I'm a teacher. This really can't be true, but almost!
This is the kind of cr*p we have to put up with under "No Child Left Behind".
Severe Weather Testing Protocols
1. Should a severe weather situation occur during
testing, please remain calm. To display any kind of
anxiety would be a testing irregularity and must be
reported.
2. Please do not look out the window to watch for
approaching tornadoes. You must monitor the students at
all times. To do otherwise would be a testing irregularity
and must be reported.
3. Should students notice an approaching tornado and
begin to cry, please make every effort to protect their
testing materials from the flow of tears and sinus
drainage.
4. Should a flying object come through your window
during testing, please make every effort to ensure that it
does not land on a testing booklet or an answer sheet.
Please make sure to soften the landing of the flying
object so that it will not disturb the students while
testing.
5. Should shards of glass from a broken window come
flying into the room, have the students use their bodies
to shield their testing materials so that they will not be
damaged. Have plenty of gauze on hand to ensure that no
one accidentally bleeds on the answer documents. Damaged
answer sheets will not scan properly.
6. Should gale force winds ensue, please have everyone
stuff their test booklets and answer sheets into their
shirts…being very careful not to bend them because bent
answer documents will not scan properly.
7. If any student gets sucked into the vortex of the
funnel cloud, please make sure they mark at least one
answer before departing…and of course make sure they leave
their answer sheets and test booklets behind. You will
have to account for those.
8. Should a funnel cloud pick you, the test
administrator, up and take you flying over the rainbow,
you will still be required to account for all of your
testing materials when you land so please take extra
precautions. Remember, once you have checked them out,
they should never leave your hands.
9. When rescue workers arrive to dig you out of the
rubble, please make sure that they do not, at any time,
look at or handle the testing materials. Once you have
been treated for your injuries, you will still be
responsible for checking your materials back in. Search
dogs will not be allowed to sift through the rubble for
lost tests…unless of course they have been through
standardized test training.
10. Please do not pray should a severe weather situation
arise. Your priority is to actively monitor the test and a
student might mark in the wrong section if you are praying
instead of monitoring. I’m sure God will put war, world
hunger, crime, and the presidential primaries on hold
until after testing is over. He knows how important this
test is.
Great!