I've failed my last diet, again. It has happened so often now, and I honestly can't see the end of it. I have lost weight, but gained it back again. I understand there are lots of people here on the board with the same problem, and I wonder, what can I do?

Now that I am starting this whole diet thing again, what can I do differently this time? How can I make this work? How can I ensure this time it will last? I don't want to spend my life dieting, I think I would rather just be fat. Maybe even healthier.

So I am asking for help. I have tried a number of diets, I have tried exercise, I know the bad from the good, but I seem to be missing a vital piece of information.

I have had the same problem before.. The solution I have found is that you have to make small healthy choices that you can live with everyday.. not thinking that this is a diet and I can't wait for it to be over.. It has to be a change of lifestyle... I know I wish that there was something I could do so tomorrow I would wake up 100 lbs lighter, but I haven't found it yet But by making healthy choices you can watch the weight slowly come down.. and the slower you lose weight the more likely you are to keep it off I know that wouldn't be the answer I would want to hear, but I have been in your position a couple times and I have been told every time that it's not magic.. it's hard work

I would say that this is a big part of the problem.

As long as you think of what you're doing as "this whole diet thing" ... then nothing will ever be permanent.

The thing that has made the difference for me - has allowed me to lose weight and keep it off for nearly 20 months now - is that I don't diet. A diet is something that you start and stop. It has a beginning and an *end*. And the problem is that when you END your diet, you just go back to unhealthy habits and gain the weight back.

I don't diet.

I have made significant changes in my life - in what I eat, in the way I eat, in the amount of exercise I get. And there is nothing in my mind that says "I'm on a diet" ... because I'm not. I'm just eating what I eat.

I count my calories and try to stay within a range (1500 for me). I eat whole foods and natural foods and try to cut back on packaged stuff as much as possible. I try to exercise every day - although only maybe 4-5 days a week is actually going to the gym and exercising. Other days I try to exercise at home or by getting out and being active.

I honestly and truly believe that diets don't work. What works is creating a lifestyle that's conducive to being healthy and active.

.

Being so new here and so close to the beginning of my own journey, I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this topic. But I have been in your shoes many many times. We simply can not let what has occurred in the past dictate how we will live today and every tomorrow. It may or may not be helpful, but here are some of the changes I'm making that seem to be helping:

1. I am exercising everyday, but no 2 days are exactly alike. I find that skipping one day can lead to skipping two or more. I plan to be on that treadmill even if I am sick, sore or sleepy everyday. I don't have to run, I don't have to jog, but I do have to move and I will go at least 1 mile - even if I have to crawl.

2. I am not trying to stick to any special diet. I'm focusing on getting more fiber eating more vegetables & fruits, avoiding fried foods, reducing fatty toppings & drinking more water.

3. I designed a "My Virtual Model" of myself at my goal weight and have dressed "myself" in a variety of outfits that I can't wear yet. I printed out half a dozen of them and wrote inspiring quotes on them. Every day I read through them and take a moment to remind myself of where it is I am heading and why I need to focus and work hard to get there. I need to visualize & this helps so much.

4. I realized that I find it too easy to forget my goal and just eat whatever whenever if I do not remain mindful of where I am and where I want to be - so I weigh myself everyday. (this is a no-no for some, but I have hopped off the wagon so many times when I was halfway between weekly weigh-ins)

5. I avoid drinking more than 1 alcoholic beverage on any one day. When I get tipsy I want to snack and I just do.

6. This may be silly, but I finally bought myself an MP3 player. When I'm working out it really helps me to have the appropriate rhythm and a song I enjoy to keep up my pace. I just can't watch TV or listen to random songs with random beats for 40 minutes on the treadmill.

If we are refocused & recommitted then we haven't failed, we haven't quit, we found methods that didn't work well. Now we can adjust it, learn from it, and move on to where we want to be.

Keep that chin up and take one step. Then take another. And another. We will succeed.

Strong

I think Photo said it best. I have started and re-started a million times. I have never lost more than 10lbs. I think if I could just lose a small but signifigant amount of weight, not water weight, but weight, like 20lbs, I could keep going. But I just get that, "Ill stay fat just a little longer" mentality.

It sounds like maybe we have the same kind of "all or nothing" attitude. Gotta find a way to meet in the middle, find a lifestyle that will work forever, not a diet plan.

I am trying calorie counting this time. It gives me some wiggle room and when I keep a journal w/ a calorie count on it, it really shows me how the food choices I make impact me. Plus I can look back on a given day and see how eating something made me feel if I feel bad.

Goodluck! If it was easy it wouldn't be an issue

I think that the difference for me this time is the will... I finally hit that point in my life where I hit bottom. I don't want to live unhealthy and unhappy anymore and I am willing to put in whatever effort it takes to get to a healthier and happier me!

This time---I am taking things slow. I didn't get this heavy overnight and it won't come off overnight! I try to remind myself of that... and I am taking baby steps...

I am focusing on adding new mini goals into my lifestyle... for example: I have done a couple weeks now of plugging every morsel I eat into my Fitday log, even the less than fabulous foods. I have been getting better each day about having a more balanced and healthy diet... and now that I seem to have that under my belt I am starting to incorporate movement and exercise into my plan. I know myself... if I get overwhelmed with it all then I would just end of frustrated and quit.

Also, as mentioned before... this time I am really being good about using Fitday (you can register for free if you don't already have an account.) It allows me to track my calories eaten, calories burned, mood, weight, etc. It is really a great resource!

***As a side note, CalorieKing.com is also very helpful. You can look up any food (even brands and restaurants) and get the nutritional info on them. I use the food search when Fitday doesn't have a food I have eaten and then create a custom food in Fitday. (The food search is free, though I think you can register for something that costs money.)

It has to be *not* a diet... at least not in the temporary sense of the word. It has to be YOUR LIFE. Pick something you CAN do for the rest of your life and be happy. Baby steps. One thing at a time. Taking a walk every day (or choosing some other exercise that you could enjoy) can be nice. I have loved learning to drink tea instead of sodas. Trying out new recipes until you have a recipe box full of new, healthy recipes that taste GREAT to you.

I count calories. I dunno if I will do THAT for my entire life or not. But this whole thing is a process. What I was doing at 278 pounds is not the same thing I was doing at 240, and what I did at 240 is not what I am doing now. Hopefully, by the time I get to goal I will have something that will let me maintain.

Sometimes a counselor/therapist is an important part of the equation too, so you might consider that.

First of all, lots of thanks for all your input! It is certainly great to read, and it does make me feel less alone.

I know what you all mean with the lifestyle change, but I have done that in the past. I have lost 80+ lbs and I certainly didn't with a diet (I could never 'diet' that long!), I did change my lifestyle, but it is just as easy to change back as it is breaking your diet. Of course it did go slower, and I wasn't as aware of it as I would have been had I been on a diet. But I did fail, I honestly think I couldnt even stick to something if I had gastric bypass or something like that.

*Lyn* Going to a therapist is not much accepted in my country, though I have to say I think it would be a good idea, I gained weight after going on an exchange and maybe I just wasn't ready for it at the time.

*Kae* thank you for the calorieking tip! I have fitday on my pc, but it doesn't have everything. The thing I hate most is without a doubt sitting in a restaurant wondering how much calories I'm eating, and just not knowing.

*Justwannabeme* we do sound a lot alike! Maybe we could be diet buddies, if you are interested letme know, maybe we can find the middle path together. I certainly can't see it on my own!

As long as you have this mindset you will continue to fail.

I'm not trying to be harsh or negative or anything like that, just stating a simple fact.

I could not ever go back to my previous lifestyle. I simply couldn't. That doesn't mean that I haven't had days and even weeks where I've slacked off, been less careful, skipped the gym. We all have those days. But the way I ate before? Now when I eat that way it makes me physically ill. Literally. The last time I had an irresponsible weekend of eating junk and not exercising, by Sunday night I was sick. I wanted to throw up. I felt cranky and stressed and my stomach was queasy from the amount of junk I ate.

If you are in a position where it's "easy to go back" then you haven't really changed your lifestyle and your MINDSET. Because if there's a "go back" for you, then you haven't made a lifestyle change; you're just dieting in another form.

Until you are ready to commit fully - physically and mentally and emotionally - and until you remove the "I couldn't do it" and "it's easy to fail" thoughts from your mind, you won't succeed.

Now that said, nobody said this was easy. Every one of us struggles with it every day and probably always will. Even though I know eating crap will make me feel like crap - I still have days where I want to do nothing else other than sit on the sofa and eat potato chips. But you know ... nothing in life is really easy. Anything worth having requires work. And being healthy and fit and strong is the same way.

Why consciously choose NOT to have that?

.

Well, what PhotoChick says is true--we have to realize that we can't go back, whether we think it's easy to do so or not.

Yes, it's a slippery slope, and lots of people have gotten their knees all scraped going down that hill. But you'll learn. It's a dozen little choices every day. I'm still recovering from a "vacation" where I thought the laws of physics were magically suspended and I could eat whatever I wanted--but the real killer for me was that I didn't care during that time.

My lack of care got me up 4 pounds, and now I'm down 2, but it is taking a lot longer to come off than it did going on.

We can't afford not to care. We didn't magically get fat, and we likely won't magically stay normal weight.

So that may be the piece you've been missing. It sounds like you're giving yourself two choices: Learn to stick with a proper, nutritious food program, or give up and be fat and get fatter. Well--I think that's pretty close to it. Choose the first one. You may slip up from time to time, but keep making that choice.


Jay

Very nicely put...

Well, I certainly didn't change my eating habits one day to the next, then I would I would have been sick too! Like I said, I wasnt aware, it started with eating just more healty food, to eating what friends ate... After years of staying on track, I certainly didn't go back all the way in one day! Just like you say now, I didn't know there was a 'going back', I also thought it would be like that forever.

So I suppose the million dollar question is, how do I get the right mindset? Like I said, I can stick to pretty much anything. Sometimes for years, sometimes for months, sometimes about half an hour. How do I get the mindset that it is not just sticking to but just being?

Practice There is no magical switch that you flip in the mind to change your thinking. Just like there is no switch that you flip to change your weight.

The way you think is habit, just like everything else in life. You have to make a serious, concious (not that you aren't now) effort to think about the way you think about things. Examine your attitude, your way of thinking. Don't talk to yourself anyway that you wouldn't talk to a close friend or family member. If it's not ok to say out loud, in public, to another person, ask yourself why on earth it would be ok to say it to yourself. Look at the progress you have already made, don't focus on what you have left to do. Small goals at a time. How did you do it before, what were you thinking? What kept you motivated?

You are worth it, but nobody can make you believe that but you. Make a list of things you love about you, focus on those things. If the list is bare, then you should probably seriously consider some outside help, frowned upon in the country or not. Nobody has to know you are going but you. Its time for you, to love you, to treat yourself right, and do the things that are important for you to be healthy and happy.

Its hard, and you may feel like a fool at first, but eventually it becomes habit and its the way you SHOULD talk to yourself. Like a wonderful, caring, special human being, because you are. No matter how corny it sounds .

As for being buddies...I think that would be wonderful Feel free to PM me if you want too.

One of the things I say a lot on this site is this:

This is not a choice for me.

I get up every morning and go to work. I don't always want to. Some mornings I don't feel good. Some mornings I stayed up too late the night before. Some mornings I just don't want to deal with making the decisions. Some mornings (like this morning) I just want to snuggle under the blankets and watch it rain. But you know what? That's not a choice I get to make. I don't get to say "Hey, I've decided that I'm going to give up on going to work - it's too hard and too frustrating and too annoying, so I'm just quitting."

I pay my bills every month. I really would rather not. There's a really cute pair of boots I'd rather buy. And I'd rather go spend a long weekend in NYC. And I'd rather get some new camera gear. And I'd rather go out to dinner all the time. But I don't. I sit down 2x a month and write checks to the mortgage company and the electric company and the gas company and the auto finance company and the insurance company. I don't have a choice. I can't wake up some morning and think "You know, I don't feel like paying bills this month."

There are TONS of things I do not because I *choose* to do them, but because they are the things that responsible adults do to live their lives. I go to the doctor and the dentist. I wash my clothes. I clean my house. I pay my bills. I go to work.

And I eat healthy foods and exercise.

Do I always *want* to? **** no.
Do I always *enjoy* it? Not all the time, no.

Do I do it anyway because I'd rather not deal with the alternative? You bet your sweet life.

Just like I don't want to have my home foreclosed on, so I pay my mortgage. Just like I don't want to have my car repo'd, so I pay my car payment. Just like I don't want to lose my job, so I get up every morning and go to work.

All of those things. I do because that's what you do when you're being a responsible grownup.

There's nothing to "stick to" here. It just *IS*.

.

I gave up dieting. At the end of September,as I was approaching my 51st birthday, I decided to change my eating habits. After two weeks, I got so tired of counting calories and fat grams, plus all of the other diet stuff we do. On this site, I ran across the Intuitive Eating thread. This has helped me so much to learn about eating healthy.

I also read two books: Intuitive Eating and The Good Mood Diet. These two books have helped me a lot. I particularly like how they do not delve into the diet mindset, are not rigid about food, but instead, they give you hope that you can lose weight without pills or surgery. Also, they do not have that negative tone that just makes you reaffirm that your body is ugly if you are not slim. What I like about them also is that nutritionists have written them. I have a wonderful friend who is a nutritionist and who has confirmed what these books indicate about food and emotional states that some of us have.

My weight is coming off very slowly and there are weeks that I have not lost weight, but at least I am no longer eating fast food, or high caloric food at restaurants. I have become more mindful about what I eat, eating when I am physically hungry, and if I am emotionally eating. This is a huge breakthrough for me. Sometimes, I will not eat some foods because I will choose some thing that I feel will be better for my body. It is not because the food is bad, but because there is some other food that will provide more nutrients for me.

When I do binge or eat something very high caloric, it is OK. I refuse to punish myself. This would make me eat more. I would get the "what the ****?" attitude that will even lead me to drinking. As a result of this change, I am also cooking more. This has helped me control what goes into my food. I have almost developed a dislike for eating out. Last night, I got home from work late and my BF suggested we go out to eat, instead, I just whipped up some pasta and chicken. Who would have thought...?