cocoa waiting to pour over his head is more like it! But better still, be spending your weekend somewhere else, doing something on your own? Okay, sorry. Just my opinion. Glad you didn't turn to food for comfort, though. Good for you!

Wow Ella said what I was thinking. If you can't afford to rent equipment and they invited you it seems like someone (parents or BF) would make sure you were included. I mean WTC!!!!

If the resentment is really about being left out of the snowboarding because you can't afford it then tell him so and maybe you can work something out. I think if the purpose of the trip is a skiing/boarding then its acceptable for him to want to take part with his family especially if its something he enjoys. If you've made an excuse about not wanting to snowboard because your not very good/don't like it then its fair to assume that he's taken this at face value.

As a non-skier/boarder I've spent many a morning just watching the slopes, reading a book and sipping hot chocolate and been quite happy.

Kitty

thats precisely it. he doesn't try at all in our relationship. and quite frankly, it makes me just not care anymore. he's a good person and funny, but he's rather cold, and honestly, that's not my style at all. i wanna be with someone who's a compassionate gentleman.

like i said, i think there's some resentment lying elsewhere, not just with this particular instance. example, he hasn't even recognized the fact we've been dating for over a year. girls care about those things, even if guys don't. we went to florida to my grandparents' in december. so we didn't get each other presents for xmas. but he didn't even give me a card. (i gave him something small and homemade.)it just shows that he doesn't care at all. i don't feel important, most of the time.

You have to realize though some guys don't care about those things. If I asked my bf right now how long we've been together he'd have no clue that it's been 3 years.

Also, with Christmas...did you guys agree not to get each other anything? If so I can see where he is coming from. We did that for Valentine's day one year bc we were both fairly skint and I went ahead and got him a card and a flower and was extremely upset when he didn't get me anything. I asked him and he said we agreed. And to be truthful we did. I didn't listen; so there was no way he was going to know i'd do that.

If you don't feel important in the relationship...either talk to him about it and work through it...because he may have no clue or maybe its time to move on. The fact that he invited you to be with him and his family shows me that he cares....(this is based solely on what you have told us) Because what I am told by my boyfriend is 'if I didn't care do you think I'd want you around?'

My boyfriend often invites me along for a weekend at his Dad's, then spends 80% of the time there with said dad hauling furniture, fixing roofs, hunting deer, and other "guy stuff" I really don't want to tag along for. I don't mind because his Dad has a huge television and lives by a gorgeous lake to walk around and read by. I don't feel unimportant, because after the time spent not with me my bf always comes back and kvetches about the barn he had to clear out or whatever and does a little happy dance when he finds I've made dinner. Your bf may be the same: to him, not boarding together isn't that big of a deal because you don't like it anyway and most of the time he'd be focusing on not falling on his a$$ in front of you. Instead, he sees you as the warm cuddly thing to come back to.