I'm having the worst day, I'm totally bawling right now.

I've been with my boyfriend 8 months give or take. I really like him, he's so fun to be with. But - as a boyfriend goes - he's really bad at it. He provides no emotional support, no affection, no drive to want to spend time with me, especially time alone with me. I am constantly getting turned down by my BOYFRIEND. I don't think it's a lack of care - I think (according to him anyway) it's just how he is. He likes his alone time, he's not an affectionate person - physically or emotionally. Also, he's been hurt before - so he's really closed up, afraid to get hurt again.

Well, I've waited - hoping that he'll open up to me, and I think he has - and what I have is what it is. And I don't think it's enough for me, and It's really hard... because I really like him. I was hoping he'd be this person who cared about me... I mean I want to spend time with him, he's so much fun (and so hot). But I deserve better.... someone who wants to spend time with me, it's like pulling teeth to plan a date with the guy.

I'm so afraid to be alone though, I'm really lacking friends right now...

what do I do

Oh girlfriend.... Sorry to say, but show him the door and don't look back. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy that you are begging for attention from? Trust me, trust me, trust me....you will find someone out there who does everything the way you need it to be done. Don't waist your young and beautiful (and fun) years on one guy that isn't everything. (How old are you?)

Your last statement (so afarid to be alone, lacking in friends right now) Girl - You go out and find some kickass girlfriends and enjoy life. Don't arrange your life around a guy or depend on one guy for your happiness! There are many years in your future to be committed to one guy. Live while you are so young and don't worry about "the one!"

On flip side - how old is your boy? If he's under 25, he doesn't know what he wants and may come around.

"If you love it, let it go...if it was meant to be, it will return!"

I'm sure that the terrible feelings you are having right now seem like they won't go away...but time really does heal a broken heart if you decide to kick him to the curb!

I am a man and I can tell you this ...

you said " he's so much fun (and so hot). "

I know so many women who get dumped on guys because he can...and will because another woman will jump to snap him up...if you feel sad because of what is happening between you two than you already have your answer, you just don't like it.

Sorry hun, we have all been there,

- Elliott

I agree with everything JamieJo said... it's just not a match. Let him know it's not him, but you just dont work as couple. I know it's uncommon to stay friends with ex's, but my current bf is friends all his ex's and I'm on good terms and communicate with all of mine. I dont know if I recommend this, but maybe just stop thinking of him as a bf and start thinking of him as a best friend... just hang out and meet people together. The relationship will go it's course and you'll gain some confidence to make more friends. Get involved in some activities without him as well.

Good luck to you!




And hey, I wouldn't say this if I didn't really think it, but you are gorgeous!!! Honestly. Get some confidence (or fake till you do) and find a great match for yourself. With your looks you can get anyone. Truly.

Thanks. It's tough to leave someone, the feeling you get from being with someone is nice you know?

For sure. It's great having someone to depend on, cuddle with, love, take you out, etc. But you can get most of that from dating too... Right? Not the trust and dependability stuff, but you can get that from family and friends, I guess.

I'm just going to sneak in here on you (I'm a bit old for this particular thread, though ). Maybe it's harder to admit it's not there because there wasn't a single event that broke your heart or made you upset with him?? I know I always found it easier to leave a cheater, jerk, etc. than a nice guy that just didn't click.

That being said -- I married Mr. "nice to me, takes great care of me, everyone loves him, etc." but he shows almost nothing in the way of emotions/time spent together. It' s a VERY lonely place. It's like having a room mate forever. I honestly was rather depressed and lonely until we had our first son nine years ago. I swear the kids and I are very close because they are my companionship.

Make the best decision for you. It may be difficult to move on but it would be more difficult to stay forever (trust me).

You deserve a man who goes out of his way to make you feel special, and who treats you as though you are precious. I had to deal with not great boyfriends like your current one mostly because of low self-esteem, but I finally realized what a catch I am, and started acting like I was worth chasing. I just got married last month. I have the best husband. I'm so proud to introduce him to my friends. **I am 35. Don't just take what you're dealt, go for the gold!
Please read He's just not that into you, by some guy whose name I can't remember, and The Rules by Ellen Fein. These books gave me the power to give myself self confidence.

I was with a guy for 3 years, and in the beginning he was sweet and nice and showed his emotions but in the end he closed up on me, and was just "fun." It was like hanging out with a friend, and not even a close one at that. I was so attached to him because we had been together for so long that our breakup was long and drawn out and very painful. It was for the best, though. Now I'm married to the most wonderful man, I can't even explain how happy he makes me. Don't EVER be afraid to be alone. Everyone needs time alone to grow and to become their own person before they get into a serious relationship, anyways.

I'm relatively new to posting in this thread.. but I thought I'd drop my 2 cents in!

I'd definitely let go of him, you really do deserve so much better. I totally understand being alone - I've lived in a very unfriendly city for 8 years and haven't made ONE lasting friendship - sooo sad! But being single makes it easier to make friends, do what you love to do and those friends will come.

You need someone to support you in all the things life throws at you, and I think in the long run you'll end up more lonely with him than without him. Only you know whats right for you, just trust yourself to make the right decision!

-Aimee

Let him go... move forward. I did and have never been happier. I've been married to an amazing man for over four years now. When I was with the ex, I didn't think such men existed. I kept thinking, if I try harder, it'll get better. It didn't.

But it sounds like you aren't getting much, or any, of that from him anyway. The fact that it's hard to get him to spend time with you is a huge red flag for me. I was immediately reminded of the book "It Sounds Like He's Just Not That Into You."

Move on and be thankful you only wasted 8 months on him. You'll find someone else.

My mother told me something years ago that has stuck with me to this day.
A man may love you the best way he knows how, but it might not be enough. Move on.
I promise you.. if he was this way in the beggining, he won't change.
In the past, when I've had hard break-ups I find it helps if you focus on other things in your life, like volunteering.
My mother also told me that I would meet plenty of good guys, but I wasn't meant to marry them all!
Aww.. I love my mom!

You sound like a very caring person who's willing to give a lot of herself over to a relationship. It's not fair for you to be the one who's putting so much into this and not getting what you want and deserve out of it...even if that is "just who he is".

It sounds like he's being indifferent towards you and not giving you what you need. You don't want someone like that...you want someone who is equally as committed to the relationship as you are. Don't settle just because you're comfortable. You can do so much better.

I know it's hard to let someone go...but in the long run you'll be glad you did. You'll meet someone really worthwhile and wonder why you even bothered with him in the first place. Hang in there!

I agree, since I've been with him - I've spent less time with my friends, and more time sitting alone becasue he bailed on me or didn't want to hang out. blah. I really need this advice you guys, thanks - my mind is simply not thinking clearly right now.