Hi everyone. I've been on this site just once before reading all the posts. I binge eat almost every day and I don't know how to stop the pattern. I've had a few successes (a day or two), but then go right back to my old habits.

I saw a thread here about OCD/binge eating and I think I fall into that category. The OCD traits that I have make me want perfection, to seem "together" to the outside world. But internally, I have a battle raging with food. I cannot control what I eat. For example, during work hours, I am in control. I can eat a salad, etc.... give the "allusion" that I am working hard on my diet to lose weight. On the way home from work, I will go to a fast food restaurant and scarf down several burgers, soda, fries, etc in the car. This way no one knows what I've done. I'll come home and eat my normal dinner with family. Again, "in control", giving the allusion that I'm making great efforts on my diet. Then, late at night, when everyone's asleep, I'll have another binge on cereal, crackers, cookies, ice cream, whatever is available.

I don't know how to stop this awful pattern. I know intellectually that what I'm doing is wrong.... but I feel nothing when I'm doing it. It's like I'm just on auto pilot and I feel nothing until it's over.

The traditional diets out there do not work for me. It's all about portion control or eating smaller meals several times per day so that you don't have that hunger that makes you overeat. For me, I'm never hungry... I just eat & eat & eat. My body doesn't have a chance to feel hungry.

I don't know why I've decided to post this. Maybe someone out there has had this same experience and has been able to break the cycle. At the very least I think it's good for me to say some of this "out loud" (so to speak). No one knows what I do.... I've never said these things to anyone before. Maybe that alone will help me to deal with this.

Thanks for listening or for any advice you might have.

Em

Em -

You are definitely NOT alone - and posting this IS good, because you've taken the first step to saying 'I WANT to change this behaviour'. Good for you!

I have been where you are - sometimes twice through the drive through, ordering two, three meals at a time. I felt nothing. Oh, I hated myself AFTERWARDS, but during? Nothing. It has taken a LOT of work for me to be where I am now - and I cannot say that my situation is the same as yours. We are all different. But I can tell you what was happening for me, and I didn't even care enough to pay attention at the time...

I was SO unhappy in areas of my life that I felt I could not control that I literally Ate To Fill A Hole. Of course, food does NOT feed me emotionally, but I didn't even know that. It was not until I did some hard, serious work on myself that I knew I was, in fact, able to control more than I thought I could - and most importantly, what went into my mouth. In fact, even now, there are days I have to sternly remind myself that even when everything else feels uncontrollably topsy-turvy, I CAN control what goes into my mouth. Most of the time, I listen to myself

It is not easy to break a pattern that gives some comfort, on some level - even if you are not aware of it - comfort, but it can be done. If you can honestly say that there is nothing else bothering you, no problems at home or work that belittle your sense of self, then all I can suggest is a good counselor. And if there IS more - I still suggest a good counselor. Ask questions, and try to find someone with experience with eating disorders - because it took me LOOOONG time to get my head around the idea of having an eating disorder... I mean, I wasn't anorexic, so who were they kidding?

I wish you strength, and know this - You Are NOT Alone. But you do need to respect yourself enough to stop trying to kill yourself with food.

Good luck
Heather

Hi Emmie,

Speaking out and sharing is a good start.

Also, it sounds like eating is not your problem, just a reaction to something else that is going on in your life. For me I over eat when I am worried or trying to fix a problem that I don't seem to have under control.

Try to seek the root of your problem .... binging sounds more like a symptom..... I hope this helps.

I have this problem too sometimes. I would eat everything I could get my hands on for an entire week or even longer. Even when I've had too much and the taste of the food was becoming revolting, I still cannot stop stuffing it. The best way I've found to break the pattern is just to go on a semi-fast for a day or two, allow your stomach to empty and your brain to register hunger again. Once the initial discomfort is overcome, I'll feel a lift in mood and it gets easier to get back in control of my eating.

Clakplus- I agree that binge eating itself is not the problem, but rather the coping mechanism for all the other problems in our lives. But I can’t help but feel like, if I could just stop binge eating, everything else will be ok. If I stop compulsively eating I’ll get skinny, go out with my friends again, feel good about myself, get better grades because I will have more time at night to focus rather than scarfing down a grocery bag full of food, do better at work because I won’t have post-binge depressions, etc. Em, we know what your going through, you are not alone. Binge eating is one of the hardest battles I’ve ever had to fight, but it helps just knowing that there are others in the fight with me. I, too, definitely qualify as an OCD type person, and was especially so when I was a child. But just because these are patterns ingrained in us since childhood, doesn’t mean we can’t beat them. Admitting that you have a problem is the first step (cliché, but true), Congrats!

Emmie, been there , done that, especially eating donuts and candy bars in secret. , but eating salads or yogurt in front of other people. I don't know the answer other than it is a question of being healthy or overweight and unhealthy. Nothing succeeds like sucess, when you start losing and see how much better you feel and look it encourages you to keep on .Don't beat yourself up if you are not perfect at dieting, if you slip into old habits pick yourself up and start over. You can do it.

hi em,
i am also a control freak for the most part -- and food is where i "let my hair down" so to speak...but its ok to not do everything perfect or else you will crack...can you let go of control in the other areas of your life? sometimes that helps you feel less pressure overall. also, can you do an activity that allows you to lose control aside from eating? color outside the lines? punch the sh*t out of something, pinata?

good luck and i am with you!

You are definitely not alone. This is a common pattern. For years people would tell me I must have a metabolic problem cuz I ate like a bird. Well yes- in front of them- but I could put away ginormous amounts in private. I ended up in a 12 step program and on a 3 meals a day, commit your food for the day to another person, and avoid "white" foods/refined carbs. It works. I love food, and I cook cool stuff, and thankfully my cravings for the crud are pretty much gone. It has also taken alot of journaling and looking at myself, but not to distraction. My focus now is on living life, instead of living for food. Feels SO good. There is truly hope.