Hey all. My internet broke down so I've been MIA. Now it's back and so am I, but not with encouragement and drive. I'm just feeling so horrible. Missy was my boyfriend's dog, until we got together four years ago, and then she was our dog. She and I had a really special bond, and I took care of her in every way, which was a lot, because she was already ten years old when I met her. She had bad hips and a metabolic problem, but I loved giving her long messages and grooming her patchy fur, and she was always so happy and sweet. She had the silliest bark I've ever heard.
She started to decline four days ago (Sunday), and passed away yesterday morning at 7:45 a.m. There's a reason I'm posting all of this in the Chicks in Control forum. I'm not in control at all. I haven't eaten since Sunday morning. I'm drinking all my meals. I'm seriously thinking about finishing off last night's bottle right now, and it's 10:30 in the morning.
My whole body hurts. I want Missy back. It was only right for her to go, cause she was 14 and for a Malamute, that's very old. She wasn't in pain until Sunday but she'd been uncomfortable for a long time.
I'm not in control. I don't even care about my weight or health. I don't want to scare anyone, though- I'm not going to do anything stupid, even though this post is very dark. My family is all here and my boyfriend (even though he's just as depressed, if not more) and I are taking care of each other.
Grief effects me this way every time. Writing this was good, though. I'm gonna go pour out that bottle down the sink, then maybe find a book or something. But before I do, how are you all feeling? How do you stay in control through the bad times? I'd love to know. I hope your days are going as beautifully as you yourselves are.

oh no i'm so so sorry. I'm sure she's at the bridge.

Moony-

You have my deepest condolences...I'm an animal person and growing up my pets were always my best friends. I know how hard this must be for you. I wrote my cat who I'd had for 15 years a letter when she died. It was insanely long and I recounted memories, told her how much she means to me, and thanked her for the impact she has had on my life. It was a little thing but it really really helped me. After that I made sure I was out with my friends as much as I possibly could. Try to keep busy if you can and most importantly...don't close your grief off. *hugs* I hope this helped at all.

I know exactly how you feel I had to put my dog Rocky down a few months ago... actually it wasn't my choice. As my Dad was taking him out the door to load him in the car to be put to sleep, I was literally sitting in the door way CRYING harder then I've ever cried in my life, hyperventalating. I actually threw up a few times. I had him for 15 wonderful years, he was my bestfriend. and not a day goes by where I don't talk to him in heaven.

Moony -
Well, we all never stay in control all the time. Time heals, they say but I don't agree. Grief is grief and you need to do what you do and you will come out of it. Don't know when. Don't know how. We are all different. Pain affects us differently. I wish there was a magic pill that I could send you. I am crying as I write this because your story brings back memories.

The pain, ache and heartbreak will subside but not for a while. In a few weeks you will, for no reason at all, break down & cry. Been there. Done that.

My prayers of faith and hope and strength are going to you to keep you safe.
Blessings to you & believe in your heart that your sadness is your healing.

Cry when you want. Laugh without guilt. Remember.

Just remember..............

Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I too lost my Susie in May. They are more then pets, they are family and it hurts so much when they go. I still get a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach and my heart breaks for her.

Grieve sweetie, there's nothing wrong with it and take your time
Cry, stomp your feet, yell... do what you have to do and yes, throw that bottle out.

Hang in there, time does help

Leenie
.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I am really sorry. We have had to put our beloved golden retriever Blaze down, and out cat Abby. They really are members of the family and it is so painful saying goodbye...

You are all so beautiful, I never deserved this support and love!! I'm so sorry to drudge up all these painful memories, but I hope the good ones overshadow them. Our animals are such a beautiful part of our families. They teach us and strengthen us and enlighten us and comfort us.
So.
Dear Sidheag's kitty, Rocky, 2old2quit's animal family, Susie, Blaze, and my darling, my angel, my four year old birthday present, Snoopy Girl, who passed on two years and three months ago;
Take care of each other, my darlings, and please welcome Missy with open arms; I know you will. She can run and jump again, like she used to, so go and play, and in forty or fifty or sixty years, I'll be with you again.
Yours, most sincerely,
Moony Ann


**I hope I don't offend anyone's religion here. I feel that I will be with my animals in the afterlife, and if you feel differently, then that's perfectly fine. These are MY thoughts and MY beliefs.

awwwwhhh... I'm so sorry to hear about Missy, you obviously loved and cared for her very much. That's all we can give to them right? She was lucky to have you and you to have her. They are such a gift. hang in there, breath.... It's ok to be sad, in few days you'll be back but give yourself some time.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Omg! I'm so sorry for your loss

Oh, Moony, I'm so sorry you lost Missy. I know that's horrible to go through. You get through it, but never over it. Give yourself time. Please know my thoughts are with you.

I'm so sorry for your loss! I loved your letter to her. It sounds like you gave her the best life there was, and now she's free from pain and able to do all those doggish things dogs do again, wherever she is.

I know exactly what you're going through-- just a couple months ago I went through the same thing. I went off the deepend for a little bit, but things get better. The stretches of time between the intolerable sadness become longer, and you get yourself back.

Grieving is natural and important, and I don't think you don't need to keep yourself in control the whole time. You also don't want to let go so much you can't find your way back, but if you're coming in here for support, and you have your family and your boyfriend, then you're still in enough control to know what you need.

Journalling helped me, as well as doing something a little bit fun & a lot mindless. I didn't *feel* like doing it, but once I made myself do it (and it was just watching silly movies and reading brain-candy fantasy novels), it actually helped me regain a little bit of normalcy. Once some time had gone by I also made a donation in Colby's name to sponsor a stray animal at www.bestfriends.org . I couldn't do it right away, because it made me too sad to see the animals, but a little later it really helped me to do that.

My thoughts are with you. You'll get through this.

I am really sorry for your loss.

My labrador died just before Christmas 2006 - she ate a pound of brown sugar and 6 raw eggs, how an old dog with arthritis could possibly have reached them, I still don't know - and I still miss her.

On the other hand, I found consolation in that I too had given her the best life I could, especially the last year when she was clearly becoming an old doggy anyway.

I have 5 other dogs, and every night I tell them 'see you in the morning, or at rainbow bridge' - so that the last thing they hear from me is the command to go to the bridge.

Hm. pass me the hankie, there are still days when it doesn't help.

Try not to be too hard on yourself, sometimes we just can't be in control, and have to take time to be nice to ourselves.