Hello my fellow low carb dieters!!! I havent’t really posted anything lately..not because I was too busy but because I’ve been feeling down lately and I lost the little self confidence I had.
It all began about 2 ½ weeks ago. A couple of my friends and I went clubbing to celebrate a friends 20th birthday. Well when we got there one of my good friend decided to leave the group and to go sit down next to this security guard. Me and my other good friend decided to periodically go to her every 10 or 15 mins to check if she was alright because we had been pre-drinking and she fell the moment we got in the club (the drinking age is 19 in Ontario…lol no underage drinking). Probably like 2 hrs later I couldn’t find her and a couple of my other friends so I felt alone and I decided to go and sit next to the security guard where my friend was sitting. Me and the security guard started talking (I’m not sure who initiated the conversation). It ended with me getting his number.
The next morning after waking up from a hangover me and my friend (the one that fell..I had slept over her house) were recapping what had happened a couple of hours ago. She told me about what happened with the security guard and how they exchanged numbers. On my way home from her house I deleted his number from my phone because I realized that he was not into me. Mainly because we did not switch numbers. I only had his number.
When I got home she called me and I told her that I deleted his number from my phone. She was basically telling me that he does like me and that he was going to call and I said that he wasn’t because how can he call if he doesn’t have my number. I kept telling her that he liked her and not me because he asked for her number and not mine. She then told me that in the club after I left he told her that he had gotten my number (which I found out later that she lied to me).
The next day which was a Sunday at around 11pm she calls me and tells me that he called her at 6pm (she lives alone but her mom comes on the weekend). I was shocked that she was telling me so late because we are really close. She decided to tell our other friend instead. This hurt because usually she tells me everything the second after it happens…not a couple hours later.
Monday me and a couple of my friends meet every Monday and have lunch together because we all have the same break time. While at lunch the security guard topic came up and she was talking about it and I felt awkward because half the stuff she was saying she did not tell me when we had the conversation the night before (like how he was going to come by her house on Thursday). Everyone knew that I had liked him and he called her so I felt embarrassed and awkward around the situation. After school while I was going home she asked me if I was alright with everything and I lied and told her that I was and that I would get over him because I get over people easily (I wasn’t okay with it..I felt awkward and the reason I said that was because I don’t like telling people what to do.). The moment I said bye to her all I wanted to do was to cry. I didn’t until I got home.
It took me a while but I got over him. From the first day that he called her, he’s been calling her daily. For the long weekend we went back to the same club. I usually have a fun time when we go out but this time I couldn’t…no matter how drunk I was I just couldn’t. I broke down in the club. I went to an isolated area and I just started to cry. I was over him but the whole situation in itself made me loose my self confidence. I felt rejected. I felt alone and I felt betrayed. I had no one to blame but myself. At one point in the club she asked me to go with her to look for the security guard and I told her no because it was awkward.
My friend was picking me up from her house after we went clubbing that night. When I got back to her house she asked me what’s wrong because she saw that I was miserable at the club. I told her I was okay. She asked if it had to do with the security guard and I was like a little. She then was like why.. he doesn’t even remember who you are. When she said that I felt so furious. It was like adding salt to an open wound. The next morning I told her everything and how the whole situation made me hate myself. I also found out that she lied about several things. The thing that hurt the most is that she kept pumping it up that he liked me because. She had told me some stuff the week before that he said and she was now telling me that she said those things because she knew how I felt about him.
Right now he calls her everyday. And when he calls she’s like a kid in a candy store. She says she’s just using him as a fling to get over her previous relationship but I would beg to defer. I keep thinking if they get serious it would be the most awkwardest (not a word) situation ever. Sometimes I think I'm just being selfish.
Deep down I thought that she wouldn’t do anything with him because she knew how I felt about him. But she did and it makes the situation even worse. When I feel sad I tend to eat things that I’m not suppose and he isn’t worth me falling off the wagon but its hard and I sorta don’t know how to get over this. I feel alone like I can’t talk to anyone because I feel as if my rock (the person that I confide in) is being thrown at me. I was pretty much depressed 95% of my high school years and I really don't want to go back.
