Hello Ladies,
The consensus amongst the post's is that you'd like to get to know me and post often. The posting often will be a bit of a challenge. I am taking care of my mother-in-law (she was recently diagnosed with a heart problem and will need surgery soon
). My husband's job requires a great deal of travel (U.S., Canada, Mexico, South Africa, Germany and several South American countries), so I am home, (a tiny town in rural Nevada and yes it is as dry and desolate as it sounds), alone. My mother-in-law is one of my few friends here (we just moved here 10/01), so I am very worried about the upcoming operation. (So worried I "treated" myself to a full mexican dinner with all the trimmings, (chips, salsa, guac, soup and the proverbial combo dinner). I couldn't even eat 1/3 of it, and I still got sick. I have not ate like that in more than 15 days. It's been 18 hours and my stomach still hurts. What an idiot
!
I have just divulged a big clue about myself. I am an emotional eater and carbs make me "feel" better than anything else. Not even sugar or chocolate does as much for my psyche as a plate of spaghetti with meatballs, sausage, garlic bread etc...Could be my italian heritage, or the fact that my parents owned a mexican/italian food restaurant during my "form"-ative years. I was as skinny as a bean pole growing up. I loved sports and was so active, eating like a carb crazed fool did not effect me...but it effects me now. Now if I look at food, I gain weight. And because I could not maintain the level of activity I kept up as a kid, the weight just piled on and on and on... I, here it goes...started the Atkins diet program on 042002 weighing in at an unbelievable 292 lbs. ( I am only 5'5" and shrinking daily from the weight of my tail end). I did fairly well the first 2 weeks, sticking to the program and not "cheating". I lost 18 lbs. Yeah! But then,
,
I started to slip...twice now...and both times (within a week) happened because of worry/depression. ( I take an anti-depressant, but only half the dose because it prevents me from sleeping).
Is there a message length maximum? If so I probably already exceded it by a page or two. Sorry if I did. SB, (my husband) is on a job in Ontario and won't be home til the 17th. The news of his mom's condition came while he was gone, and so I am going it alone on the emotional home front. I have felt like crying all day today and, because of the pills, haven't had to deal with that kind of tearful emotion in awhile. I hate being down. I am normally an upbeat person, weight problem and all. I have three great daughters. All going to 3 different colleges in Colorado! I also have 3 and 2/3 grandchildren. One boy, 2 girls and a 3rd boy do in July. Life is really quite good, so when I get these mood swings, for lack of a better term, I really hate it. I know it's partially the dieting. Deprivation of pasta plays terrible tricks on the mind. I know too, the worry about my mother-in-law is legit. It's also one of those things I have no control over, so I need to put in perspective. I also know missing my wonderful husband, and he is truly a wonderful man, is the largest part of my depression and again...it's a situation I have no control over. How on earth do skinny people survive this crap
?
Well, nothing like an introduction in the form of a pity party! I will close this melodrama/biography with a word of thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this whole thing. I am sure the sun will come out tomorrow...I can say that with relative surety since I live in the desert!
Thanks Again,
MB
How'd DH's doc visit go?
, I have quit 
optimal_allusion , 05-10-2002 07:41 PM
(take that however you may!)
