Hi Y'all,
After a few days of abstinence it's easy to forget the pain and **** of overeating.
So thought I'd start a thread on remembering the pain.

I used to wake up after a binge feeling the stale food in my stomach. My body was sore. I was so depressed I could barely get out of bed. I couldn't believe I'd DONE IT AGAIN!
When I'd start binge eating I could not stop. I became like an animal, my only thought was food. Too bad for my husband and family, I just wanted them out of the way so I could eat......
I'd get in the car and drive through drive thrus. I felt like I was in a trance, my own private nightmare.
I had headaches non stop from all the sugar and crap. My clothes didn't fit. I'd wear the same old ugly track suit everyday because it's the only thing that would fit me. I'd wear long coats in summer to cover my body.
I'd lie that I was cold when I was damn sweaty just to hide my massive weight gain.
I'd eat out of my bin the next day, all the left over binge foods from the night before. My husband would watch movies on his own, I was too busy in the kitchen eating anything I could get my hands on.
I'd buy boxes of cereal and a day later it was in the trash empty. I stuffed myself till I was hurt, stuffed, numb, sick and yet I still wanted more food.

I became this angry, depressed person I didn't want to know. I hated normal people. I used to be a model and now I was a fat overweight, out of work person. I used to have dreams, in the food I didn't care if I died.

I used to envy old people, the lucky people would be dead soon.
I couldn't understand myself, I felt like a freak.
I'd take days off work too busy in the middle of a binge. I cancelled fgamily gatherings too ashamed of my weight.

I don't want to forget how bad it gets. The disease tells me I can have one. My history tells me I can't
Thank you to everyone on here for giving me hope that one day at a time I don't have to live like this!!!

God bless
Susie x

Hi Susie,
God Bless!
Thanks for sharing your story.
I never had binges, but I overate every time I did eat.
I know the depression and that pain.
I am so proud of you for sharing with us the pain of your disease.
Thank you,

Arggggg I'm back in the food

Feeling all of the above

We tend to glamourize the "high" that food gave us...We have to remind ourselfs of the low crappy times....((HUGS))

Spirit Angel- what you wrote on your first post is what so many of us experience- print it out and keep it with you- read it when the compulsion kicks in. I totally understand, but recovery is gonna take some reaching out for help as you are doing. We CAN NOT do this alone. Hugs.

Susie, I wish you all the best, and all the willpower you need to get back on top of this! Thank you for starting this post.

You had the strength to go days at a time. You need to find that strength again. It's possible.

I've had two days of overeating - to the point where my stomach feels stretched and I'm in soo much pain. Here are some of the things that I don't want to forget:

How even drinking water hurt, because it made the junk in my stomach expand.

Worrying that my stomach might burst, because it hurt so much.

Looking at my stomach in the mirror and thinking that I looked like a child in a third world country - huge, extended belly. Or 6 months pregnant and overweight, only in my belly area.

Feeling so sick at the restaurant tonight, that moving made me feel pukey. I could barely focus on the conversation.

Beating myself up so much due to the eating that I can't enjoy my time with DB.

I feel like I partially wasted the last two nights that we are going to be able to share in what could be a while. I didn't enjoy cramming that food down my throat - for the most part, it wasn't even food that I enjoy, and certainly not in those amounts. This is where it stops!

Lots of s, Susie. Please keep us updated, and come here often for support!