Over the past few months I've really been struggling. I think the idea of weight loss took over my mind, its all I can ever think about. This lead to bad things, I was eating constantly and would purge afterwards. I've gotten to enjoy any food I've wanted and not gained weight but obviously theres a bigger problem at hand. I've tried many times to convince myself "tonight" is the last night. I've lost all control and I need to pull myself together.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel so lost and ashamed. Right now my only plan is to go to the grocery store and pile up and good and healthy food and write a meal plan for the next few days. I've tried this before, usually I'm only good for a day. Not only is my problem unhealthy but its very expensive.

There's probably a whole lot more to the way you're feeling than even you know. I've had a similar problem... thinking about it all the time, keeping meticulous records, getting sick at the idea of food (though I haven't reached the level of purging, everyone is different). I went to a nutritionist to try to improve my diet, and it turned out to be a good move, because my nutritionist was also a counselor about eating issues and disorders. I know it may feel weird at first to talk to a stranger, but its freeing, and she really forced me to look at my relationship with food.

I would recommend you try to do the same...there are a lot of places out there, you don't need to go to a "shrink" or anything drastic, but maybe see if a local clinic has a program?

If you don't deal with the emotions behind everything, chances are you'll have a problem with this for the rest of your life.

Welcome back, sm177!

I agree with kelly315--you can probably use some help with this. Please look into some nutritional counseling or therapy with someone who works with eating disorders. You don't have to struggle alone.

Also, if you haven't found it already, 3FC has the Chicks in Control forum where members with food issues like this help each other.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=64

Concentrate on planned meals and not purging--obviously--but do get some help.

Jay

Sorry to hear you have developed a life threatening eating disorder. I found it interesting that you said you have gotten to "enjoy" any food you want. Please seek help. The cost of binging and purging not only effects your bank account. It can cost you your life. It can kill you. I lost a loved one to this disease and more than I can count that still suffer horrible side effects years after recovery. Please get a handle on this before it's to late.