I am sitting here almost in tears tonight.

Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I go out and have fun, drink, look cute in anything and not think about food 24/7?

I think about food and they way I look so much. I just wish I didn't have to think about it anymore. I have been thinking about since I was 12 and I WANT it stop.

I just wish I could go through ONE DAY without worrying how I look, if I am going to fit into that chair, how my rolls look or how many calories, carbs, fat and sugar are in every morsel that goes into my mouth....

I wouldn't know what I would think about if all my worries about food and the way I look went away. i just want to be free of all this, I think about it so much and I just want to forget about it...if only for a minute.

In my experience, it's a lifetime commitment. Which means I will *always* have to think about what food I am putting in my mouth for the rest of my life, as long as I want to be successful. I know it's frustrating to see others who seem to be able to eat anything they want and stay skinny as a rail, but everyone is different and the grass is always greener. You can control your weight, but that skinny chick may have emotional issues way deeper than your food ones, and ones that she may never conquer.

Hang in there, Hon. You can still go out and have fun. You just have to be more aware than some. It'll just become part of your life.

Nobody's normal. It's a horrible myth that's been perpetuated for eons.

We all have demons. Food is ours.

Ooh, I know how you feel. Sometimes I like being stressed out at work because it takes my mind off the whole weight loss thing, and because it's like a "normal" person thing to be stressed out about, you know?

Heh, all I can say is thank goodness for 3fc, huh?

Normal is boring! Average is boring. You are not boring! I've seen you post and i think your great.

You can choose not to think about it - you can choose to give up the stress and the worry, but the consequences probably aren't what you want. And if you don't care about the consequences then go ahead and learn not to think or worry about it. Eat what you want, when you want, and don't stress about it... That is a choice.

I'm not being facetious, many people do make that choice. For a couple years, I made that choice, and I don't even regret it. It is a legitimate choice, though the consequences can be serious. As consequences for many of our actions and decisions are.

So much of this is perspective. How you choose to look at the choices you make in your life. People could as easily say that they were tired of having to take care of personal hygeine every day. You could resent the fact that you have to wash your face, brush you teeth, shower, comb your hair, wash and repair/replace clothing, wear clean and presentable clothing, or even get dressed. Do you get "sick" of doing those things? If you did, you could stop doing any of them, but there would be consequences. You'd smell bad, lose your teeth, and become a social outcast (especially if you decided you weren't going to wear clothes anymore). And what about going to work every day, aren't you tired of having to do that, too! (I know I was, and I'll tell you now that I'm on disability, and now I regret it so much, I'm so hoping I can get back to work, or find a way to work at home).

I'm not being critical, I've been where you are so many, many times. And I had to stop looking at it as a fence around my life. But I am a big kid inside, and like a small child I sometimes DO resent having to brush my teeth (well, not my teeth, because that's a habit now, and I don't even think about it. I haven't thought about it since I was maybe 10). But also like a kid, I like games and sticker charts, so I use them. I made an exercise and a weight loss sticker chart, and give myself a sticker for every 20 minutes of exercise, and every pound I lose. For every 5 lbs or 5 exercise sessions I give myself a little fun, cheap reward (like a paperback book, or an MP3 download). Because I would buy some of those things for myself anyway, I write down the title of the book or download, and my "rule" is that I can't buy that title, I have to wait until I earn it.

I'm not saying any of this will work for you, or that your feelings aren't completely justified, I'm just saying there are ways to make this easier that don't entail giving up. And like Faerie pointed out, everyone has some obstacle in their life that is a challenge. Giving up is an option, but it really only creates a new obstacle.

i feel ya im the same way 2

Lord knows I've had those feelings. Hang in there!

i feel that way all the time

Taylor, you are not alone. I would love a mental break from this mess, especially since I've pretty much put my life on hold since I was 12 years old until I can lose x amount of pounds. Hang in there.

You know eventually that horrible feeling will go. At some point you HAVE to leave it behind, because you know the way you feel and taunt yourself right now is leading you to self destruction. It wont happen overnight, but you're losing weight and eventually your mind will adjust with your body. Just remember, you're you no matter what size you are and you deserve happiness no matter what.

Congratulations on losing 11 pounds. That is a great start. I have found if I want to maintain my loss I must think about food and I do, often. I think about how many calories in a certain food all the time. It was because I DID NOT think about the consequences of eating too many high calorie foods that I was over 200 pounds. It just becomes a habit , but I can also think about how much healthier I am and how much better I feel and how much better I look.

I feel the same way- and I think you'll find that with all of us on here (it's why we're here!) but you'd be surprised by those "skinny people." They have just as many insecurities, although not the same as a food thing- relationship issues, family, job, drugs, etc..you just never know..

So just keep your chin up and keep working hard. I know you have been, you've had some amazing posts and are super determined! Don't let this get to ya.

This 'journey' we are all on really can become all consuming. I find that I constantly look at others when I am in public thinking negative thoughts about how my body compares. Sometimes I have to self talk myself out of it. I understand how difficult thoughts can be but at least you did decide to take control.
Keep peaking at all those amazing pictures of fellow chicks who have reached their goal. That's what I do when i am down about this.