i hope it's okay i put this in this forum, it seemed like this would be the best place to talk about this though?

anyways, i was wondering if anyone one else here had an eating disorder and if so, how do they deal with it and lose weight?

when i was around six or so some stuff happened that was really hard for me to deal with and because i couldn't talk to anyone about what had happened i turned to food as a way to comfort myself. over the next couple years what started out as a not-so-good way to cope with my feelings grew to be something that i couldn't control anymore. in middle school i discovered how to make myself vomit, and i thought it was the coolest thing in the world, i could eat whatever i wanted and i could bring it all back up. when my mom found out i was doing that i was sent to an inpatient treatment center (i'd been there before for self injury) and my psychiatrist diagnosed me with an eating disorder. since then i've been going from healthy eating and exercising, to binging and purging everything and then not eating anything until i binged again, or binging all the time and not purging at all, like i've been doing for the past month.

i was kind of wondering how i should go about getting out of this binging cycle, and once i do get out of it how i should continue eating healthy and exercising, instead of binging again after a couple weeks of good eating.

Hi Sammi and

I'm going to move this thread to "chicks in control" I believe thats the forum you are looking for. I have no doubt the ladies there can offer you the support you are looking for. They are WONDERFUL !!!!

I'm so glad you joined us here at 3FC's. No matter where you wonder on the boards your going to meet lots of new friends.

Leenie

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You might not like this, but it is my honest opinion backed up by my own experience and the writings of medical professionals I've come across.

I don't think you can try and get over bulimia/COE behaviours and lose weight at the same time. One first, then the other. EDs almost by definition are about attempting to manage your weight in an unhealthy way (I know that doesn't cause it, but the behaviours relate to weight and distress about it) so trying to break that, and also lose weight on a "normal diet" at the same time, is pretty near impossible.

Ideally, you'd stop the binge cycle with methods such as working on anxiety, working on coping skills, and improving body image. Then and only then would you decide on an appropriate and healthy goal weight and a healthy means of getting there, and you'd go on to eat healthily for life. Ideally. It isn't that simple, of course, it can take a very very long time and ED thoughts can linger for..well, sometimes I suspect for life. Hopefully not though. After 7 + years I want a break from them.

A good start - sorry for getting off the point there, but thought it was necessary background - is to try and stop thinking in black and white. Is "good eating" only good if its perfect? Is "fairly sensible" good enough for you or is only perfection good enough? If you have a couple of treats one day, that doesn't make it a bad day that undoes all the exercise you did and vegetables you ate. It's fine.

For every restriction, there is an equal and opposite binge. The way to crack it is to overcome the anxiety associated with moderate "treat food" intake..and to cope with the boredom that a life without bingeing brings.

The latter might seem a rather weird point, but I think that EDs fill up so much of our headspace - I know mine is largely so I don't have to sit with my very active brain all the flamin' time - and this head-filler is hard to quit. There will be a void. There certainly was when I quit binge eating. With the happiness of quitting came a quiet despairing boredom - being sad about being fat and eating too much took up a lot of time. Without it, I was free to reflect on myself i.e what I don't like about my life.

Even with a relationship, uni, a job and voluntary work this sneaks up on me big style and I still indulge in a lot of ED thinking. It is a very long hard road, but you know that already.

This probably wasn't much use but I just wanted to reach out and sympathise a bit?

Lastly, when I quit I kept a food diary for 6 months. In the beginning I had a few binges, I wrote them all down. When I had stopped bingeing for about 3 months, only then did I feel safe without the diary. It worked for me at any rate.

I wish I had some good advice for you but I am struggling with that same thing and I am having a hard time switching from that to eating moderately and healthy. Good luck to you.

manson, I'm right where you are (except I tend toward the "starve" mode, rather than purging). I don't have the answers, but there seems to be lots of good advice and understanding here.

Cousin, you're right about the ED filling head space. My brain never seems to slow down or shut up, and - yes - the ED takes care of that. I never thought much about that, but how interesting. Also, "for every restriction, there's an equal and opposite binge." Now THAT'S food for thought (excuse the pun!).

i have actually studied this in school... eating disorders are very closely related to addiction. it is actually a rush when you binge and purge. a head shrinker may be able to help a little more but the first place is to make peace with your past and be humbled by it. i know i make it sound very simple.. its not. you are not alone in your plight. and i will say an extra prayer for you tonight

CousinRockingChair said exactly what i was thinking. My ed came back worse than ever after starting to lose weight and its a ***** to kick.

thanks leenie. i'm glad you moved this to the best place. i'm sorry i didn't put it in the right forum in the first place. but i'll know from now on to put things like that in here.

**sigh**

i know you are right, cousinrockingchair. i guess i just don't want to believe it. i wish i could just eat healthy and have the ed go away. but i know that's not reasonable thinking. i'm trying to work on my ed with my therapist, but it's really hard, i feel so embarrassed telling her when i have b/p episodes and when i restrict and everything. it makes me feel inadequate, like i'm less of a person, cuz i can't eat regularly like everyone else, which then makes me angry and i binge again. -_-

but anyways, i definately agree with what you said about when you do try to stop the ed behaviors and your head starts to feel so empty... all that goes through my mind currently is about food, binging, my weight, calories, diets, negative self talk, and then worrying about school and stuff, which makes me think about binging again. i've been told by several people to keep a food diary, and when i try to i either forget to write everything in it or i'm too embarassed to write anything in it because i had a binge/purge or just a binge episode.... and usually i have at least one binge or b/p episode a day, at least lately, so i havent' really been putting anything in it... but maybe i'll try to start one again. it really seems to be a thing that helps a lot of people...

thank you everyone for your support.

i'm gonna go now and maybe use the journal thingy they ahve on here or make my own food diary or something on my computer.

I am struggling with the EXACT same thing. I cut my calories to a reasonable 1500/day...then 1200...then 900...then 500...then I end up crying if I eat over 300. It's ridiculous.

I've tried to get away from it. Basicalliy, I have just found another way to cope with my stress, anxiety, depression, sadness, anger, etc....all the emotions that make us want to fill ourselves up with food..

The other day I made a list of things I can do to cope with my emotions, instead of binging/purging or starving myself:

Read a book
Read jokes on the internet
Exercise
Go outside and take a walk/run
Call a friend to chat
Go to a movie (with healthy snacks!)
Play with Play-dough
Fingerpaint
Browse wikipedia

Basically it's all about substituting cramming yourself with food for something else..until the anxiety/stress whatever it is passes.

No, it's not 100% fullproof...but I've discovered that in order to reign in the beast of ED's I have to find another way to deal with my emotions. No, our ED's will never go away, which sucks. But there are ways to manage it.