I'm hoping this makes more sense to someone, because it sure doesn't make sense to me. I'm not trying to seek pity, I'd just like to weight my feelings against a general opionion to see if I'm on the right track, or if I'm just flopping out to begin with. If someone could help me understand this it would do wonders for my mental state, as starting a diet completely depressed because you think you're going to fail is NOT contusive to a healthy or happy future. (Aka: I'm not entering this feeling like I'm fighting a loosing battle.)
Currently I am 5'8" and 205 lbs (aprox. a size 14). I was always chubby when I was little, then in high school I went through the whole eating disorder thing and I lost alot of weight. The lowest I got was 150 (size 6) and EVERYONE started freaking out on me telling me I was too skinny - including my pediatrician. So, needless to say I went to college and got over my dislike for food, and replaced it with the opposite relationship. Now I'm back to being "fluffy", as I like to eloquently put it.
So... I introduce to you my friend, the BMI calculator. Right now it's telling me my BMI is 31 which is Obese. Ok, duh - I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is the fact that it's telling me I can get down to like 122 and still be in the "normal" weight range. That puts me almost 30 lower than I was when my doctors diagnosed me with anorexia. I asked my physician and she told me that now that I was 25, it was safer to weight that little than it was when I was 16. She seems to think that me saying I can’t physically weight 122 is me telling her I’m not willing to diet. (122 would make me like a size 2.) The weight gain has made me depressed and I've been pt on welbutrin because of it - something that I was told would help me loose weight and hasn't. She won't give me any diet medication either, so she's pretty much just depressing me more and not doing anything but making me feel like I have NO amibition to do anything. I was a swimmer for my entire life, I have the line backer shoulders to prove it, I honestly don't think I could EVER hit 122. (Also - my husband and friends have all told me I'd look disgusting.)
So... do I listen to my doctor and the calculator, or my family and the little voices in my head that are telling me there's not way I'm going to make 122? I guess what I’m asking is am I being realistic about what I can achieve or am I just making excuses before I even start?


122 would have been skeletal.

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So there,