OK, this may sound like one giant rant, but please bear with me for the moment being. I promise, I'm not usually like this.

I moved to Louisville, KY about a year ago with my fiance. His parents offered to let us live in their house (they moved into a condo nearby, so we're here alone) for a reduced rent price. It sounded too good to be true, but once we finally moved and everything settled, it was working great.

Or so I thought!

His parents need to file for bankruptcy now. So many reasons as to why this has come to be, but it's just what needs to be done. And it's going to be soon. Soon, soon. Which means what? It means that the house we currently are renting from them (which is in their name) will go into foreclosure and we're going to have to move. SOON. So here we are, my fiance and myself, thrown into the house-hunting game when:

a) we're not financially capable or ready, and
b) we have a wedding coming up in 40 days that is stressing us out enough as it is.

It would have been different if we DECIDED to start to look for a house so close to our wedding date. But this is a completely different story...we're basically being forced to look for a place, because if we don't find one soon, we'll be without a home in the next few weeks.

And what's worse....is our wedding is in Massachusetts. I'm from Massachusetts, and we both agreed to the wedding being there. But it's about 5 million times harder to plan a wedding from 1000 miles away, trust me! Everything needs to be done by phone and e-mail....and if a vendor needs something from me....I need to ship it to my mother and have her deliver it to the vendor! Talk about stressful!!! And now that we're getting so close to the date, it's getting even more stressful (as most wedding planning does), so throw MOVING on top of that plate...it's just insane!!

Oh, and to put a cherry on top of a fabulous situation (note the sarcasm), I also work for his parents. His parents own a store. Oh, but what's that??? The store is going to be closing soon, because his parents are going to be declaring bankruptcy.

So, I'll have no job. Which means I've also been job hunting in the past few weeks (which is discouraging, because I'm finding out that even though I'm a hard worker, no one cares about my qualifications). Job hunting, wedding planning, house hunting, moving plans, and worry about losing my current job?? AHHHH!! I'm just so stressed. So very, very stressed.

We tried looking into getting an apartment, but the rent costs for an apartment are about the same, if not MORE than it would cost per month for the mortgage we can "afford" (afford right now, but keep in mind I'll be losing my job). And we also thought about maybe buying the house we're currently renting from his parents, but it's WAY out of our price range (not just a few thousand, hundreds of thousands out of our price range).

I guess I'm just trying to vent my stress to SOMEONE, ANYONE who will listen. I just can't believe how much stress I have right now. I don't know what to do. It's so hard to try to get through these days with a smile on my face sometimes and I'm so lost. Is it horrible of me to wish that my fiance and I had eloped? Because it would be one less thing to stress about.

Does anyone have any advice? Any words of wisdom from experience, or just from being an outsider looking into my situation? Please, I'm willing to listen to anything right now!

While I can certainly understand how stressed you are feeling, try to calm down and take things one step at a time . . . and just to put a little different perspective on things for you -- imagine how tough this must be for your about-to-be in-laws. I don't imagine they are feeling all that relaxed either.

Buying a house is a big undertaking, I would recommend trying to find an apartment and signing a 6 month lease - that would give you some peace of mind to finalize the wedding, get married, enjoy your honeymoon and then come home and find a good job. Once you get a job - then you can tackle finding the right house!

You really don't want to overextend yourself buying a house - be ready!

I agree. Rent. You certainly won't qualify for a mortgage without a job.

Stress and I are good friends!

Mine was due to some scary and ongoing health
problems and learning disabilities with my children.
(Long story - migraines, collapsed lungs,
open chest surgery, severe dyslexia - all have
a happy ending, thank goodness).

Anyway, when things would tend to overtake me
I'd do two things - one was write out a plan and
figure out what was the next step and then concentrate
only on that next step. Get it done, go onto the step after
that. The other was to list all the things
in our lives that was going well and was good. That helped
keep things in perspective. Oh, and a third! Repeat, over
and over, usually in the shower - this too shall pass or
what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Oldest are in college, youngest going next year. Health
problems and learning disability conquered. It really does
pass and I *am* stronger.

hth,
k

Definitely rent until you're in a much more stable position. I'm so sorry to hear about this, it sounds super stressful - meditation and yoga can help a lot in situations like that, if you can find even a single free moment. Do you need to stay in KY for your husband's job, or might it be possible to move up to MA for a while, as long as you need some family around that you can lean on? Best of luck to your in laws, as well, that sounds really difficult.

I'm also in the "rent for a few months" group.

I realize you said that rent costs are as much as a mortgage, but there is far more cost to owning and buying a house than just the mortgage. You'd be much better off renting for a few months and waiting until your other situations are stable ... until you find a job, until the wedding is over, etc.

Trust me on this one ... I've been in almost your exact position. Not with bankruptcy, but with working for family and suddenly being w/out a job and in the middle of a wedding and house buying and everything else.

.

I was recently in a stressful situation...I bit off a little more than I could chew in a few diffrent aspects of my life and after awhile just broke down. I couldn't even think straight, all I could think about was all the crap I had to do. It wasn't a good stress either...I was so stressed but so overwhelmed that I didn't know where to begin and got nothing done. I was achy, tierd, and had a hard time getting out of bed. I eventually had a conversation with my mom where I broke down and sobed hysterically. Finally getting my mom to understand what I'd been going through and that she supported my decision to take a little longer finishing school felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

First of all I would say don't be afraid to ask for help...I think as women alot of times we feel like we have to do everything ourselves. Ask the people around you to help you any way they can. Don't feel like you have to do everything yourself.

To go along with everyone here I would recommend renting. Possibly even finding a place on craigs list...renting a room from a house with a few other room-mates or if you could maybe share a 2 bedroom apt with another couple it would be MUCH cheaper than renting just the 2 of you. Also craigs list/classifieds would have places like possibly a basement apartment which could be cheaper than looking only at commercial apt buildings. I would make finding a cheap, temporary place to live your number one priority.

I believe the conventional advise on renting vs. buying is that it is only cheaper to buy if you plan on staying there for at least 5 years. The situation I'm in now, my rent is cheaper than the taxes in the area.

Also the number one cause of divorce in the US is financial issues...I would recommend reading some books on personal finance...ie how much of your money you should be saving, where you should be saving it etc...like Suze Orman.

Personally I would put finding a job off until after the wedding. It's about a month away...I wouldn't want to start a new job, then have to immediately take time off to get married and deal with an upcomming wedding while starting a new job. IT seems like the job thing is stressing you out...if you go into a job interview giving off nervous, stressed vibes...rather than confident ones...it won't help. If you go into looking for a job once you have the housing/wedding situation settled, it will probably be easier to find the right one and impress on an interview.

Once the 2 of you are married both have stable jobs/income and have a temporary place to live...THEN I would focus on maybe buying a house or finding a more long term place to rent.