Just asking- Anyone out there that feel their spouse takes part in previous diets failing?? My husband is a wonderful person but I want to put blame on him for many of my failed weight loss attempts. He wants to take me out to dinner all the time. I try to eat healthy at home then he will have something in our relax time like ice cream or chips- and offer to me like it's no biggie, so then I am usually giving in like it's no biggie back!! He is in shape and not overweight at all. I think that it is hard for someone to understand my situation unless you have walked in these shoes! I need willpower and until I am able to say no, I want that junk out of my house! I don't know how to talk to him about changing his habits for me. Is that selfish? Has anyone ever had to talk to a spouse about their eating habits when your the one with the problem??

my husband is one of the unhealthiest eaters i know. i've tried to get him to eat healthier for his health not b/c i feel like he's sabotaging me. if we r watching tv and he's having doritos and i want some i count out 12 i know that's one serving and 140 cals. i just work it in.

I've gained a lot of weight since moving in with my partner. He is lovely, but eats so much stuff that I can't get away with eating. I told him last week that seriously the bread needs to go, can you please support me on this, so he managed about 1 day and then went out and bought a pack and hid it from me. When I've tried to cook healthy for myself and let him cook his own food, he's started moaning that we never eat the same foods anymore, like it's some kind of emotional issue and I tried to say well look at least we eat at the same time Just have to stay strong, because I'm doing this for me, and I'm the overweight one and he's not.

I think you just have to be direct about it, and tell him how much it would help you, and ask if he would be willing to help you out a bit. Ask him not to offer you things, because you'll get for yourself what you want to have. A lot of guys really just don't understand, and they're just trying to be nice, or at least just going with what they're used to.

I know what you mean because my roommates keep junk food in the house and offer it to me all the time! Like other posters have said, I think you can do two things... one, ask him not to buy those things or as much of those things, and two, ask him not to offer it to you.

You MUST talk with him. If you want his help (directly or indirectly) then he will only know if you actually bring it up.

Tell him what you need from him, tell him that you want his help:

1) Please only take me out for dinner 1 night a week/ Once every other week / only for special occasions.

2) I have a hard time saying no, so when you have a snack, as nice as you're trying to be, please please please do not offer it to me.

3) The junk food in the house. I realize that I'm the one having a problem controlling myself, but I desperately need your help. I'm no longer buying any for the time being. If you happen to buy some for yourself, please keep it in the cabinet above the fridge where I can't see it/ in a drawer that I rarely go into/ in your car so I never even knew you had it.

It isn't selfish to ask for what you want. It's necessary.

There's SO much I have to say on this topic just because of my own experiences. First off, it is not selfish at all to talk to him about how the both of you can work this out so that you can become a healthier happier you. He will be supportive I'm sure. Then, it's a whole lot of willpower that comes into play, it will grow stronger and stronger I swear. I'll just give a breakdown of how my fiance and I have been able to compromise -- a lot of tips I picked up from the ladies right here on 3fc. I'll try to make it to the point...
- Very little to no junk food in the house that can set off a binge. (chips, cookies, chocolate... ice cream is allowed because I can go without it)
- One "cheat" dinner a week at a restaurant (this has saved us lots of $$$ too!)
- He can ask me whether I would like to share whatever he's having, like wine, but he is to only ask me once. If I say no, end of story. He still feels comfortable to partake in his treat and I only need to keep my willpower going strong enough for one test.
-If we have to eat different things for dinner, so be it. If I don't/can't force him to have my super healthy food, he can't force me to have his junky food.

It'll take time to get into your own groove but you will find a happy middle ground. What helped me get on the right track finally was to recognize that it wasn't him sabotoging my efforts - it was me.

I am so glad someone brought this up!!!

My fiance unintentionally sabotages me all the time. I rarely have unhealthy food in the house, but I recently sent him to the store for ice cream because we both just quit smoking and had a horrible sweets craving. Sweets cravings come exactly once a month for me in the form of chocolate (if ya know what I'm sayin') and he happily follows right along with my craving. He loves sweets like crazy!!!

So last night, I told him after dinner, "By the way, you can't have ice cream tonight" and he just looked at me like I kicked his puppy or something!

I explained that he was going to make me want some to if he had ice cream and I didn't want to have to fight that whole thing off, so after feeling a bit guilty, I gave him the 3 mini 100 calorie "diet" cookies I had squirreled away for myself!

Then today I told him how I really need him to be supportive and careful of what he wants for dinner or at the store. I have always had a problem with doing what he likes in the way of food cuz I like him to be happy! I then apologized for any suffering he may be have to endure and promised it would be worth it

My husband does the same thing. He's tall and a normal weight and can eat what he wants when he wants so he assumes I will too. He workd super hard so he works it all off. I sit at work all day and don't. He loves me for who I am and tell me so all the time but he also loves when the wight falls off. He would never tell me I CAN'T have something but he knows better than to push it in my face anymore. I don't stop buying it all together because my kids and hubby aren't fat and they like a treat every now and then. Just because I can't have it doesn't mean that they can't.

Just try talking to him and tell him how you feel about him pushing it on you all the time. He'll understand.

ive found myself getting really angry at my fiance this last week when he comes home and makes microwave pizza.. or sits down next to me with a can of honey toffee peanuts.. or to really yummy pb&j's. But you have to remember.. its NOT their fault we are in this situattion.. its ours.. we are going to be around food that tempts us all our lives.. if we cant learn to deal now.. we never will. He isnt trying to sabotage you.. he just doesnt think of it like you do, probably because he isnt the one going through it. I think we both have to cut our men some slack.

Thats how i see it anywas.. i want to do this.. so no amount of junk food in my house is gonna make me fail..AFter all its just food.. lying in the pantry, wich i can ignore.. it hads no power over me.

More so than ever I feel the same way about my boyfriend. For the past year he's been working away and home every 3 weeks for one week....he's off work now until March and some days it is so difficult living with someone who can eat whatever. For instance, last night I got home at 430...he is INSISTING we go to A&W (somewhere we never eat)....and even had a coupon he found for me with a grilled chicken and salad combo..yes very thoughtful however once I got home and read the nutritional info it was still over 300 calories..So I was angry at myself for giving in to him and at him for trying so hard to get me to go out by even finding a "healthy" alternative I could have....although honestly I did enjoy it thoroughly.

He is a HUGE snacker and loves potatoe chips. I will have a few but it is difficult knowing they're in the cupboard.

It's sad in a way but I'm looking forward to him going away again just so I can be in total control of what I eat...and I can have a tuna wrap or salad for supper without having to think about if he wants to eat it or not. Often we will make our own suppers simply because what he cooks isn't the healthiest and I just don't like his cooking..(even when I was larger and ate whatever I didn't like it..lol)

In another town closeby there is a takeout that he absolutely loves..however it's the ultimate greasy spoon type of food. I said to him he could get it if we bring it home for him to eat and I'll just get something of my own. We had a major argument over this because it would be cold when we got home and not so good. (GOD forbid if a man had to wait 10 minutes until they could eat the food right in front of him). I ended up giving in and just got a clubhouse sandwich with no bacon. That is the angriest he's ever made me and after that I told him if he EVER wants it he'll be going alone or taking it home.
I guess thats why he had looked so hard to find something healthy last night at A&W.

Sorry to babble....I don't think it's selfish for you to talk to him about changing his habits for you...ultimately it would be making both of you healthier. I hope you would have greater luck than I've had..lol!

My dh doesn't get at all why people just can't say no, or why people complain they are over weight. He doesn't get at all the emotional attachments to food and why poeple over do it. It's a bloody epidemic folks and he doesn't even realize. It's as simple as dieting. (For him) He decides to drop ten pounds its done. Simple as that, I struggle and struggle. It's a different mentality for some of them. Luckily I ignore that side of him and keep plugging along.

I have the same problem, but thankfully we don't live together as that would be torture! My problems only come on the weekend when he is around.

For example, for the past few years Friday night we love to have Chinese food. It's late, we're both tired from working, it's SO EASY to pick up and I absolutely love it. Then, Saturday we're out all day and get sooo hungry we end up stopping somewhere bad like KFC (where I try to make the healthiest choice I can, but sometimes...you know...poutine happens to get in the takeout bag somehow).

Then, Saturday night is USUALLY okay, but even if we eat healthy he'll bring out jelly candies or chips or something. Sunday, is usually the same as Saturday save the night eating as that's when he drops me off.

I told him - I am STOPPING this behavior. This is ridiculous and I can never lose weight if we keep this up. But he loves food just as much as me and can EASILY persuade me to have Chinese food and his famous saying is "oh, just live a little will you".

ARGH!!!!

So...I have to plan ahead for the fight -- Saturdays are usually good now. We share a sub from Quizno's for lunch during the day and make our own sushi at night. Sunday is the same.

it's Friday night that is going to be sooo hard.

~CGH~

How about preparing your own healthy snacks and eating them while he is eating his chips? Like veggies and a yummy dip or popcorn. Both things that are filling and you can eat way more of than chips. Or having some chocolate ice milk (sooooo good, totally rivals ice cream) while he's eating his ice cream? And then after you're done your snack you'll probably be full, but you can have a small amount of chips or whatever if you still want it and be able to not go overboard. Honestly I have very little willpower, I totally rely on having snacks ready to go for those moments of weakness, and it usually works.

My husband and I are both severely overweight and both trying to lose weight, but our trigger foods are different, and so are some of our sanity saver "treats." Our eating style is very different also, as I tend to eat small, frequent meals, and he likes to have at least one fairly substantial meal.

Even with both of us trying to lose weight, trying to be food cop for each other, just doesn't work. I think compromises can help (please don't eat x in front of me, please don't ask me to eat x with you.....) but the compromise has to be such that the person dieting and the person not dieting (or in our case, dieting differently) both have full control over their own choices. Having someone tell you what you can and can't eat, whether it's for your own good or for theirs, tends to feel just as crummy as having someone push food on you when you're dieting. If you can find a way to compromise that doesn't make one or both of you feel bad, more power to you. My husband and I couldn't, so we had to agree that we're each responsible for what goes into our own mouths.