I realize at this point that for every positive visual in my mind, which helps get me psyched for my lean Self to take charge in my life, I have some friction from opposing anxiety or resistance which sets up sabotage. I'd like to start a list of them, to get a closer look, in order to overcome the negative resistance. Maybe we can all join in together and make lists , and iron out these wrinkles in our motivation ?


Positive Visual : I love to feel my body move with no resistance in motion (from the fat and the gravity of the weight) Without the weight, it's like floating, or flying!
Voice of Resistance : I sometimes get cold, clammy, and feel insecure, without spunk, maybe even vulnerable.

Positive Visual : I love looking good, trying on the new smaller sizes and them actually not feeling like a straight jacket anymore. I'll admit it, I love to look in the mirror and say 'wow, you look good', and go out the door ready to stir it up !
Voice of Resistance : That's so vain! This should not reason enough for all the effort.

Positive Visual: I love the confidence in knowing how sexy I can look with so little effort , trapping men in my gaze ::devilish grin::
Voice of Resistance : I really shouldn't provoke flirtation, it might catch me at a weak point, being so starved for genuine interest from DH, almost exclusively because I'm so overweight.

(sub positive visual : collecting a few admirers and making DH realize he might change his attitude about me.
sub resistance: that is very vindictive.)

Positive Visual : I can't wait to feel so good internally, from a healthy diet and lifestyle of hard exercise that is relatively much easier when slim. Knowing I have much less chance of some morbid disease.
Voice of Resistance : none, really. So maybe this is the one reason that I should put in bold print, and plaster all over , and focus on.

How about you ?

Regarding the sexy one, my voice says, "Nobody will want you even if you do lose weight, and once the fat is taken away, you'll lose that excuse and find out that you truly are unlovable."

Ufi ~ Oh no, that is so not right. I think these negative self talking voices are some deep rooted messages all about lack of self respect. We project on to others and the world how we feel about ourselves, so we simply *must* overcome our fears. We owe it to ourselves first of all, then to all the others who know us, and will know us, to crush that negativity completely out. It is no doubt to blame for the fat in the first place. I have spent my whole life analyzing why the fat comes, and why it goes, what in my head and heart is taking place for it to manifest outwardly, physically, on my body.

Tough call though, to simply *learn* to love one's self. Nobody can just tell you "love yourself" , you are the only one who can analyze what went on in your life, your childhood, your early adult years, to imprint on you the format in which you've been percieving yourself and others. Can you recognize where the problem started ? Well, for whatever it's worth, here a couple links I just found, about positive self talk :

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pos...inking/SR00009

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129

Excellent articles, Hermit Girl!!!! Thank you for the links

BTW, I love the "shack" - looks like heaven to me!

Thanks for the post. I know where that jabbing little voice comes from originally. My father. Subsequent problems in relationships afterward, both in poor ones and in not being able to find a good one, have reinforced it. It even comes up with its own "evidence" from my life of why I'm right. I've done the exercises where I write responses to the negative thoughts, but it's darned persistent!

Good start, and keep going. I'm reading a book all about rewiring our thought processes. It's called "Evolve Your Brain" , by Joe Dispenza. I'm only in the first few chapters, but this book is really good. I have more hope now than ever of rewiring my thoughts and thus, my life.

Now, go back, and counter your "Voice of Resistance" as if a friend was telling you that about herself.

This is a sample of a "conversation" I might have:

Me: Think about what it's going to be like. I'm so sexy and curvy. Sensual. That guy is flirting with me.
Mean Me: Never gonna happen.
Me: Yes, it is. I'm going to lose this weight and get down to my goal. Even if it takes a long time. I'm going to do it. I AM doing it.
Mean Me: Even if you do lose the weight, you aren't going to have any guys interested in you.
Me: I've had guys interested in me before, when I was thinner.
Mean Me: Yeah, creeps. Guys who mistreat you. Who use you. Not nice guys. Besides, at your age (36), do you really think you're going to find anyone decent?
Me: He could be out there. You don't know.
Mean Me: Look at your relationship track record. Have you ever dated a nice guy? Has a guy who respected you ever really pursued you?
Me: Well ... that doesn't mean it couldn't happen. I'm not the same person I was before. I've come a long ways, learned a lot about myself and relationships. I respect myself a lot more. I'm not going to put up with being treated poorly.
Mean Me: And that's gotten you a whole lot of datelessness, now hasn't it? Face it, the problem isn't your weight. It's who you are.
Me: I know I'm not for every guy. That's OK. I don't need every guy. I want the guy who is right for me. I'm a good person. A kind person. I'm funny and smart and interested in a wide variety of things. There must be guys out there who want a woman like me.
Mean Me: Yep, they're lining up around the block to get to you. How long's it been since you've had a date? Three years? Four years? And those were blind dates. You haven't even been asked out in longer than that.
Me: It's because of the weight. I weigh so much that guys don't approach me.
Mean Me: Oh, you'll see. The weight is just an excuse. You lose it, you'll see that. Good guys didn't approach you in high school or college when you weighed less. They even turned you down when you asked them out. It isn't the weight. It's you.
Me: But I was different in high school and college. So shy ...
Mean Me: You'll see. You lose the weight and you'll KNOW you're alone because of who you are.

And so on.

Wow this thread has given me such a pause for thought!

I have these negative counter-thoughts too, and only now have I ever really noticed it. So what I did is wrote down all my negative thoughts and attacked them! All over a bit of paper! Those negative thoughts are in the middle and all around them is my positive "you're wrongs!" in big letters and colours and exclamation marks.

I put it on my mirror, and it makes me feel better