Hi All,
This year will be the 2nd year I am skipping the holiday party at my work, why? Oh family gathering, that's what I am telling people. But the truth is, because I am so insecure, and uncomfortable, and jelous. There are so many beautiful women there that are so TINY, and I just can't be around all that. There is one girl that I am so jelous of, I think she is so pretty and tiny, and yes she is a nice girl and all, but I FEEL a BIG FAT TERD around her=and I get so insecure and jelous too having my boyfriend with me.....
just venting, no real question, other then, am I the only one that feels this way???

vixjean - Hi! First of all, congratulations on the 7 lbs gone! You are well on your way, and so close to your first mini goal
I'm sure you already know this, but you are NOT a big fat terd. I can certainly understand feeling that way, though I think that no matter what size we are or how much weight we lose, we will always feel insecure when we are around women that we perceive to be prettier or smaller...
IMO, no matter what size you are, confidence is the sexiest thing that a woman can wear. I am really working on remembering that, and flaunting mine!
I'm skipping my office's Christmas potluck...my reason is just a little different. I know that all of the food is going to be very high fat and high sugar, and even if it will probably be homemade and quite yummy, it's not a calorie expenditure or a cheat that I want to participate in! I don't feel like going only to nibble, watch everyone else eat themselves sick, and try to explain the small amount that I eat. Very uncomfortable!
You are not alone. to you for choosing to distance yourself from a situation that you would not enjoy!

Vix - I have distanced myself for a couple of years from attending tons of events. I don't want to feel that way again...my reason is similar, but not 100% like yours. I didn't go because I was embarrassed of myself. I wasn't worried about how others looked, just what they thought of me (I gained weight quickly). You are not alone in how you feel. I am going to my Christmas party this year (but I work from home & about an hour from the office....so my co-workers have not seen me since I started my journey...I'm personally excited! - 30lbs difference plus lots of inches lost since they last saw me).

I hope that you are able to work hard to meet your goal & will be able to flaunt your beautiful self @ next year's holiday party! You can do it...we all can!

Vixjean,
Reading your post made my heart break a little, if only because I know exactly how you feel. I can’t tell you how many birthdays, parties, and family gatherings I have missed out on because of my shame. The thing is, we can always lose the weight, but we can never get those times back. Yeah, is sucks a*s seeing that skinny b*tch prance around, and it’s easy to say “forget about it, just be there for you”, but almost impossible to do. But the thing is, when we isolate ourselves from social events because of how we look, we’re really telling ourselves we’re not good enough to be there, and we’re gonna look back on this time someday and think, god I really missed out. I don’t know, maybe the hit to your self esteem is too great to go, and your better off emotionally if you stay home. But I know I am starting to feel angry that I’ve literally let my weight control what I do, literally become a prisoner in my own body. I didn’t go home (home town, that is) for over a year because I was ashamed of how much weight I’d gained, and I almost lost a lot of friendships because of my self imposed isolation. Now, I go home and when I’m home I go out, and do all the things my friends do, and I feel much less imprisoned by my body. I have to admit that sometimes I do still stay home and I am still plauged my self esteme issues, but they receed with time. For the most part I have begun to stop telling myself that it won’t be fun, or I’ll just feel bad about myself. If we do that then we really let our fat win. Don’t deprive yourself of a life worth living, and don’t deprive your co-workers of your wonderful presence!

Summer - your post sounds sooo familiar - feeling imprisoned in one's body - that is why we are all here to make the changes....I have hated that feeling since the first day I felt it - now I'm getting rid of it forever!

Vix -

I had a similar experience with my firm's softball team. I played on the team with my then boyfriend every Wednesday evening. Then, halfway through the season this girl that LIVES at the gym and is absolutely gorgeous joined the team. I HATED it. Now, she wasn't a very good player, not that I'm anything stellar, but seeing her run around in short shorts (who wears shorts to a softball game?) and chatting everyone up made me sick. Thankfully, she only made it to three games for the rest of the season. Still, I dreaded going because I was afraid my boyfriend would see her and wish he was with her instead.

So, I know how you feel. Everyone's advice here is great so I'll leave them with that. I'm just letting you know there's a lot of us out here that feel like you. No worries. Your normal.

Thanks ladies, it helps to know that I am not alone. You ladies are the best.