OK, yeah... I guess one could say I still have an eating disorder as that is what got me to 320 lbs. I hope this post doesn't trigger anyone how has struggled with an eating disorder, but I just had to vent.

I was bulimic for over 10 years. In and out of counseling. I wasn't underweight, but my lowest weight was abut 125 -- which looked very thin on my frame. I only finally managed to stop binging and purging when my husband and I decided to start a family. It took time, but I finally gave it up completely... and when I looked at the scale I was at 225. Yikes. Then two years later another 100 lbs.

I miss purging... it sounds horrible I know. I always thought when I gave up the eating disorder, I'd lose weight. I guess because counselors told me many recovered bulimics lose weight. Well... not me. I'm an ex-bulimics worst nightmare. It is so hard to not go back to old ways.

I have ordered something called "Full Bars" and I am hoping they may help me to not eat so much at once. We'll see... I've joined the biggest loser challenge, so I hope that helps with motivation.

But ug... when I eat a huge bowl of ice cream, it takes every bit of willpower to not purge. Has anyone else gone though an eating disorder? Part of me wants so badly to go back to my old ways, but another part of me knows I shouldn't and I can't. ACK.. I'm sure I'm not making sense.

Thanks for listening to my rambling...

My eating disorder was my best friend for years and years and years. When I started on the road to recovery, I missed it too. I went through all the classic stages of grief. I felt like I had lost the closest person to me. So, yeah, I totally understand.

I have suffered from an overeating binging disorder for the past couple of years... I come from a family where my mom suffered from anorexia for years as well as my older sister and my oldest sister was a model and was told at 5'8" and 130lbs that she needed to lose weight. Anyway, I went the opposite direction and instead binge ate.. I would go off by myself and eat 2 meals by myself in my car. It was my refuge. I read a quote by Mary J. Blige somewhere, "What you eat in private shows up in public" and it stuck with me... So, I decided to get help. I started seeing my new doctor and am on prozac for depression/anxiety/OCPD and strattera for ADD... I apparently obsess over things and strive for perfection because of my OCPD and ruminate things repeatedly so with the OCPD and ADD together.. along with my genetic predisposition.. I ballooned fairly quickly. Anyway, I lost 25lbs in a month just from the lack of bingeing.. I never went through the bulimia like you, but mine was because I was worried about ruining my 'perfect teeth'.. I didn't care about my esophagus or my organs.. just my teeth. Sad huh? ...But yeah, I know where you're coming from. It's a long road... and they say once you're an addict, you've always got that addiction you just have to learn how to cope and learn ways to manage.. so thats what I'm trying to do.

Best of luck.