Hi, Chicks (and Roosters?)

After about 2 weeks of intense bingeing episodes, I'm back. I stopped posting here (but read a lot), and somehow led myself to believe that food was my only friend, my only solace. I ate alot...there's a bunch of stressful stuff going on in my life...the usual pattern, so I'm not going to bother with details.
Anyway, now that I'm finally back to the point where I'm ready to stop letting the binges affect my family and social life, and I realize just how much like crap I feel...I want to get back on the 'Doing OK Train'.

I was reading an old thread, where the poster mentioned doing a 28 day challenge. I'm going to start with that...my goal will be 28 days binge free, getting lots more water, and focus my meals mainly on lean protein, and lots of fruits and veggies. I am also going to try to eat as close to nature as possible...less sugar and processed carbs.

I tried to make yesterday my day #1, but that fell through. I really need support and accountability with people who have been through all this, and understand where I'm coming from. Please feel free to join me in my challenge, or just come and post...



P.S. For more about the challenge...read my blog

Hi Penelope, welcome back! I've been having a lot of problems too, ever since Christmas. I have good intentions and will go to the grocery store to pick up eggs or something, and before I know it, I am driving away with my hand in a bag of chips! How does that happen? Your story sounds like mine. I haven't updated my ticker in a few weeks because I haven't been on the scale; I am afraid of what I will see. I vow to weigh myself tomorrow and update my ticker. I will join you in your 28 days of binge free living. Let's take it one day at a time, maybe that mindset will make it easier. We can do it!

Hey you two! May I join you?! Reread your posts BUT add my name to the end of them! Same story here! I am 10 days binge free currently....but would love to join you for encouragement and support! One day at a time! One choice at a time! We will do this!

Robyn

Hey!

Welcome back. 28 days binge free sounds like an excellent idea. I'm so sorry that you've been having trouble with binging lately. MSN is great, I'm on a lot!!! It's a great way to stop the binging.

hi girls, I have been binge-free since november 7,2007. after two birthdays, and halloween candy that seemed to be around since august , i got control of myself yet again..... ugh! i always try to remember that feeling that you get, you know, when you realize what you've done to yourself. avoiding the scale, clothes are tight again, bloated and overall disgust with what i have done. i never feel good about binging, even while iam binging (does that make any sense to anyone) who does this to themselves? and why oh why do i continue to do it! I gained control of myself in november by pure accident, my sister in law died from a short battle with cancer, and my husband was devestated. so i went into a constant state of nausea, from flying up north for the services, and then we got home and a week later, my husband gets laid off from his job of seven years!!!! so while the circumstances werent of my choosing, i think in the back of my mind it was the one and only thing i could control in my out of control life. and so there began the journey. I will say that going into and through the holidays without gaining and actually losing weight was very gratifying. I finally had control over something in my life, and i was not going to give it up. i used to plan my binges(does anyone else do this?) and i dont even have the slightest desire to do one. I have this idea dancing in my head everyday that i dont ever want to feel out of control again, and i guess that means the food issues too! it has carried out into other areas of my life as well, as a stay at home mom of three for the last 7 years, i applied and got a part time job at school. i am where my kids are, and it feels sort of empowering to be this new,somehwhat confident person. I can tell you honestly, that before i had dropped the 80 pounds, i would have never applied for a job at a school,(kids can be so cruel) and i would have suppressed all of my sadness of the events of november with food. sorry for the long post, its been a while since i have seen a post about binge eating, and i started to type and couldnt stop. thanks for listening, take it one day at a time......one meal at a time.

Aw, you guys! Reading the replies to my post actually made me tear up This is why I love these forums...there is just so much support, and understanding.

Trooworld and HatterasMermaid - Thank you for joining me.
Cats tongue - Thank you for being there to talk to! I've shared alot with you that I've never talked about with anyone else, and I'm so lucky to have your support!
fabat45 - Thank you for posting! Your post was very motivating, and very honest.

Today after we went grocery shopping (before we even got to the checkout), I got sooo depressed about having good food in my cart. I was throwing a pity party because I didn't have any of the binge fuel that I wanted. Which can be almost any food now days, once I get started. I even got grumpy at DB, and wouldn't tell him what was wrong. When I said no to the Booster Juice, and no to the icecream that DB offered me, I should have felt good about it. But I just felt sorry for myself.

It used to feel good. Now it feels like I'm saying no to a huge part of my happiness. (Totally not true, I know)

Tomorrow night, I will be alone. And one part of my mind is already planning my binge. "If I just have a little protein for breakfast, and no lunch, I can have a large dinner. Plus, if I exercise after I get home, I can eat even more. Active people can eat more, right?"

Don't get me wrong, I KNOW that this behaviour - these thoughts - is just a result of a habit. I realized tonight that one reason for my binges is because, now that I'm a very broke student, food is the one thing I can still 'treat' myself to (I know that it isn't really a treat, but bear with me for a minute). I can no longer afford to get a manicure or pedicure, get my eyebrows done or my hair colored or cut...nothing. Nada. Zip. I have to pinch every damn penny just to pay rent. It feels horrible. So I eat more food then I can actually afford to be consuming, when it could actually last for a week. And it makes me feel horrible. But as soon as I wake up and the pressure and pain in my stomach has eased a little, I just want to do it again.

Phew! Ok, please understand that I am not a completely negative person every day, all day long. These binges are the most negative part of my life at the present time, and I KNOW that I really need to get them under control. A part of me doesn't WANT to. But I can't wait until I gain a bunch of weight for the wake up call to be serious enough for me to straighten up!

GRR. Thank you for letting me vent, and thank you for reading!

Hey Penelope,

Have you considered seeing a counselor? Does your school have a health service where students can get help or referrals? Because this may be a problem you need help with.

I can see that rationally you know that this behavior isn't good--and that's a good thing because you can use your mind to help stop yourself. But you may also need some therapy to get beyond it.

Please look around--see what is available--sometimes groups are available at low cost or no cost.

Also, 3FC has a forum named Chicks in Control where others who have problems with eating can post and get replies:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=64

In the meantime, stick with your plan! Hang on!

Jay

....and posts like ^ one are the reason that Jay is a moderator! What a helpful thread Jay linked! I just read a couple of the stickies! Very powerful! Check that thread out! The chicks there GET IT!

I have to constantly do what I call "self talk". I constantly have to convince myself that I *CAN* do this! Penelope, my heart just cries that you KNOW what will happen if you keep up with your binges! I *AM* at the place where I've had a serious wake up call. I know that everyone has to get to their own "place"; however..... it would be sooooo much easier if you could get there BEFORE you are labeled morbidly obese by a doctor! If I had only known then what I know now! ((((hugs)))) of support! (Follow Jay's advice!)

Robyn

Hi Jay and Mermaid,

Thank you for the advice, and for responding. I had another bad night last night, but today, I have found the right mindset for a fresh start. Just like before, I'm sick of the negative physical and mental consequences of a binge, but even more then that, I finally want to be binge free more then I want the food.

I think one of the reasons for this is reading KorenMichelle's post yesterday. Lately, I have to admit that the majority of my forum reading was people talking about eating too much, etc. Misery loves company Finally starting to seek out positive reinforcements helped me break through my funk.

It's definately going to help that I'll be working after school for the next 3 days, and working all weekend long. My first day alone at home would be Monday, but I'm going to make plans, because I don't feel that I'll be strong enough yet to be by myself and okay.

I'm going to focus very diligently on three things in my diet: water, protein, and fresh produce (fruits and veggies). I've done a LOT of carb bingeing, and I am so ready to take a break from them. I'm also going to get rid of as much sugar as possible.

I'm still doing my binge free challenge, except I'm changing it to 21 days. I'm not sure why, but it seems more doable.

I've posted in and read the Chicks in Control forum for a long time...it really is great. I'm a part of the Binge-Free Challenge Week that's going on right now.

So, cheers to day #1 to the rest of my life!