I was sitting here tonight, just thinking to myself. I was thinking, in like 2 years I could possibly look like a normal person, and not be fat anymore?. People wouldn't think of me as "the fat girl" or whatever. I don't even know how to process all that in my head. I've always been "the fat girl". What would people judge me by if I'm not fat? Fat has always been apart of my identity. Maybe it's a dumb thought, but it kind of scares me?. Has anyone else felt this way?.

i've definitely felt that way. i've always been the big girl. it's part of my identity. not that i want it to be. i'm very much concerned with what life will be like as a smaller girl. i wonder if i will be comfortable with my new body. i am just scared of the unknown and not a big fan of change. i know that it will be worth it though! i know i need to lose the weight for myself and for my daughter and future babies. i know that i will adjust to life as a smaller version of me!

oh yeah. when I think about those things, it almost feels like a dream. I also find myself thinking about how I'm going to deal with people when I'm thinner. I remember a lot more people were interested in being friends with me when I was thinner, and I'm expecting it again. I worry about resentment and wondering if they would have liked the "real" me- as I'll probably always view myself as a heavy girl at heart.

Funny you say that!
My best friend and I were just talking about this tonight. She's also big and trying to lose weight. I said even if I got to 140 lbs I would still probably feel as if I was a fat girl at heart!. She said the same thing.
This may sound rude, but we call eachother fatty, fat, fat @ss, etc, you get it.
We both agree'd that even if we were TINY we'd still call eachother all those fat names ha ha!, we are messed up!.

that's hysterical! I wish I had a close heavy friend, but it seems like all my friends are guys...

Lmao

I feel sort of the same. I can't believe that in two years I'll be close to goal. However I GAINED all of my weight (170 lbs) in two years. And have been holding for the last 7. So in my heart of hearts I am a thin person who is being held down by all of this weight.

I kinda know what you mean, but like cfmama I don't feel like a heavy girl at heart. It's only when I'm around people I don't like or who I know don't like me (FAMILY!!) that I feel bad about my weight. Well mostly. (If I'm being held back by my weight in some way like I don't feel like I can scuba dive then I feel bad.)

My sister was heavy as a child/teenager and my mom and oldest brother harassed her for years. It wasn't until she was 18 or so that she lost the weight. She see's herself as fat and starts freaking out of the scale says she's 140. As a kid she would pay my good brother and I to call her fat while she ran to motivate her. I always knew something wasn't right with that.

She's 10 years older than me. The childhood I had was different. Parents split up. We had no food, literally a lot of the times. My good brother and I were skinny starved looking kids, but my sister would always question my weight and call me fat. Telling me I had an eating disorder because I wanted to eat. I grew up and around my teen years started putting on some weight. I can remember being like 16 and being 140. My dad told me no one would like me for being fat. Even then I didn't feel fat. I felt like my family had some weird ideas about fat. Plus they used the words fat and stupid interchangeable. It was the go to insult when someone made you mad. Fat was a bad word and one I didn't associate myself with.

I got heavier and heavier over the years once I started trying to diet. My sister really loves to ask me how much I weigh and gets mad when I won't tell her. She even went so far as asking my BF of 10 years how he felt about my weight... when we had only been dating a short while when that happened. From that day on he doesn't see why I should have any contact with her. My dad now jokes about how I will die early from my weight.

If I ever loose this weight I know I will be told how awful and disgusting they really think I am when I was fat. On one hand I kinda wonder if maybe they will finally love me, but that's just nuts. None of them love each other now. How will my loosing some extra body fat make them any different. They'll just pick some other flaw to go after. My fat is just such an easy target.

So I guess I'm not really worried about that. It is what it is. Most people who like me, like for my weird personalty and unflinching honesty. I guess when I'm thinner I'll still be me.

The real issue I think is that if you change no matter how that is really, people will judge you in a way that makes however you were before as less. When they put down who you/we were for years it will hurt. And what happens if something should ever happen to make you/us gain some of the weight back. Will they judge us more harshly. And and what point do we decide what those people think is not relevant.

The good thing is that even when we loose this weight we won't loose our ability to detect insincere butt monkeys. So even if you worry about people liking you for being smaller you will be able to tell if they still like your personality and all those things that make you who you are.

I can relate to the worry of how people will treat a thinner me. I have four sisters and I have always been the fattest. I recently started taking more time with my appearance and for the most part they don't comment one way or the other. I have always thought that I am the best looking or that I could be with less weight and better clothing. That is scary because they deal with a lot of crap being pretty. I try to tell my self that a lot of the crap they deal with is a choice. Not a choice in how people approach you but in how you respond. I refuse to allow their bad choices keep me from putting my best foot forward.

I have made big non-weight related changes in my life before and it is always strange to have new people in my life that did not know me when one passion or another was the center of my life. I believe fat or thin I will continue to change as I get older. At 32 I am ready for the next chapter of my life. I am not going for skinny but thinner and healthier. And most people in my life will respect that.

Wow.... to be honest I never thought about it like that. I never saw myself as big as I am until I see pictures because for the most part I am able to keep up with everyone. It wasnt until recently that I started questioning my self everywhere I went like how will the chairs be and stuff like that. I think to know that I can be a normal size in 2 years is a wonderful think but I am sure there will be a part of me that still thinks I am fat.

I had never actually thought of it too much until my doctor asked me how I would deal with different kinds of attention, even unwanted attention from men.
I had always assumed everything would be just great and happy. I have thought more about it lately and I think I will always wonder the same. Would they have wanted to be friend if I was fat. Or would that man show intrest if I was fat etc. Its hard to tell but with anything peoples true colors show eventaully

I have most of these exact same thoughts.... Especially the "if your skinny life is perfect and you have no problems, life is one big fairytale if your skinny" part... As if. lol.

Interesting Thread. I have sort of an advantage because I have been thin, even skinny a few times in my life. Though it never lasted long because old habits creeped in quickly for me. I hope this time is different. I can tell you people will treat you different, but mostly because you will be different. You will be physically and emotionally different.

I can't blame anyone but myself for my addiction to food, no one ever forced me to eat...ever. I did it all on my own...usually in private. Just me and my food, with no outside influences. I love attention, so it was great to get more, but that didn't stop me from gaining weight back on numerous occasions. I love clothes, makeup & shoes, and looking good in my small sheik clothes didn't stop me from gaining weight back. Some people were supportive, some people jealous, some people didn't care one way or another, and it didn't stop me from gaining weight back.

I felt good, I felt pretty, I felt super human, I felt magnificent, but none of that was enough to keep me from gaining the weight back. I'm addicted to food, and it will always rule my life. I'm to the point now at the age of 43 and probably 800 pounds gained and lost in my life time that being thin makes life easier and healthier, but it will never be "me". I AM a fat girl. I have a fat brain. I can only control the outside, not the inside.

I agree with you Lori Bell. I have lost alot of weight in the past and I was treated differently. I would get looks and smiles from strangers. It was very strange to me and with being a big girl my whole life my first instinct was to be defensive. Kind of like "what are YOU looking at?" I'm sure there were some unwarranted dirty looks thrown. My self confidence is bad and all I want to do is stay in the shadows and be as invisible as possible. Kind of hard to do with two small boys who make their attention known in public. When I did lose that weight I was still the big girl in my head. I think that I will always be that girl, I'll have to work on that when I reach my goal.