I'm not saying that I blame my mom (no one can force me to eat bad food) but she says that it's healthy to have rules when falling off the diet wagon. Like how men have their rules on cheating (it's not cheating if you're drunk and so on). I was wondering if anyone else agrees with my mom? Will it save me heartache and guilt by coming up with diet breaking rules or am I giving myself a way out of not feeling responsible for any weight gain or lack of weight loss? I feel so torn. The fat girl in me is hoping for excuses to eat what I want but the fighter in me wants to stick to my guns and not give an inch.

In reading your post, I think you already know the answer.

I disagree with your Mom. You are right: you would be only be letting yourself off the hook for making poor choices.

For myself, and many others, one of the most important apects to weight-loss is taking responsibility for it. IMHO, giving yourself "rules" about going off your plan is basically just giving yourself permission to make poor choices without feeling any guilt about it.

We all fall off the wagon, but forgiving yourself for it and making excuses about why it's really "okay" are two different things.

I don't give myself excuses at all. Christmas, birthdays, vacations etc are just the same as any other day. I'm not saying I'm 100% perfect but if I do fall off the wagon I get straight back on, no excuses necessary, ever.

Kitty

With regard to husbands: Cheating is cheating, of course, regardless of Zip code, being drunk, etc.

For me, the answer has been calorie counting. There isn't any "cheating" or "not cheating," because I can eat anything--I simply have to count it and keep within my daily allotment. It doesn't take long to see what kind of choices one has to make and to make them. I think Weight Watchers works the same way--except you count WW points.

Some folks do allow what they call a "cheat meal" once a week. I think on The Biggest Loser one of the trainers was talking about that. IMO, from a mental viewpoint, it's easier and saner to PLAN to have a big meal, than it is to call it a "cheat meal." I know it's just a phrase, but why not use a different phrase?

I would say, you haven't been losing weight long enough to be thinking of ways around your program. You don't say what you're following, but I'd stay strictly on plan for at least a couple of months before trying to think of wiggle room.

You hang in there!

Jay

Admit up front that there may be times when you decide to eat something that you normally would avoid . . . that stuff happens, we are all human after all.

Don't make excuses for it . . . just pick yourself up and getting heading in the great downward direction again. Above all else, don't let one little (or big) slip convince you to continue to ruin the day, week, or month.

You can do it, Chickie . . .

Is it really worth it? How far well that "cheat" set you back? Is is worth taking a chance on veeriing off plan and then having a very hard time going back ON plan? Do you want to lose weight, or don't you? Will that "cheat" get you closer to your goals?

I think "splurges" as I like to call them are okay sometimes. But in the very beginning of a journey, IMO it's best to really, really STICK with this. Show who''s boss, if you know what I mean. Those splurges will always be around. They're not going anywhere.

And sure we do need rules *IF* we fall off the wagon, like getting right back ON the wagon - immediately, but I think it's best at t his point tostick to your guns, with all your might. You're really early into this venture. You've GOT TO GIVE IT YOUR ALL. You will be thrilled with yourself and get EVEN stronger the longer you STICK WITH THIS. You've got to build some momentum. Keep on building. STICK WITH IT. You won't regret it for one teeny, tiny second. Will you be able to say that if you "cheat"?

Remember, you CAN do this, because it IS a doable thing.

Cheating? Who are you "cheating"? Yourself!!! We always have times when we are tempted to eat things that we know we shouldn't have. Make a concious decious to have something, or not. You chose everything that you put in your mouth. I count calories, so it's easier for me. I don't follow any plan, I just eat healthy and stay within my alloted calorie count.

There are always going to be occasions that focus on food. We celebrate with food, we reward ourselves with food, we socialize with food. There are wedding's, holidays, birthdays....you name it, the list goes on. Are you going to over eat on all those days? How about all those barbeues this summer? Eating well is not a punishment. It's making you healthy.

That said, don't beat yourself up if you do fall off the wagon. We all do at one time or another. Just don't let yourself continue. Don't wait untill the next day to start over, start over the next bite that goes into your mouth!

Good luck, you can do this!

On the one hand, we all make mistakes. No one is perfect, and we have to learn how to move on from them.

But in my mind, that is different from justifying off plan behaviors by creating random "rules". Your body doesn't care what mind games you play....it treats a calorie like a calorie. Just like chlamydia doesn't care if a guy is drunk. The result is the same.

Agreed--- you got in the predicament you're in now b/c all we DID was cheat and make excuses and be IGNORANT.

There are no "rules" for cheating. It's just being ignorant.

I second the other people on here--- if I want... if I NEEEEEEDDDDD something badly (chocolate, ice cream, etc) then I have it. But I have it in a sensible portion or, if not possible to avoid the bigger portion, I make sure I "punish" myself the next day. (In other words, if I go out to eat and I eat something b/c it was there and I couldn't stop myself and "shoot, now what have I done???" happens and I get up to 2300 calories, well, the next couple days I make sure my calories are lower (not starving, but maybe 1400 calories or something) to make up for it.

You have to be able to do this for the REST OF YOUR LIFE so make whatever "rules" will allow you to STILL LOSE WEIGHT and yet incorporate some of your favorite foods. Maybe some things can NEVER be involved. Like, I will never order a burger from a fast food place ever again- I don't need them, don't want them too much, and there are other options if I happen to get "Stuck" eating at a fast food joint.

Midwife "Just like chlamydia doesn't care if a guy is drunk. The result is the same." AHHAAHAHA--- too funny!

Midwife - I believe this will now enter my head every time I'm even considering eating something that I haven't planned for! >_< Talk about about an appetite killer!

Maybe you'd like to not be so strict w/ your diet and that's ok. It's best that you find a way to continue on plan while feeling that you're not deprived. So, if for you, that means having an occasional treat or indulgent meal, then let yourself do it...if that sort of thing helps you continue. For me, that doesn't work. I need to be following things exactly right and maybe that's a bit too obessive, but I know myself and having treats will just make me want more. I'm a food addict. I think your mom means well because maybe eating with you is a way for you to share a special bond...as is common in many families. However, maybe you could make something together that looks sinful and tastes great, but is actually acceptable? I don't know, I'm just thinking outloud. Either way, I hope you found some valuable answers with your question.

Take care,
Irena

I guess it is clear that when that is the best analogy I can come up with, you know what kind of week I've had in the clinic.....

Sorry, Faerie!

If it keeps me on plan during tough times, Midwife, then by all means, thank you for putting it as such!

I must say that your mother has some strange ideas. A cheat is a cheat. Period.

EXCELLENT POINT!!! I think too often when we "diet" we think of it as punishment. That is such destructive thinking!! The same goes with exercise. I feel if we think of food and exercise is punishment we set ourselves to feel we can later "reward" ourselves with high calorie, high fat, empty calories and abandon regular exercise. Think of what those "rewards" really are...obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart attack, diebeties, just to name a few. No the kind of "rewards" I want.

I am going to assume you are journaling your food intake and that you are exercising. If you do this you know how many calories are in what you eat, if you go over your daily allotment then you have to do something to compenate for it. A little more time working out, or increasing the intensity, cutting a few calories then next day or two (still staying in a safe range).

Still the best thing you can do is PLAN!! If I want a chocolate bar, I work it into my plan. I know Newmans Own Sweet Dark Chocolate bar has 170 calories, I can have it as long as my daily calorie total doesn't exceed 1750.

I do think your mom has a valid idea, in general, she just stated it wrong. When dieting you should not deprive yourself of foods you love. You should find a way to work them into a healthy eating plan. But you shouldn't use holidays, vacations, social gatherings to abandon sensible eating. It has been my experience that once you start eating healthy and on plan you are more motivated to stay on plan...no matter what!!

I will get off my now!!!