this time last year, some of you might remember, i started counting calories and was steadily losing weight. around march or april i fell off the wagon and haven't been able to get back on since. i don't know what to do anymore. i've tried sticking to an exercise plan, but i can't seem to get myself to do it regularly and i can't stick to an eating plan. as soon as i try to give myself certain limits all i think about is eating more.

i'm starting to think i should just accept being fat and live with it.

I've had the same problem for most of last year. I had lost over 115 pounds and have now gained back almost 20 pounds!

I know part of my problem is that I didn't prioritize my weight and health, but I've noticed a difference in how I feel and how my body moves and know it's time to do it again. I don't want to give up because if I do I WILL gain it all back -- and probably more than before.

So, if you feel like you can accept being fat, then I think you will. But it's not inevitable!

Hey beauty, I remember you!

Sounds like the lifestyle change didn't stick, huh? Well, let us 3FC folks be your coach a little bit!

Don't just "try" sticking to an exercise plan--do it! You can start with something relatively simple--an exercise DVD at home, or a walk at lunch, something like that, which you can fit in easily and isn't terribly hard. Sometimes people try to go from zero to 60 in less than a minute, and that makes it harder to get started!

What about that food? Do you have weight-loss-friendly foods in your house, or do you have a lot of dangerous foods...? You know what they are. When you do try to adjust your eating, do you restrict too much? Some people try to go from 60 to zero in this part of it--and that can give you "metabolic whiplash"!

No one has to accept being fat and just live with it. And I don't think you want to do that, because if you did, you wouldn't be posting!

beauty, make yourself a plan. Start with just one thing today that you can change, something that will set you in the right direction. Even if it's just drinking a little more water or substituting a healthy snack...

You can do this...

Jay

This right here is what you need to focus on. It sounds like you are overwhelmed with trying to do too much at once. Take a good honest look at everything you are eating. Do you keep a food journal? If not, start keeping one. Make small tangible changes here and there, and over time you will mold a healthier way of eating that will feel natural and not like deprivation. If you have trigger foods, stay away from them because you won't be able to limit yourself.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Best of luck.

I remember that beautiful photo of yours So glad to see you back.

I'm going to highlight some things I see...

Yoda once said "Do or do not. There is no try." It always sounded a little harsh to me when I was a kid... thinking of myself trying to do a push-up and not succeeding. But now that I'm a little older, I understand exactly what this means. It's not about actually trying and failing. It's about doing it UNTIL you succeed. What if, when I was a kid, I tried to do a push-up every single day for weeks and weeks until I became strong enough to actually do a push-up. The point is that each day I would be "doing" not just having tried to do.

What if I said to myself "I tried to go to the gym today and failed". Did I really try if all I did was hit the snooze button and roll over back to sleep? No. That's not really trying at all, is it? Trying only involves true intentions 100% of the way to the goal. Don't take this to mean we don't stumble of falter. But, rather that we continue to that goal, and work our hardest to get there in spite of our own shortcomings.


"can't". I'm not fond of this word. Because 9 times out of 10 it means "won't". Or often, even if someone really can't, they don't look for a way around it.

Okay so Susie can't get to the gym today. She truly can't. But she does have time for a walk around the building before she goes to work. She does have time to take the stairs. She does have time to take another walk at lunch.

So what is it that you can't do? What is it that you won't do? And how is it that you're going to work your way around it?

Eating well. Maybe you started off expecting too much of yourself. A lot of the time small changes really add up. Focusing on one thing at a time until it's ingrained may help. Drinking water, going for a short walk, even just making sure to get in 5 fruits and vegetables a day. That's succeeding. And that's doing. It doesn't have to be all or nothing and it doesn't have to be all at once.

When someone says something like this, it's doubtful to me that they actually mean it. I only say that because I've said it myself. Dozens of times. Dozens & dozens.

But let's say you really do mean it. That's fine. And it's a beautiful thing to accept yourself for you who are. But that also means taking care of yourself. Regardless of weight.

And what does taking care of yourself include? Getting in activity, making sure you eat the right kinds of foods, etc. Even if you aren't looking to lose weight, these things help ensure you a healthier life.

I know you feel frustrated. Disappointed in yourself. It feels like an endless and insurmountable task. So don't tackle it all at once. Take one step.

So much wisdom already!

Change is hard. It really is. It may be that you truly aren't ready, and that's okay. I know I had some efforts that didn't get me where I wanted to be, and then I stopped, and tried again.


But like Faerie pointed out, even if your goal moves away from weight loss at this time, it is still important to incorporate healthy behaviors. Fruit, veggies, movement, avoiding fast and fried foods, limiting soda, etc.

I read an article recently that pointed out people who journal their food intake lose weight. Maybe you don't need to do any dramatic change for awhile. Just journal your intake. Or plan out one day of food. Just one day. Calculate out 2000 calories of a healthy food plan and give it a shot for one day. One decision at a time might add up for you in ways that surprise you.

Oh wow...i really don't remember anyone telling me losing weight was going to be easy...but it really does get easier after awhile. I'll tell you what i did the very first time i started losing weight. I didn't have money for a gym so i started walking on my lunch break. I mean, really, i sit at a desk for 8 hours, do i really need to sit on my butt another hour at lunch??? And it certainly doesn't take me an hour to eat my food...so, i started walking. Also, some people don't think it's as healthy, but i bought alot of lean cruisines and Healthy Choice lunches. I would eat them every day for lunch and sometimes for dinner too. I discovered egg whites and started making egg white omelets with fat free cheese and a slice of ham or turkey luncheon meat. I added a bannana into my morning as a mid-morning snack and instead of regular creamer, i cut back on calories by using sugar free creamers (and measuring each spoonful). It really is all about looking for healthier versions of your favorite things. And don't go from eating whatever you want to eating 1200 calories. That's tough!!! NO lie! Try making an eating plan of 1800 calories. Then when you're used to that, knock it down a 100 or 200 calories. The best thing to do is to plan out your foods for a week ( i started out eating the same thing for the first week). I also love recipe sites. I got my first few recipes from this board in the weight watchers boards.

Anyways, i hope i've helped a little. And take it from someone with experience...i've lost 63 pounds only to put 23 of it back on...And i am finding it hard to get back on the horse, but i'm doing it...slowly but surely. You and I will lose the weight we lost before...we just have motivate ourselves to get back to it. We can't let our taste buds rule our lives. We have to rule our taste buds and tell them what we are going to eat. (My taste buds is my problem...they LOVE Doritos Sweet and Spicy Chili chips)!!!

I'm sorry you are feeling so discouraged. You have received a lot of wise advice and I hope you reconsider "living fat".

I would like to add to a tip Jay gave you about exercise. You DON't have to start a rigorous training program plus a low calorie diet all at once. That is one of my quirks with the tv show "The Biggest Loser" as well. They focus mostly on exercise, and little on food. I think it should be the other way around in my oppenion. Food is the real culprit, the inactivity comes after the weight weighs you down. (again IMO)

I didn't start any type of exercise program for many months into my healthy diet. I concentrated on my food first. I worked out a program that kept me full and satisfied with copious amounts of healthy food....Just that part of my journey took a lot of time, soul searching, motovation, planning, measuring, logging, and good old fashioned suffering! I couldn't focus on anything else while my body was readjusting to major changes, especially a rigorous exercise program! Then, after the weight began melting off, (and it did at first) I found I was just naturally moving more. I was amazed at how easily I could do stairs and huge parking lots and mega stores. I still don't go to a gym, (none for 50 miles) but I walk and lift and bend and work. You can do this, and there is no law that says you have to go into it like it is boot camp. That is for TV game shows...not real life. Give yourself 2 or 3 months and then start an "exercise program" you can live with.

One thing that has helped me is to decide what to do and not go cold turkey.

Now I did decide to do the fat smash and I've stuck to it. I won't lie- I fell off the bandwagon during christmas, but I only gained back four pounds and have lost 3 since then by getting back on the program

Get rid of the bad stuff- in my house I've eliminated everything I like- there is NO more ice cream in the house, I do keep my favorite chips- but in mini bags and I limit myself to a max of maybe ONE a day. Some days I don't even touch them. If you are thinking about food that much- maybe get more healthy snacks? My snacks are carrots and celery and cauliflower with the Wishbone "just 2 good" dressings, then I also eat 100 calorie popcorns or other 100 calorie snacks

I keep a food journal and it helps- when I didn't track during the holidays I was definitely overeating!

Also- what's your gym plan? My resolution is just 3x a week, since I used to do 2 a week last year- adding one more day to me doesn't feel like I'm using too much time- yesterday I did 2 miles in 27 minutes (I hate running) and I was proud of myself.

Get rid of any crap you can (unfortunately my husband loves cheese puffs but thankfully I can resist those), get a food journal, and make a feasible plan- remember it takes SIX months for something to become a normal part of your routine

Unfortunately for us overweight people- once you get to your goal weight that doesn't mean you can go back to your old eating habits- remember it's all a "life change."

I think fitting into a life stlye change is like trying to force a puzzle piece into a spot where it doesn't belong. We have to find the right piece and that may be through trial and error and even periods of giving up.

I'm currently struggling with these same issues. I haven't gained weight, but I haven't lost it much either for two months. Not to mention I can't fit into a routine comfortably. It is a struggle for me to exercise and such. I have recently asked myself why it is such a struggle? Then I started to think about how I'm trying to wedge myself into this "plan" and "idea" of what I would like. Almost like my ideal life that I want to live and you know what? I'm not there yet. That is too overwhelming for me. It is too much! So many changes, so many things, and I think what I go through is a sort of stall out where I stand still and try to figure out what to do first.

Recently I have started to focus on how I feel. For example, yesterday I walked around in stores and you know I said to myself "god I LOVE to walk" and I do! That feeling was so strong and I want to feel that way again, so I'm going to go walking and my goal is to do that everyday.

I also LOVE healthy food. Yet there are these moments I make bad choices and the choices are bad because they make me physically feel bad. So, why wouldn't I choose the healthy stuff that I really and truly love? So, now I'm focused on making myself feel good and positive instead of focusing on what I should be doing.

Perhaps this method isn't for everyone, but so far it makes me rethink a lot of things. It also turns my attention to my basic needs and not my ever growing list of goals.

If it was as simple as "just do it" then everyone would be in shape. It isn't always that simple though. Sometimes you have to find a way to motivate yourself so you can leap into doing it comfortably!

thank you all so much for all the advice. i've been trying to think of small things i could do to make changes. eating healthily is going to be the hardest as i am I living with my fiance's family (and therefore eating from their menu) and can't really afford to buy much food. my fiance's mom is a great cook but doesn't tend to do much with vegetables. all i have really been able to afford lately is frozen pizza and cheap canned goods. it's hard to eat healthy when you aren't the one planning your meals.

i went ahead and talked to my man earlier and we decided that we will try to go for a walk 3 times a week, to get ourselves used to the idea of getting out and moving. but even that is a challenge seeing as we don't live in the best neighborhood.

i just look back on last time and remember how well i did. i stayed within my goals, started to exercise (though didn't get very far with it) and lost 16 pounds. then i just quit. since then i have gained it all back plus some. i even remember thinking "this isn't so bad" when i was doing it. then i just lost it.

the thing that is keeping me from binging right now is thinking about how much better it would feel to not be so big. for the moment, it's working. i want to be able to go to work and not sweat like crazy (i'm a photographer), want to not be tired ALL THE TIME, and i don't want to hear things from my mom like "your grandma is afraid for you, she is scared she will outlive you."

and maybe the best way to start is to own up to myself. i overate today, and i am struggling to not continue to do so. i had a bean burrito, a chicken quesadilla, and a cheesy gordita crunch for lunch. then i ate plain spaghetti with shredded cheese and a piece of cake for dinner. i'm afraid i won't be able to break this cycle.

Negative self-talk will lead to negative actions. You need to change the messages you are giving yourself. You are making excuses about why you will fail, to set yourself up for failure.

You say you don't have money for food except for frozen pizza and canned goods and yet you bought a pretty hefty lunch. Why didn't you buy fruit and yogurt instead?

I'm sorry...I wish I could make this easier, but we all have a chocolate cross to bear here.

I forgot to mention I went to taco bell, which is massively cheap, I spent like $5. The problem with buying things like fruit and yogurt is that they only "stay" with me for an hour or two. So I spent $5 on something that kept me full for about 6 hours as opposed to $5 on something that would have me hungry again in an hour or 2. I tried eating fruit and yogurt for meals, for how hungry I get afterward it seems like a waste of money. I wouldn't have even gone there, but I forgot to eat before I left (had a 2 hour drive) and needed to eat something.

I'm not trying to make excuses (I realize these are excuses), but when I try to do these things the right way, I end up starving and then spending even more money.

I know that this lunch wasn't a good decision, but I honestly don't know how else to do this. If I have to eat on the road, what do I eat that will keep me satisfied and not cost a lot of money?

By the end of the day I consumed about 240 more calories than I should have. Not the worst I have ever done, but I'm still not happy about it.

I'm sorry I am not trying to be defensive, I've just tried so much of this before and it hasn't worked. I know a lot of my failures are due to my own inability to hold myself accountable, but some of these things just honestly don't work for me. In high school I tried eating fruit and yogurt for breakfast, within a few hours, by lunch time, I would be so hungry I would eat anything I could get my hands on.

I'm not asking for it to be easy, I am just wanting to be able to actually do these things that I should be able to do.

And I'm not trying to put you on the defensive...or be a meanie. I understand what it's like to not be able to stick to a plan when your head isn't in it. I have spent many years telling myself I couldn't do it. I wish I knew the answer to how to get your head in the right place. Eating the right foods in the right amounts shouldn't leave you feeling hungry. You should still be able to lose weight, just maybe a little slower than you were hoping for. If that means you stay on plan and eventually lose, isn't it worth it?

I know when I start a new eating plan, it helps me to do a liquid fast for a couple of days to get past the hunger pangs. I use V8 juice. That might not work for others. I also try to use positive self-talk, like when I get hungry at night and know I can't eat any more that day. Instead of saying "Oh poor me, I'm so hungry, this is so hard", I say to myself "hey...these hunger pangs are really a good thing. this means I'm losing weight". It actually works.

For eating when you are away from home, it's probably best to pack your lunch. Make sure you take your snacks with you too, and a water bottle.

Hey beauty,

Clearly, you know that you are making excuses about some things--so what you really want is to find your way out of this trap you're in. I hope I can point in a useful direction...

Look at it as day by day, minute by minute decisions. Was Taco Bell the best choice for a meal out? If it was the ONLY choice you had, what about choosing other items than those you ate? The Fresco menu is an option, and so is simply not eating as much.

What I'm hearing is, "I have to have all this fattening food or I get too hungry." Well, it is possible to eat weight-loss-friendly foods in amounts that are satisfying, and also to eat more frequently. That takes planning. You may need to sit down and figure out meals and snacks ahead of time, so you are not at the mercy of wherever you happen to be, or whatever someone else has prepared.

I realize that living in your fiance's parent's house can be limiting, but spaghetti and a piece of cake for dinner? Hm. See, it's not a choice between fruit and yogurt, vs. spaghetti and a piece of cake. Or rather, it doesn't have to be. Fruit and yogurt doesn't work for anyone, as far as I know, unless it's a snack to be followed in 2 hours by a more substantial meal. This choice as a meal is kind of a setup for failing.

Suppose you bought some chicken breasts in bulk, for example--and froze some of them, cooked the rest, and had them handy to take with you or eat as a meal, either as a sandwich, or sliced up with a salad, or with other vegetables. You could even cook up a bunch as an offering for dinner for everyone.

And then there is water packed tuna--relatively inexpensive, and you can have a whole can by yourself if you want. Leave out the mayo and choose something like salsa instead. Low-fat cottage cheese is another very helpful food that you can use in a lot of ways.

Beauty, try to start thinking in terms of what you can do, rather than what you can't. Even if things haven't worked in the past, be willing to consider how to change them so they do work.

Hang in there! You are still young... it's a LOT easier to change this now than later on...

Jay