Hi there My name is Amanda and I'm (almost) new to the forums. I joined last year but only posted a few times. I've always had this feeling that if I'm not losing weight, I shouldn't be posting on the forum. So I ended up just returning to lurking but I wanted to come back and take part this time.

A little about me, I'm 25 and currently weigh 315 lbs, which is my highest weight ever. I (of course!) love food, and since I live alone it's SO easy to eat a ton of junk, things and amounts that I would never eat in public! When I moved into my apartment at 18, I weighed about 200lbs. I thought that was horrible, but what I wouldn't give to see that number on the scale now! I did fairly well for a while, but then I discovered 'delivery.' One simple call and all that glorious food would show up right at my door! For a while I would order one meal every few weeks, and cook or eat at work the rest of the time. Over the years I discovered that I could order TWO meals...IF I ordered two drinks! Somehow I thought this would make things ok, that I could have more junk, but people (strangers!) would think that I was ordering for two people. (not that I TRUELY think they were fooled, but it's a little lie I like to tell myself) So, here I am ordering several times a week, and running up my credit cards to do it. I have NEVER before held a credit card balance, but last year I REALLY let myself get out of control and I'm going to have to work quite hard to right things. I learned about "the daily plate" reading a thread here on 3fc, and just for curiousity I added up my foods on the day I found it. I was HORRIFIED to see that on that particular day I'd consumed more than 5,000 calories, and over 400% of the recommended daily sodium. O-o I know I don't eat that badly EVERY day, but lately It's probably 3 days a week that I consume that much. I don't want to do this anymore.

Reasons for finally putting my foot down are many, but the main one in particular is that I reciently realized that I'm 25 years old and I move like I'm 80. I can't get the mail (one flight of stairs in my apartment) without being out of breath. The last 6 months my lower back has hurt almost constantly, even while just laying in bed trying to sleep. My knees are starting to hurt, my right one in particular makes a 'crunch' sound each time I take a large step...not something a 25 year old knee should be doing! The real kicker is looking in my closet, and literally only being able to wear about 5% of what is in there. I am ashamed to say that I have two pairs of pants for the entire winter, nothing else fits. I went to walmart the other day to get a new pair of jeans, and....they didn't have one pair that fit me. I'd grabbed the biggest they offered and was just about in tears in the dressing room when I couldn't get them on. I can't even find shoes anymore, my feet are so swollen that I couldn't find any sandals this year that would go on my foot. I know that's all that sodium I love so much.

I know in my heart that if I don't start living my life in a healthy way, that I'll probably be disabled withen 10 years. I need to make the changes NOW while I still have the ability, to learn how to think of food as a fuel and not a comfort. Not a diet, but a lifestyle that I can be proud of. I just, don't know where to start. I've tried before, but food and binging is like a magnet to me. I love to read about weightloss, I KNOW what to do, I just haven't been able to do it yet. I thought that if I were accountable, and had the support of other people dealing with the same things, that this time might be MY time.

So, that's me. I'm sorry for typing so much, I just want to involve myself this time so I feel like I'm a part of this 3fc community.

Welcome Kitsey! I hope you will find sucess through baby steps you can live with for a life time.

Welcome to the site! It seems as if we have similiar starting weights and similiar age as well!

Just take small steps, even reading articles on the board will help because you will learn how to deal with things step-by-step. Look foward to seeing you post!

Thank you 5aday and RN! I'm looking forward to taking things slowly and learning how to change my bad habits!

Welcome, Amanda!

I could relate to so much of what you wrote. I gained most of my weight after I moved out and lived alone. I too would "sneak" food by ordering two drinks and then eating it all alone. Right now my closet is full of clothes I can't wear. Before Christmas I went to the plus size section and grabbed 3 pairs of pants in the biggest size they have and bought them without trying them on... none of them fit. Talk about a wake up call!

I know what to do to lose weight. For me, it's planning my meals, journalling everything I eat and planning time for exercise. But there is just so much emotion tangled in with that seemingly easy plan. So many failed attempts, remembering the times I felt constrained by making healthy and sensible choices instead of focusing on the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. And, the fact that it's going to be a long, hard process.

Good luck!

Welcome, welcome, WELCOME!

I like the idea of making small changes. I mean you could approach this as a weekly method to support change. Making those small changes in your meal plans can really make a difference.

[QUOTE=RN BSN 2009;2533070]Welcome to the site! It seems as if we have similiar starting weights and similiar age as well![QUOTE]

Me too...although I'm a bit heavier (333- started at 350)...and 23...but hey, who's counting?!? Living alone is going to make it harder to lost the weight, just like it was easier to gain. But, do you have any friends or coworkers that are overweight that might be willing to support you in return for support of them? I am losing weight with my fiance, and I think that makes the biggest difference in the world. As long as one of us is strong, we push the other to remain strong when we are having weak moments. The only downfall is if both of us are feeling weak at the same time...lol. Then we both go down together and eat crap. But so far that hasn't happened much. Sorry, that was a tangent.

But I really do think you should try and find someone physically close to you, in addition to 3FC, to be a workout buddy or just someone you can call up when you are having a bad day or accomplished something great. Don't turn back to food as your support. Just my advice for you.

I think you will do great and you really sound like you've reached a turning point. Keep posting...even if you're not losing weight!!! This board is a good motivator and at times inspirational.

Thank you for the welcome everyone!

Molly-I know it sounds silly but it feels so good to hear someone else going through the exact same crazy things I've done. I knew comming here would be good, there isn't another place I'd ever admit to 'sneaking' food, etc. I'm so sorry that we both got so good at doing it! Oh wow, that must have been such an awful feeling getting home with those 3 pairs of pants that didn't fit! It will be so satisfying when you're not only wearing them, but getting rid of them because they are too big!

I think planning meals and journaling is a very good idea, I know that I should carry a little notebook and write down EVERYTHING I eat, because I have no problem now just popping something in my mouth without even realizing it. I know that also adds up a lot. I totally agree with the emotion involved with food and losing weight, I am one of those people that says "Bad day? You deserve a pizza." Spend all day cleaning? "You deserve ____" I know what I REALLY deserve is to be healthy, but It's just so hard to change the way you've thought for 20 years.

Purpleorc-Good for you for having the strength to change your habits before it was too late! You've lost 120 pounds already? What in inspiration! That's exactly what we 'starters' need to see, that people just like us can and HAVE succeeded! I like your ideas for changing things that you are familiar with to a healthier version, still being able to enjoy what you like without having to resort to eating cardboard diet foods :P I've made a few changes lately, such as getting broiled fish on fridays instead of the normal 2 piece of deep fried, switched from butter to Smart Balance, found out that I'm enjoying those 'spray' salad dressings instead of the creamy bottled dressings-I should look at ground turkey instead of beef-I'm not sure I've ever had ground turkey but I imagine it would be just as good. I know one of my biggest problems is meal times, I don't quite have them. I don't eat breakfast (I KNOW I should!) and throughout the day I'll just eat whenever I want, even if it's an hour before dinner O-o I think portion control and counting calories is the way to go for me, I don't want to ever get into the "you can't have that food" deal again, because as soon as I say I can't have it, that is JUST what I want. :P

Jacquie-Thank you! I think you are right on about small changes, it sounds a lot more doable than trying to be a totally different person all in one day! I think that the first changes I need to incorporate are eating a small breakfast, and drinking water. I'm terrible about drinking, sometimes it will be 4pm before I realize I haven't had anything to drink all day O-o

Tcsmart-Unfortunately I don't know anyone else in the same shoes, there isn't anyone who I could be accountable with in RL. That's also part of my problem, the more weight I've gained, the more I close myself off. I pretty much to go work and come home, I don't really have many friends and my dearest friends are wonderful people, but are healthy weight and live in other states. That's great that you and your fiance can support each other, I can see how that would make things a lot more manageable! I'll just have to do my best though, and try to include myself here on 3fc and perhaps make some friends that I can be accountable too. I think your exercise ticker is a great idea! I am not sure what to do as far as exercise goes, I have a WATP DVD that I should dust off and start using!

Thanks for the welcome everyone, I really appreciate it!