**RANT**

Lately things have been kind of rocky. I've been doing well on my diet, and have lost 19lbs total since September. I should be thrilled, right?

I AM, but other things are bringing me down: I wish I had more hours with my job. I want to have extra spending cash [so I'd be able to join a gym once again]. My search for a second job has been a cruel one. I haven't had much of a social life. I have become a "home body". But...

I had a very good day. I worked the morning shift, walked to Commerce when I got off, deposited my pay check, and walked to Wawa to get my hands on more Kashi crunchy bars [new favorite, and cheaper there than Superfresh!]. I headed home, got in my PJs, and decided to relax a bit before dinner. Kenny came home and asked if I wanted to go out to eat, and I figured since I've been good, it would be okay. Since I reached about 2,000 calories for the day, I wanted to get some walking in. We walked South Street to Penns Landing and back. We stopped at my work and bought a 40 x 55 drymounted Monet piece to brighten up our living room. I was happy.

And then....

When I got home, I read a thread on a different forum, stating that obese people are lazy and don't care about themselves, they're disgraces, etc. I do care about my health, but I had an odd struggle with my weight. I was thin, and my mother cooked healthy and portioned my meals. No junk food in the house. She was strict. But I gained 100lbs in the course of 2 summers. She took me to the doctors, had me tested for thyroid problems - nothing was wrong. My last 30ish pounds I take blame for. I fell into a black hole when I moved in with my grandparents. I was taken by the lonely life I led. I had no friends there. My mother and sister moved to Florida. I was an outcast at school because I was "different" - I felt abandoned. So I filled that hole with food. Tons of food. Food was my comfort blanket and I felt like a baby cradled in their mother's arms. This 30lbs accumulated over 3 years.

But here I am, down 30lbs from my highest weight of 256. I eat healthy, I shop healthy. I never head high blood pressure or any other medical problems :knocks on wood:. I've been rather healthy.

But after reading that forum, it makes me believe that all people will judge me. "Oh, she eats tons of fast food, she doesn't exercise, she doesn't care about herself". They won't know I've lost 30lbs, I eat healthy, and I am changing my life...For good.

I wish people wouldn't be so cruel. It's not fair. They don't understand because they never had to struggle with their weight. I bet if they were on the opposite side of the plate, they wouldn't say they're disgusting and a disgrace.

It doesn't matter in what way you're different, whether it's your weight, your height, your skin color, your clothes, whatever people can see ... someone will judge you. It's just a fact of life. Fortunately, there's lots of good people too.

*hugs* I'm sorry your feeling bad right now but you have worked hard to lose those 30 pounds, you should be proud of yourself. I'm still dreaming of losing 30....your right when you say they dont understand, they have never been where we are. therefore you can only tell yourself they are ignorant to other peoples suffering and trials and though we should not pay attention to anything they say because they are clearly uneducated we do need to forgive their ignorance and treat anything they say as worthless and meaningless. Dont let an ignorant strangers words undo all the hard work you have done. Your doing great! Keep it up!

There will always be people picking at and judging others - mostly because for some being cruel makes them feel better about themselves. Don't pay any attention to that negative energy. You are working hard and staying focused. Be proud and stay strong! You have come so far already, it is an amazing accomplishment.

I had a friend confide in me the other day about how she would go to the store, buy a ton of food, go to her room and eat it all in one sitting. I have never ever ever done a thing like that... yet she's a skinny little thing and I'm a walrus. I see what others around me eat, and sometimes I wonder why they aren't fat and I am. I swear I must have a really slow metabolism. I can't blame everything on that (I know I have some issues), but people like to make assumptions. I'm extremely self concious about eating a candy bar in front of anyone. I feel like they must be thinking, "Man, that woman does not need a candy bar, she's had quite enough... somebody give her a carrot."

Another thing is, the bigger you are the more it takes to get moving. Maybe I am "lazy" ... but people who say something like that don't realize that doing everyday things requires more effort and energy for me than it does for them. Perhaps if they sat in my shoes they may feel differently... maybe they would understand. But maybe not, because they look at someone like me and say to themselves, "Man, I am so glad I'm not fat like them."

If you ask 100 people how many of them would feel compelled to write nasty things on the internet about fat people, I bet it would be a very small number. I know reading something on a forum can sometimes feel like someone is saying something right to your face, but the fact is that it's just some loser sitting at their computer with nothing better to do than get people riled up and make them feel bad. It's easy to say nasty things when you don't have to look at the person's face who you're hurting. 20 years ago, you would never have seen that and you would have just been thrilled with your weight loss. Don't let some jerk you don't even know take that away from you.

i always tell my girls.. sticks & stones. People like that are insecure and thats why they think its ok to criticize everyone else. Nobody is perfect!! Just try to keep thinking positive! As long as you surround yourself with people who love you and support you things will be ok. For me its a daily struggle to block out the negativity from other people.. but I think about how much work I have put into this and I refuse to give up.

Many people WOULD judge you, and all of us, wrongly for our weights. It's depressing, but at the end of the day, only THE TRUTH matters. Only what you actually do matters. So try not to worry about it.

Some people are ugly and some just say ugly things. Please don't let this stop you. Keep up the good work.