I belong to a small quilting group (7 people). We have a potluck once a month and alternate who gets to be the hostess. Most of the food is high fat and there are 2-3 desserts. I did pretty well with the meal, taking small portions and avoiding the bread. A couple of hours later when we had the desserts, a pie had already been cut up and there was a piece at each place. That still left 2 more desserts and I had a small portion of each too, ending up with more sugar (and calories) than I need.

How comfortable are you with just leaving part of what has been served to you? Or leaving food that you have taken, but find you have had enough to eat before finishing it?

I have issues with being "polite" and "not wanting to hurt other people's feelings" by skipping something they made. I don't want to come across as a food ****, but I need to learn how to deal with the dessert issue better.

Since it's an ongoing activity, maybe it would be best if you told the folks in the group that you were "trying to cut down on refined sugar (or more generally, eat more healthy)." If you say you are "trying to lose weight," you might have more problems with folks trying to sabotage you, but fewer folks will try to sabotage an eating plan that sounds more about health than appearance.

That way when you are pre-served a large portion of dessert, you can say something like, "This looks so delicious, I'll just have to try a small piece of it," then separate off the portion you intend to eat (maybe offer the remainder to the others before even tasting it). That way, there is no way that your leaving the remainder could be interpreted as an insult to the dessert itself.

Good luck! It's tough dealing with frequent challenges.

If your friends don't seem to support you eating healthier, you could just pretend to be too full to have dessert, and take it home with you. When you get it home, give it to someone else! Also bring healthier choices with you as your dish, and hopefully, others will jump on the bandwagon!

I have a hard time leaving food, too. I just don't like wasting food. Logically, I tell myself, "The food will be gone either way--in your stomach or in the trash."

I find that if I can resist the initial impulse to finish what is in front of me, ten minutes later, I'm not bothered by it. It's just that initial impulse that's difficult.

Funny, I belong to a quilting group of about the same size, and we also used to do potlucks. Now we've found that (a) we were all eating too much and (b) it was hard for the working gals to contribute to a potluck. Now we still meet at each other's house, but instead of a potluck, the hostess provides ONE dessert. So much easier for everyone. You might sound the others out and see what they thing.

Whoops, I didn't ask if yours is in the daytime or evening. We meet at 6 pm, twice a month. No one is offended if you take a small piece of dessert, and often I still leave some....

Thank you for all the suggestions. Social eating issues come up frequently on3 Fat Chicks, so I know I am not alone. I do take a green salad or a cooked vegetable salad for some lighter fare.

I guess I should have said that I was too full to eat that big of a slice, cut off a couple of bites and return the rest to the tin. I have a thin neighbor who likes dessert (obviously not too often ) that I could pass stuff on to if I took some home because "I was too full". That is certainly true enough only 1-2 hours after a meal. I am trying to learn to eat only when hungry.

We meet at noon on a Saturday, so it's lunch. That actually makes it easier to compensate some later. I basically only need a snack before bed. One dessert would certainly be plenty for our group, but having a lot of dessert seems to be an important part of the get-together.

I don't have any suggestions other than the good ones already offered, but I just wanted to say that I have always *hated* having my food plated and served to me without anyone asking whether or not I want any. Unless I'm in a restaurant, I prefer to serve myself.

In-law visits are always tough for me and this is one reason. MIL always plates everyone's food -- so we all get an equal portion of each dish made, including dessert. At breakfast, she always does a bread plate - usually a white English muffin slathered in butter or sometimes several kinds of pastries cut up. The first couple years of marriage I would eat these to "not rock the boat," but now I've started to just eat what I want and ignore the pastries or whatever. MIL is not the sort that I could simply explain this to... she would get all sensitive and offended. Last visit though, I believe she started to get it. By the last day of the visit, she was telling us to fix our own plates so we could "get what we want."

Sorry for getting a little off topic by sharing my own peeve... but really, why do people so often ASSUME that everyone wants pie or rice or whatever the food may be?

Claire--I didn't appreciate having the pie plated for me. Your example of your MIL problem is a good illustration of taking responsibility for what you eat and making the best choices you can given what you are offered. Glad to hear that situation is getting better. That would drive me wild!

I'm pretty sure it's not polite to deny food. Firstly you can tell somebody you're not hungry, which if it is the truth wont offend your friend or secondly explain your trying to be good and again if they're a friend they should understand. I think you need to erase this feeling of being in-polite if you tell somebody no, thats not true at all.

I find I can't really leave food thats on my plate regardless of how full I feel so my answer is this - Don't serve the tempting food at all, just say no. Or ask for a really small portion.

I find that the "cutting down on sugar/eating healthier choices" phrases work better than "I'm trying to lose weight" at my current weight (which is just 3 lbs. less than yours). Most of my relatives (and all of my DH's relatives) laugh when I say I'm trying to lose weight and say that I'm skinny enough to eat several desserts.

Most people won't say no to your "healthier choices". I've even taken to lying now and again and saying I'm pre-adult onset diabetic with the really hard-core dessert set/drinkers who insist that I can have just "one drink/piece of cake/etc.)

Dagmar

Lauren--I don't like to waste food, so it would be hard for me not to clean my plate when I served myself. So I will need to be careful with what I take so I don't have too much, a challenge for a potluck with a lot of different foods or a buffet.

Mudpie--I actually do have health concerns. I have an apple-shaped body, and at 63 have all my excess fat around my waist and abdomen. I have a family history of Type 2 diabetes. Apple bodies don't handle sugar well, particularly if a big meal is still being digested. An onslaught of fat and sugar is quickly converted to fat that is stored in the belly (You on a Diet). Yikes!

I'm not originally from the U.S, things are a little different back home in the U.K, or at least from what I remember......I just don't get why people here get offended if you politely refuse food. As long as you thank your host but, politely refuse the food there shouldn't be a problem. If you don't want the food for whatever reason, you don't want it...ya know? Or maybe thats just a difference in culture that I'll never understand.

I too do not like to throw food away. Food is too expensive, not enough people in the world have enough food to eat.....

Someone on 3fc said, regarding the hesitancy to discard food, "I'd rather waste it than WAIST it." Remembering these words has helped me on occasion.

Re: saying no thank you....I agree that statements like I'm trying to stay away from sugar can be useful. But so can, "my doctor says I cannot eat sugar." (As I'm typing this I can almost hear the wisea$$ who is digging into her sweets say, "Mine did too.")

I guess once the decision is made to get healthier it's just semantics. Do what you need to do and say what you need to say to live long and healthy.

Bananapancakes---interesting observation. I can't come up with a fast answer to that one. It could be related to the fact that mindless eating is so rampant in this country. People wouldn't push food on other people if they understood the idea of eating just enough to satisfy hunger.

Kittycat40---Thanks for the quote. That will probably help me out too.

True, true.

I have witnessed people sort of pushing food on others here but, I find it's not my generation that do it, it's people a little older usually (I'm 26). The only time I ever experienced someone my own age pushing food on me was a friend who it turns out was very jealous of my weight loss and unfortunately didn't want me to succeed for whatever reason.