One hour at a time is how I handle this time of year. Abstinent days are building up, which is wonderful, but I’m saved from complacency by the deep inner awareness that I’m not ‘cured’, and I need a lot of help to keep this precious gift.

Christmas has its lovely elements, but it’s also a time of high emotion. I’m keeping it very simple. I’m actually working on the 25th – or at least on call, which suits my program. I have lots of nice family outings planned around the hols, and will cook an abstinent meal for an OA member later on Christmas Day.
OA works.
Last night, I had another of those moments of grace that Tommy talks about between the compulsion and the act of picking up the food. Was doing ok one minute, at a small office function, the party food had not bothered me much, I had eaten my meal earlier, but suddenly I was hit by a wave of compulsion. It was savage.
I could feel myself disappearing into the food, and how good it might make me feel. But I took a moment. I said the serenity prayer.
Went to another part of the building. I could not leave altogether as I was due to start my shift soon. I drank some water, still half deciding to break out. Stinking thinking took over – delusion – what harm would one little break out do, blah blah blah!! You know the script!
Then a thought struck me. If I eat this food, my whole Christmas will be ruined and I won’t want to even engage properly with my own lovely daughters. That was the turning point. By the time I rejoined the group, I was back on track, though still shaken by what had happened. I’m beginning to see that I can survive tough emotions coming up and not have to bury myself in food. That is nothing short of a miracle. I’m learning too that COE is too big for me to sort myself. I need OA like I need water. Later, I had an early enough night after work, because Christmas makes me tired too, and tiredness puts me in immediate danger of relapse.
I hope to keep sharing here throughout the season because I really need you guys. Looking forward to my Saturday morning meeting here in Dublin. Wishing you all happy holidays.

Searsha, it sounds like your HP came through for you! I'm so happy for you, it sounds like you got just what you needed.

Searsha- thanks for sharing that hurdle and your success. I like to jot these times down in a little notebook and when things are looking bleak, I pull it out to remind myself that it "works when I work it"
PS: I am a girl (I find guys don't tend to journal)- Tommy is one of my tortoises

searsha-
You went through an entire process. You made the choice to move away from the food so that you could work through the feelings and thoughts-- what an awesome choice!

I will be doing a lot of the same. At holidays and with family, I make a lot of quick trips to the bathroom (where I can be alone with my thoughts for a moment). There, I talk to God, talk myself through, and can even make a phone call.

Thanks for sharing.

That is great Searsha; that grace is just the most amazing thing - the time to think between being hit with the desire to eat and actually eating to such a blessing.

I am really excited about Christmas this year! Normally I kind of dread it, I used to binge for a week, feel awful, make a new year's resolution to diet, stick to it until the 3rd January, binge until mid February, diet until April and then binge/starve in cycles from then onwards. Knowing I am not doing that this year feels good.

I am looking forward to spending Christmas with my family and seeing my grand parents. I have a plan in place for food over the festive period and I am feeling like it is totally possible to have a great holiday without over-eating with help of the programme and my HP. Yay!