I hate it!!! I have to do to a big event this week and I dread it b/c of my weight! Many of the people I will see have not seen me in years and I dread the awful comments that insensitive people make. I am trying very hard to tell myself that this event is not "about me" but it's hard. Any suggestions?

That being said...I am working my plan and eventually I will no longer (ever again have to live with this anxiety...(for those of you that are wondering...guys worry about this too!)

On last thing...When I do reach my goal and no longer have these fears...I will do my best to make others who may be in this situation more comfortable by focusing on what really is important about them...their friendship...

You. Are. Not. Just. Your. Weight!

So some folks are going to see you at a different weight than what they might have known you at before...people gain and lose lbs quite frequently. And, most likely, other folks there will be different sizes too.

My experience at an event like this is that EVERYONE there...every last person, down to the skinny, gorgeous ones, is worrying about some flaw that they think everyone is fixating on. Wrinkles, gray hair...at high school prom, girls were afraid to get pimples. As adults, we're afraid of wrinkles, age spots, bad hair...whatever it is, we all worry.

The nice thing about an event like this? Since everyone is worrying about whatever flaw they imagine they have, they don't really focus on anyone else. It always blew me away to hear after an event from people that they spent the whole time wondering whether people were judging their shoes or wrinkles or pimples...things that I didn't even notice, because I was too busy focusing on my weight or my hair or whatever the flaw of the hour was for me. Made me realize that, most of the time, people are too worried about themselves to pay much attention to how other people look in comparison, especially at a big event.

One final note...don't assume that reaching your goal weight is the magic step to getting rid of those fears! I thought it'd fix my social anxieties to be a normal weight, and it has improved them a little, but I still worry about how I look, still compare my body to those around me, and still have some serious insecurities. Losing weight won't fix self-esteem issues...and just as those other people are important to you because of who they are, not their weight, you have so many defining characteristics that have nothing to do with weight.

That is so very true!
Most of the time, when people stare at you, they don't even see you. They only see themselves into your eyes like in a mirror. They don't even notice your pimple or your red scarf you paid a fortune on...they are only hunting your mimics, your gestures, your reactions on how they've impressed you!

And how many times we've did the same...Just try to remember! Think of your first "official" randez-vous with the man of your dreams. Have you ever noticed his tie that he spend so much effort to find? No, you've never had, though, you've been looking at him. But you wanted to see ONLY how he reacts when he sees your sexy dress...

TakingBk, am I correct that you are a rooster rather than a hen?

I know what you mean. My big decision to change things for good came when I had to buy new clothes for my mother's commemoration event after she had passed away. The clothes I had no longer fit--I had outgrown them. And I knew that everyone there would be thinking how fat I had gotten. Of course, I don't think that was true, and even if they did notice my size, the event wasn't about me, it was about my mom. So that helped me keep perspective.

Look your best. Don't worry. You're changing. Hang in there!

Jay

Yes JayEll I'm a rooster!

Thank you for your kind words!!