Ladies,

I've been thinking about this for a while, but I realized this morning that it was probably time for me to go. Those who may have visited my blog will know that I called it '... not a joiner' because that's fairly accurate. I do sometimes have a tendency to be a little blunt, and those I call friends in real life, generally appreciate it. I'm never intentionally mean, but if someone wants my opinion, they will get it. When I tell people I like something, or that I'm impressed, it's because I truly believe it.

This morning I know I made another poster here uncomfortable. And for that I'm very sorry. ssflbelle - I do hope you will participate in the challenge here. I am truly not representative of the group of women here. Debbie, as she might not be back to read this, consider sending her a PM.

That said, I do stand behind what I posted. I know that the 'diet people' always have studies that back up their product. The thing is that I don't think that any of us got to where we are eating 1000 calories a day, and I don't think we'll get back there by doing the same thing.

I really do believe that the diet industry in general simply take advantage of people who are desperate to lose weight at any cost. I've seen a couple of estimates that Americans will spend 30 billion on programs and products. And yet, as a nation, people continue to gain weight. (Okay, I'm Canadian, but we have the same issues.) This tells me one thing - most of these programs are only good for one thing... making money. Yes, some people will succeed. However, some people will succeed on almost any plan. Give 1000 people a plan to follow and one or two will do well. Then use those two people to convince another 2000 to sign up and off you go. Then, when others fail, convince them that it's their fault. Since it couldn't the the program, right?

As you can see, I really wonder about the overall state of the diet industry. And I'm not the type of person to stay quiet about it. Since I know that the best part of 3FC is the supportive environment, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not as supportive as I should be. ie. I've probably done more harm than good here today.

On that note I think I'm going to take off. Maybe for a while, maybe for good. I haven't really decided yet. Since I'll be back in school in a little over a week I'll get back to the 'no time' situation I was in last semester, so it's probably more permanent than not. I've been drifting off for a while, so it's more likely a continuation of a trend already started. I'm definitely not stopping the weight loss track. If anything, I'm more on track than I've been in a while.

So, before I go, please know that you are a fantastic group of people. I truly hope that you all eventually meet, and maintain your weight loss. And that somewhere along the way you find a way of living that you enjoy. Take care all.

Hey Anne, I just poked my head in here to wish you a very happy birthday! I know you have been one of my inspirations on 3FC. My very best wishes to you today and through the year. I'll miss your posts, but I can understand.

Anne, before you take off, I hope you will go to the 100 lb Club and read a post called, "A blast from the past..." I think it might make you feel better. We can all learn from our mistakes, apologize for them, and - hopefully - move on. You have done an amazing job on your weight loss, and I wish you all the best!

Hi Anne, you don't know me and I don't know you, but I wanted to tell you before you leave that I think it's important for people to speak their minds and offer their best advice on a forum like this. I read the thread you are speaking of and I don't see where you said anything out of line. We can't always know how another will take the words that we have to offer, all we can do is offer them from our heart and that's what it seems to me that you did. As individuals we are all bound to react differntly to different things. I would like to say, DON'T GO. This place has obviously been great for your weight loss successes. I looked at your photos. You are doing a great job and that takes a tremendous amount of discipline. Some of the best support on the internet is right here on this board. You belong here with the rest of us. If you think you rubbed someone the wrong way, then apologize and move forward. It's all that any of us can do. I hope you reconsider leaving. This lifeline is important to all of us and so are you!

You know what, you are welcome to go if you want to, but I am really going to miss you if you do. I too am direct and blunt (though not as much here since written communication can be misinterpreted) and I too feel that the diet industry is just taking advantage of people who are desperate and confused by all the misinformation out there. In fact, I think I am more "radical" in thoughts about food and proper nutrition than you are.

As you know, I have an eating disorder and my way of dealing with it is to NOT regulate food - at all. Most of the people here would faint if they saw that there are days where I start my day with a McDonalds breakfast, and other times when I order a cheese burger and fries at a restaurant and that often my pantry has a box of oreo cookies in it AND that I EAT said cookies if the mood strikes. And, most heretical of all I don't feel bad or guilty with any of these behaviors. My rules are: "eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full." As long as I follow these, and fulfilling my exercise commitments to myself, I am OP. That is I am on MY program.

As you also know, my weight loss goals are modest. That is, I DO have an extra 150 lbs on my frame and I want to lose most, if not all, of those pounds. But I am modest as to the rate of weight loss. If I lose 150 lbs in the next 4-5 years, I'm going to be super happy. If it takes me longer, then it does. Weight loss is not my first priority - continuing with path on recovery is. My priorities are, in this order:

* avoid behaviors that lead to binge eating. this includes regulating foods, and denying cravings, among others.
* exercise on a consistent basis, increasing challenges as my body gets fitter.
* focus on what my body craves and choose meals that include those foods (for example I've been eating salmon with every meal for over a week cuz that is the only protein I'm craving right now. so be it.eggs, chicken, beef and tofu will come when I feel like eating them).
* lose weight

I woke up this morning thinking about my fellow 3FC chickies. I feel awful for those people who struggle with their eating. I remember feeling shame, distress, and horrible disappointment in myself when I ate "something I shouldn't." I thought there was something wrong with me for "not having the discipline/willpower/etc." I was there for many, many years. I went from restricting to over eating to restricting to over eating. It rendered me increasingly fat and overweight and feeling worse about myself year after year. It has taken me 4 years of REALLY HARD WORK to change those mental patterns, feelings, and behaviors. And, I have proof in my own life that the path I am now on is the right one for me and it's the one that has been right for hundreds and hundreds of others. I am 95% FREE from food obsessions and want EVERYONE to be in the same place. I wish I could yell from the rooftops that this is the right way to go...but I know some people will not agree, others will misunderstand and do the opposite of what I'm advocating, and yet others aren't ever going to consider thinking about my approach.

I know, I KNOW, that the advice you often give about people not eating below 1200 calories is RIGHT. I KNOW that you are right when you say that someone who weighs 300 lbs should eat at least 2,000 calories daily, if not more. I also know that you are being helpful; that you are looking out for the other person's well-being and health. Your intentions my dear are spot on. And I applaud you for them.

The thing in life, and the thing with weight loss, is that you cannot expect people to understand/accept your advice, no matter how correct your advice is. Some people are not ready to hear it and maybe never will. My idea of being supportive is to bring awareness to others. If someone is following a behavior that I know is detrimental to them, supporting them to continue in said behavior is NOT being supportive.

You have done nothing wrong.

I know school is starting soon and you'll be super busy. Still, I'd like to have you check in with us when time permits.

Best wishes to you in 2009 and beyond.

Anne -- I won't try to change your mind about leaving -- you shouldn't stay if you aren't getting what you want out of the site, for whatever reason. But please don't leave if you think you aren't wanted here -- to the contrary!!!

Anne, Please, please don't go. You have a right to your opinion and the right to express it. If others don't like what you have to say they can put you on their ignore list. No biggie there. Of course I want you to stay for selfish reasons, you have encouraged me TREMENDOUSLY! You only speak the truth.
Please reconsider. You are a valuable asset to this site and I consider you a friend.
With great respect,
Sandy

Anne: I hope that you don't leave forever but I want you to know how truly special and wonderful you are. Hugs and so many blessings to you. I wish you all the very best and hope to see you around here again. I agree with what everyone else said, we all have our opinions and I honestly don't see anything wrong with what you said. Just my opinion.

Blessings to you,
Annie

Hey all. I told a couple of people that I'd come back and post something, so I'll make it short.

midwife - thanks - the funny thing is that I don't feel 43

chunkydunkin - I'll take a minute and read the thread, but I'm only really sorry for how I made someone feel, not in what I said. I'm not sure that makes sense, but I'll talk about that later.

That's kind of the crux of the issue. I honestly believe that eating under 1000 calories a day, at any weight - but especially when you're over 300lbs, is not smart. Everyone has to set their own levels, and some would freak out over how much I eat each day. I'm still able to lose weight on 2000+ a day, and long may it last.

I've been on the low-cal, high exercise style of weight loss. It left me with thinning hair, no energy once I came home from work (a job on my feet all day), and eventually unable to fight off simple infections. Oh, and that included cheating on it when I couldn't control myself. Yes, I lost weight, but not in a way I could ever have sustained it.

You'll see so many women here talking about baby steps. And that really is what it's about. Making small, sustainable changes. I too (in the past) have bought into the concept that 'if I could only lose the weight quickly' I could keep it off afterwards. You know something, it only left me heavier in the end.

So, ramble over for the moment. I've got a week before I'm back to classes. I've still got a list of things I want to try and get done, so I think I will step back a bit and do that. I was pretty quiet up until now anyway. I'll make a point to stop by and say hello every now and then though. Honest.

(I did take my post out of the biggest loser challenge, but I'll likely come back and add my minutes... just because I like to see the numbers add up!)

Anne,

I have not read the post you speak of..OR I read it and didnt take it the way the other person did. Either way i really hope that you don't leave forever! Sometimes written stuff is taken the wrong way by others. It is all about interpetation. I don't know anyone on this thread that has any mean intentions! And sometimes being supportive means telling the truth and our opinions even when others don't agree or son't want to hear it. Anyhow, if you are not posting daily I DO hope you will visit often!!!! I love all my 3FC friends!

Anne, so sorry to see you leave. I really wish you wouldn't go since you've been on here so long an such an inspiration to me over the months. I admire you for your determination and grit and I think it would be a great loss to all of us if you don't continue posting. Please reconsider!!
If we can't change your mind though, I wish you continued success on your weight loss and in school.
hugs
Debbie

I hope you reconsider and stay. I don't know you, but I think if you have an opinion then you should express it.

I think that we all have our beliefs and we all know and/or are learning what is best for us as individuals. If someone offers their point of view then to me that is what it is, a point of view. I may disagree, but that is not to say that I am not listening.

Besides if we all had the same thoughts and opinions then the world wouldn't be as interesting as it is. So, stay!